My Not So Perfect Heart

Been under the weather, not as in a cough (although I've had that), or stuffy nose, or temperature or tummy bug; but as in I can't focus, have blurred vision, a distant (very distant pulse), chest pain, shortness of breath, tingling and numbness in my arm and face.  After some odd symptoms and abnormal tests, I spent 2 days in the hospital last week.  I was released with no results or information, except....go see your cardiologist.  The hospital staff was amazingly kind and helpful, but I came home with nothing more than I entered with except a few more holes in my arms and a huge bill.  While Neil was driving me to the ER, I was scared...maybe one of the most scared times I can remember in a long time.  My mind was not working right, and I couldn't speak; but I was trying so hard, so so hard to remember the last thing I said to each of my children.  I couldn't, and I began to pray...."Lord, give me one more day; so I can see them and write them that letter and tell them goodbye.  Lord, let me kiss and hug them one more time.  Lord, PLEASE!"  And He did, because here I am.  When I was being transferred from the ER to a private room, the nurse Jim came in.  I immediately recognized him as the same nurse who rolled my mom up to her private room from the ER 10 minutes before she died.  Through the tension, he made me feel at ease last week and last spring; but still the tears fell.  When I saw the on-call cardiologist, it was Dr. Arora....the same cardiologist who treated my mom back in May.  The one who said, "There is nothing we can do for her", but for me...he said, "I think you are going to be just fine".  I lay in the hospital the first night barely able to stay awake, my blood pressure was low and my heart beat was faint.  So now I am home waiting for my next appointment, hoping there are no more "episodes" and there is nothing seriously wrong; but so thankful for that more than one more day!