WWJD

I'm a private person and do not like conflict.  For years, I avoided conflict and would walk away when there was conflict around me.  It makes me so uncomfortable.  It wasn't until about 6 years ago, that I was drug into some terrible conflicts; and I felt forced to address many things due to people being misrepresented and lied to/about.  It was an ugly time, and it impacted my life in a way I would not wish on anyone.  However I did learn a lot about myself and taught myself a lot as well.  I had a small group of people, who I sought guidance from, and what I learned from all of them was something I already knew....you can't control people's actions, you can only control your reaction.  I remember the 3 of them telling me to work hard at this, because eventually the truth comes out; and reacting negatively at the time would not only affect others but also me.  So I did.  It was difficult, but I have seen the truth slowly emerge over these last years.  I don't post things on social media that will stir things up, because I've learned that people can "read' those things however they wish and oftentimes not how they were intended.  I'm always a face to face person.
My church denomination has made a decision that I do not support, one that will impact so many people in our world and in my life.  The hurt and pain this has caused has not been wasted on me, I feel it.  My first instinct was to walk away, like I usually do.  Through the words of many people whom I love and respect, I now know that is not what God wants from me....at least not right now.  He wants me to stand firm and be an example of how to lovingly and respectfully agree to disagree and to let my voice be heard.  He wants us to bring the church together, not tear it apart.  I don't know what that looks like just yet, but I know that I cannot control other people's words or actions; I can only control mine.  I will work hard to let my voice be heard and be encouraging and honest.  I will work hard to represent the good that God will bring.  I will work hard to be like Jesus.  I will work hard to love everyone, especially those with whom I may not agree.  If ever there was a time to ask, WWJD; it is now.  Lord lead us in your ways and always remind us that YOU ARE LOVE!  YOU ARE SOVEREIGN!  YOU ARE IN CONTROL!

Matthew 22:36-40
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?
Jesus replied:  'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.  All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commandments.'"

Matthew 7:1-2
Judging Others
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Rewrite

A few weeks ago, my Sunday School teacher was looking for people to lead a few weeks in his absence.  We are doing a study called, "The Struggle Is Real" by Nicole Unice.  Standing up in front of kids is easy peasy for me, but adults is a different story.  I'm not fond of it, but after he sent out a plea numerous times; for some reason, I agreed to lead a lesson.  Today was that day.  This particular lesson was about a rewrite...it was about words...and you all know how much I love words.  Words are a big part of who I am.  I don't necessarily speak a lot of them, but I think a gazillion a day; and I love to read and write them.  The lesson focused on being intentional with what we tell ourselves about ourselves vs. the words Jesus tells us about ourselves.   Reading over the lesson and the scripture was so eye opening for me.  Did you know that when Jesus tells us to take the log out of our own eye before worrying about the speck in our brother's eye that He is calling us to some serious self examination?  That scripture is not all about judging others, although a good part of it is.  Jesus is calling us to get right with ourselves before speaking to others about faults.  He wants us to go to our brothers with compassion and concern, not contempt.

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. Luke 6:41-42

He also tells us that what we put into our mouths comes back out of our body, but what comes out of our mouth comes from our heart.

17 “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? 18 But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20 These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.”  Matthew 15:17-19

We need to be intentional about what we tell inner selves and work on our hearts.  Part of the lesson instructed that we devise a plan on how we can tell ourselves the words Jesus would tell us.  I'll admit that I am and have always been pretty hard on myself....I've felt less than worthy about much in my lifetime.  It wasn't until recent years that I started to work on being more gentle with myself.  Yesterday while I was reading this part of the lesson, I was trying to decide how I can talk to my inner self like Jesus would.  What immediately came to my mind was children....my own and others....and how I would want my words to affect them.  Never in a million years would I ever want my children, the children I teach or the children I have any sort of relationship with to let something I said affect their self worth or inner self in a negative way.  It made me realize that that's how I need to talk to my inner self....as if I were talking to one of my children.  Be gentle, kind, encouraging and full of love.  Jesus Loves Me This I Know For The Bible Tells Me So.  But then there's this....Jesus Knows Me This I Love, and He Loves Me Anyway!  I love how God works.  I didn't really want to lead this lesson today, because it's not something I'm good at  (another lie I tell myself); because as Jesus showed me today....I can lead well if I let Him do the talking.  I'm thankful for that nudge.

God is Good All The Time!

I don't believe it when people say, "God takes the good ones first"; because if that was true...a lot of people I know would be in heaven.  I do believe that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that God doesn't intercede in the way we think He should.  I also believe that He is in control, and we don't always understand His ways but someday we will.  We may be left devastated, heartbroken and angry wondering what is going on and why is this happening.  We may even question His motives.  People will tell us things like "God takes the good ones first"  or "God wanted her in heaven", but  He wants us all in heaven eventually; doesn't He?  I know they mean well, but it's just not something I believe is true.  Yet some of us go much sooner than others, and some of those are definitely some of the best people we know.  The rest of us try to figure it out, but most of the time; we just can't.  We have to focus on the next steps, because in brutal honesty....life goes on; and we are left to navigate what that will now look like....the new "normal"....how to move on.  I believe God is good, and He wants good for us.  I don't believe God causes bad things or sickness or accidents or tragedies.  I believe He can stop them, but sometimes He doesn't.  I don't know why, and I don't pretend to know why.  I've had people tell me you can ask Him when you get to heaven, but will it even matter then?  I can't picture myself entering the gates of heaven, running towards Jesus and saying...."Oh by the way, why did you allow this thing to happen or that person to suffer or my heart to break?"  I just picture it being peace and love and wholeness and all of the doubts and hurt and pain will not be there, there will be no questions; because the answers won't be important.  In all of the hurt and brokenness, I know God brings good.  It may be something we don't even see, but someone else does; but I trust and know that He brings good out of pain. Sometimes I feel guilty for allowing myself to suffer, especially over something that happened a long time ago, but I've seen that oftentimes that's when the good comes.  When I'm in the midst of trials or grief or loneliness, I will see Him use my circumstance to lift someone else; or I will be the one lifted by someone else's circumstance.  Sometimes I just sit in the pain and don't see the good right away, and sometimes I have to rearrange things in my head; so I can clearly see what goodness came....even if it was the tiniest shred.  But I do see it, even if the pain is still there.

February 5, THE BEST DAY OF 2001!!

Happy 8teenth birthday Drewby Lou...my deep feeling, deep thinking, granola girl.  The smack dab in the middle of the 5!  You made a grand entrance one month early on your Papa's birthday 18 years ago....best birthday present he ever received.  You're the most like me, but you are also your own wonderful unique self.  I know you are much wiser than I am/was about life already...you get that part from your dad.  :)  You thoroughly enjoy concerts, Kpop, coffee and Taco Bell quesaritos and are passionate about equality, inclusion and helping people.  You do NOT thoroughly enjoy being the center of attention, doing the dishes and beating around the bush. Sometimes you are misunderstood, because of your anxiety; but you have worked really hard on stepping outside of that to make the world a better place.  I can see you letting all the best parts of yourself be used for good, and I am extremely grateful for that.  You may officially be an adult, but there's a lot of life to live ahead; and I'm glad I get to be part of it.  I adore you Drew Michelle Payne. #drewbylou #adult #8teen #servingheart