Monday, September 28, 2015

September 28.....the best day of 2003!

Meaning of "Bryna"
Irish name
In Irish, the name Bryna means - strong.The name Bryna originated as an Irish name. The name Bryna is most often used as a girl name or female name.
Happy Birthday B-Nut, B-Max, Sweet B, Bryna Mae! You are the one who keeps us on our toes, the only real extrovert in a house full of introverts, the one who is most comfortable in her own skin, the one who challenges me to find something to smile about every single day....because you always do, the one who cannot go one day without singing or dancing, the one who stands tall and takes the initiative, the one who is unorganized and a little chaotic but can multi-task like a champ, the one who loves making handmade gifts and trinkets for people she loves, the one who use to be TERRIFIED of dogs but loves our JosieFina the best, the one who embraces the phrase "messy hair, just don't care" because you really just aren't that concerned about how anyone views you except our God Almighty. You are my fighter....the one who was weak at birth, but who is now so so strong which is why your name is Bryna. I adore are my most favorite 12 year old for one whole year! Look out TWELVE...Bryna Mae has just introcued herself to you BIG!

Wednesday, September 23, 2015


These last few years have been some of the most difficult of my life.  The challenges have been big, really big. These last few months have been some of the darkest and hardest I've ever encountered, and I have been on my knees begging and pleading for God to take action.  In the last 23 years of my life, I do not remember once wondering where God was.  Before that, I know there were hard times when I didn't feel Him near; but I never wondered.  I always knew He was there. Last night was the first time in 28 years that I have cried out....WHERE ARE YOU?  I was so overwhelmed by the fear, by the pain, by the turmoil that I screamed through my tears....WHERE ARE YOU?  I know that fear is not from God, and I know that He does not want us to suffer.  He allows it, but He doesn't cause it.  Why is He allowing it?  I don't know, but I keep thinking that I'm suppose to learn something from this....I have imagined the good He will bring out of the worst possible scenario that keeps running through my brain.  Oddly enough most times it brings me relief to think about the good, but last brought me a fear like I have not felt in a very long time; and I cried out to Him....WHERE ARE YOU?  WHERE ARE YOU?  Then He answered me and said,  "I'm right here".

Thursday, September 3, 2015

September 3....The Best Day of 2006!

Happy Birthday to Elli Cinderelli With A Belly Full of big little lady. The funniest little thing with the best disposition. A little bit shy and little bit not. You have a special something going on with each of your siblings, and they all love you to infinity and beyond. You have been deemed as "the kindest friend" by many and bring us so much joy. I love your sweet soul and sensitive heart. I kinda dig your obsessive need to organize and love for shoes...oh and those freckles...they're my favorite. And in our darkest times, you bring us light and laughter. Elliot Ann Payne, you are the best surprise we have ever recieved, and I give thanks for you a million times a day. I adore you more and more with each moment I'm blessed to know you. You are HIS, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to raise you in His Name. What a blessing! I know you still wish you were two, but little are going to rock NINE!I
I Love You Too Much To Hold!! Mommy

I Wonder

As I sat in the waiting room, I looked around at all the others....waiting, waiting to see their loved ones.  I looked at their faces and wondered why they were there.  I listened to their conversations, watched them wring their hands with anxious anticipation and waited.  When we entered the common area, I watched as each person entered; and I tried to figure out their stories.  Some were greeted with tears and hugs, some just with hugs, some with pats on the back; but they were all glad to be seen.  I saw some cup the faces of their loved ones in their hands and look deeply in their eyes as they greeted them.  I saw some hold their hands gently in theirs, and I wondered.... What is their story? How deep is the wound?  Will it ever be healed for them?  Will they find joy again?  I wondered.  Will she find joy again?  I saw a glimmer in some of their eyes as they visited, and I saw hurt in their faces....all of them....every single one.  I saw one who was still waiting for his loved one to appear, and his face was full of angst; then he stood and smiled when he saw him approach.  I wondered.  How many will return?  How many will survive?  How many will fight for their joy?  Are they scared?  I am.