Thursday, February 21, 2013

Cal Is Cool!

This boy, my boy, will be a freshman next year!  SIGH!  Today we had his ARD meeting, the last one we will have for him in middle school.  It was long, informative and awesome.  Cal presented a power point complete with text and photos of himself and his friends.  It explained all the things he has done in middle school.  It was amazing.  I can't believe my sweet little towheaded boy will be in high school....dry your eyes!  I have to be honest when I say I spent a good part of my afternoon crying at the thought of my boy!  ARDs often have a way of doing that to me.  I held it together through the power point and listening to his sweet voice read it while Ms. Tandy (his teacher) whispered to him the hard words.  When his teacher and therapists, who have known him since he was 3, began talking about him moving on from them; it was tough!  We met the teacher he will have in high school, and she seems fabulous; and I know he will excel.  Watching your children plan for their future is wonderful, but it's so hard at the same time.  Time is going by so very fast.  Planning for a special needs child takes a lot of thought, but there is so much uncertainty that accompanies it as well.  NPayne and I wanted to say "We don't know" to so many of the things we were asked, because we don't know.  How can we know what to expect when he's 18 when we don't know what to expect in six months.  He surprises us all the time with the progress he's making, but honestly "we don't know"!  Truthfully I'm in no hurry to talk about group homes and jobs for him....truthfully I'm in no hurry to talk about where my typical almost 16 year old will live after high school either.  I just want to have them near me as long as possible.  At one point during the ARD, I rested my hand on his chair.  He picked it up and held it for a very long time.  I don't know if he was trying to ease my mind, his mind or both.  I wish everyone could know Cal and appreciate the kind of person he is and what he can teach you!  Cal is cool!


 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 
Colossians 3:15

Many things are trying to weigh me down, but I have decided that what! I can't solve the problems, failing relationships, poor choices of everyone; so I'll try and let God do that.  You notice I said try, because it's hard not to get weighed down; and sometimes circumstances and people have to be different for God to be willing to do that.  It's not that I don't think He can, sometimes I think He allows us to suffer through things that weigh us down; so we can draw closer to Him.  The important part is that....we, in fact, have to realize that we need to draw closer to Him.  Make God our focus in everything we do, and even those heavy things....the ones that weigh us down....will start to fee light as air; and we will feel His peace!

Monday, February 11, 2013


This past Sunday, my class did a lesson on marriage enrichment.  It was really a panel of married couples and a facilitator who led a discussion that we were all invited to participate in.  I didn't say anything during the lesson but just listened.  I agreed with most everything the couples shared about what makes their marriages strong, what each spouse is good at, what each spouse needs to work on, etc.  The one question that I would have answered differently was this one:
What do you think keeps your marriage good (I'm paraphrasing here, but it was something like that).  Some of the answers given were forgiveness, sharing values, commitment, becoming one over time, trust & respect.  I completely agree with all of those, but oddly those things were not what came to my mind when I heard this question.  What I immediately thought of was NPayne and things that make me love him so much of which those things are all part of, but I guess I thought of it in a different perspective; because I was thinking of things like....laughter, time spent alone, compliments, saying "I LOVE YOU", touch aka xoxo and hand holding and caresses.  I was thinking of more of the things that make me look forward to him walking in the door every single day....more of the daily things that keep him heavy on my mind and heart throughout the day and make me smile when I think of him.  Forgiveness, values, commitment, becoming one, trust & respect are definitely important and things that make marriage stronger; but so are the simpler (for lack of a better word) and daily things like laughing, embracing, "I love  yous", and time for just you two!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013


This past Sunday, NPayne led our Sunday School class.  He rarely attends Sunday School with me, because he is usually teaching high schoolers.  However this past Sunday, it was a blessing to have him in class with me.  As I watched him and listened to him standing in front of the class initiating conversation and dissecting scripture, something came over me.....yes I know he's quite the handsome fella....but it had nothing to do with how cute he is.  As I watched him and listened, I was reminded how much God blesses my life through my husband.  His perspective and approach to so many things is exactly like mine and exactly different than mine, but much of the time; it is exactly what I need.  NPayne is usually able to calm my nerves, uncertainties, explosiveness, and every other emotion that oftentimes invade my mind. He supports me!  God supports me through him!  I can learn a lot through my husband.  I only hope that I can teach a lot through what I learn, and that he can learn through least a little bit.  For NPayne and I, it wasn't love at first sight; but it was a growing love for each other....and thankfully it keeps growing.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

February 5th! The best day of 2001!

Twelve years ago today, we were once again blessed with the wonderful gift of a child!!  We welcomed Drew Michelle Payne to this earth to love and care for and teach, to be loved and cared for and taught by her as well.  She is a gem!  Drew is my child....who is the most like me.  She wears her heart on her sleeve, wants everyone to get along, believes there can be peace on earth, and knows there is a GOD who loves her no matter what.  Drew wants to live on a farm, grow her own food, and have lots of children!  She is neat and tidy and organized.  She is an amazing artist, loves to read and sew; and she is learning how to play the ukulele and the harmonica.  She loves animals, is a free spirit, sweet and sensitive, my granola girl and hippie chick.  Drew has an extra kind heart and spirit, but she does have a quick temper which she inherited from her mama and her Papa.  Drew shares her birthday with her Papa....who would have been 70 years old today.  Although he died in 2005, we still celebrate the life he had; and the time we had with him.  They are both very very much alike!  Drew, I adore you!  You own my heart!