March 3.......The Best Day of 1997!!!

Happy Birthday to my first born. The one who is most like her dad. The one who has one of the kindest hearts I've ever known. The one who is very quiet but hysterically funny. The one who is twitter famous. ;) The one who is as easy going as they come. The one who LOVES her family and whose family LOVES her back. The one who is exceptionally gifted in the creativity department. The one who may be smarter than me, in her approach to life. The one who started it all....the best journey I've ever taken...MOTHERHOOD! 

I adore this person with every ounce of my being!

 I'm truly smitten!

I'm Tired of People

I have been so let down by people's choices over the last year, and honestly I'm just kinda tired of people in general.  Typically I love being around people, really enjoy socializing and spending time with them; but lately I would like a reprieve from people.  People have hurt me and my family, and it has been hard.  Through it, I have leaned firmly on God...pressing in as much as possible.  He is guiding me and is answering my prayers, just not necessarily in the way I thought He should.  But as things unfold, I see that He actually does know what He's doing....go figure.  I mean He is THE ALL KNOWING GOD OF THE UNIVERSE....MY CREATOR...of course He knows what's best. I have seen that many things, I don't understand, were allowed by Him to protect me from someone, some relationship, some situation or something.  There were a few times when I felt my trust waiver, and I wanted to be in complete control; but then I quickly realized that I really don't want to be in complete control.  Being in complete control is much harder and too much work for me, so God....have at it.  I will give 100% in obedience and trust.  Of course I will fail, because I am human; but I will give it my all.  And honestly I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that He's got this, and He definitely does!

February 5th....The Best Day of 2001!!! THIRTEEN!!!

My smack dab in the middle child is THIRTEEN! This means that I now have more teenagers than not teenagers. This also means that my girl is closer to becoming that sweet wonderful young woman that she is growing into. Drewby Lou...my sweet, smart, simple, understated, book loving, outdoorsy, harmonica and ukulele playing, granola girl. I adore you! You will carry a piece of my heart with you always. And always remember....you were Papa's best birthday gift ever! He was so proud to have you born on his birthday! Happy Birthday Drew Michelle Payne! THIRTEEN....SIGH!

Happy Birthday Daddy!

My dad, Papa, is spending his 71st birthday in heaven. I can only imagine how spectacular that must be. I miss him terribly but am so thankful for the years I had with him, what a wonderful father, husband, brother, uncle, friend and Papa he was. He took Neil in as his own son and treated him and loved him in that way, and I know he still does. Neil and my dad are two peas in a pod, and since Neil's dad passed when he was a baby; he was grateful to have the presence of my dad close by. Addi was his first grand baby, and he was so proud of her. Cal adored his Papa and always went to the movies with him. For years after he passed, Cal would no longer go to the movies. Somewhere along the way, I think Papa told him it was okay to go without him; and he started going with us again a few years ago. Drew was born on his birthday, and I will always remember that huge grin on his face. He always said "She was the best birthday present ever." Bryna doesn't remember much about Papa, but she enjoys hearing the funny stories about him and how much he loved his grand kids. Elliot never had the pleasure of meeting her Papa, but she is his spitting image; and I look at that baby picture of her every day and see his face. It is a wonderful reminder of what he brought to our lives. Anyone who knew him would say they were blessed to know him, and I am so thankful for all of the blessings he shared! 

Happy Birthday Dad!

Fun But Exhausted!

This weekend, we....had a better late than never birthday party for Bryna, spent all day Saturday at a Robotics competition, waited patiently to hear how our boy did in Austin at Special Olympics (he brought home the gold), waited patiently for his arrival home, attended an American Girl birthday party, visited a mall they had never been to before, attended the daddy/daughter dance, went to the Frozen sing along, hung out with wonderful friends and enjoyed the Super Bowl....whew!  It was awesome, busy, fun; and we are blessed by all these people and events!

I'm Quirky and Proud Of It....Sort Of!

I have a lot of issues, quirks, habits, obsessions, whatever you want to call them.  From not being able to go barefoot to silently counting the number of letters in sentences and needing them to always end with an even number of letters.  There are so many things, that I dare not bore you, by listing them all here.  I use to think I was a complete nut, and then I read Jen Hatmaker's blog post about this very thing.  Reading her "issues" made me giggle, but reading the blog comments made me feel much less nutty.  There are some quirky people in the world.  :)  Some of my quirks are things that literally drive me into a silent frenzy....fortunately I am old enough now to know to just leave the room to regroup or try to deal with it.  Some of my quirks just bring me a sense of comfort.  Some of my quirks are because I'm on the spectrum somewhere....aren't we all?  Learning about so many other quirky people has certainly helped me in embracing my weird idiosyncrasies.  Thank goodness for honest people!!

The Memory

Today I was thinking about my children....not as a group....but each individually. I was thinking back to their firsts...steps, words, food, friends, day of preschool, day of kindergarten, etc. While I was thinking about my soon to be 17 year old, a memory washed over me. She was in kindergarten, and my son was in a special ed half day class at her elementary school. Every day that I would pick him up at 11:00, I would drive around the back of the school; so that I could see her playing on the playground. It was her recess time, and I would see her chubby cheeks smiling and her blonde curls bouncing as she ran and played with her classmates. One day I was driving by, and I was going slow as I always did; so I could savor another moment of watching her. I spotted her standing in a circle of little girls. As I drove and watched, I saw them all run away from her. What I saw next ripped my heart straight out of my chest. I watched my curly blonde, chubby cheeked little girl hang her head and slowly walk away alone. I watched as she sat down on the railroad ties, that surrounded the play equipment, with her head hung low as the other girls frolicked away. I wanted to pull over and grab her up in my arms, but I drove on crying my eyes out. When I picked her up that day, she was as happy as always; and I never mentioned the scene I had witnessed. It might have been the first time her feelings were hurt by friends, but I knew it wouldn't be the last. I have shared this story with her since, and she doesn't remember that day. But I do, and it breaks my heart every time. Parents feel the pain of their children, sometimes more than the children. If we could, we would suffer it for them.  It's amazing that we have a Savior who has suffered more than we can imagine, so that we can have eternal life. He feels our pain and suffers with us.
The Lord is near to the broke hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18