That Thing

On anger & the precious real estate of our hearts:

Confession: I’ve let anger consume a room of my heart for too long. And yesterday at church—on Epiphany Sunday, when we talk about light & humility & wonder—it became clear that I don’t have room any more for anger: I want every last inch of my heart available for love, for freedom, for light. 
I know better than to believe that we can snap our fingers & release long-held, deep-rooted anger all at once, so I’m committing to this work: every morning I’ll remind the anger that it has been evicted from my heart, no longer welcome. It’s been occupying real estate that I dearly need for courage & passion & kindness. 
There is no longer any room in my heart to kindle the bonfire of anger. It’s not that I’m so good & selfless & want to set free the people at whom I’m angry (although I wish that was true about me): it’s that I want my own heart to be free for love, free for wholeness, free for abundant life. 
Here’s to the work of reclaiming our own hearts: they’re made to be the territory of love, and we poison our own lives when we allow them to be occupied by anything less. ❤️ (And if you have any wisdom or lived experience about this kind of heart work—daily forgiveness, the eviction of anger, the ongoing transformation toward love & only love—please share it. We’re all learners.)

By Shauna Niequist

I read this last night and before I even got past the first sentence, I knew it was something I needed to hear.  Finding that "thing" that consumes too much room in your heart for too long.  That "thing" that keeps your heart from being open for love, freedom and light.  Finding that "thing" and being brave enough, strong enough, disciplined enough to let it go...so so hard but also so so vital in being what God has called us to be.  Although my heart has held anger, sometimes too long, that's not that "thing" that occupies the valuable real estate of my heart.  I can think of many other things that have lived there too long, but most of them have moved on.  Of course then another seems to take up residence.  I have been thinking about this year and things I want to do better to make life better and other people's lives better. And I realized that "thing" that has been occupying valuable real estate in my heart is my own self doubt. I have found myself thinking, "Am I good enough about just about every aspect of my life?  Am I a good enough friend?  Am I a good enough Christian?  Am I a good enough wife?  Am I a good enough servant?  Am I a good enough parent?"  Over the last few years, that self doubt has occupied a large piece of my mind and heart; and I've wondered if I was good enough way too much.  So this year, I'm going to remind myself every morning that I am doing the best I can. And when I fail (which I will), I'm not going to be so hard on myself.  And when I feel self doubt creeping in (which I will), I'm going to remind myself that I am a daughter of the MOST HOLY.  And when I feel invisible (which I will), I'm going to remind myself that I am seen by My Savior.  As Shauna said, I know better than to believe I can snap my fingers & release these feelings; but it's a work God has set on my heart in order for my heart to be truly His. So it's one that must be done!