Monday, April 6, 2015
I've spent much of my time the last few years in a struggle. Am I following where He is leading? Many signs say NO. MY heart says NO. My head...it's trying to be rational...but it's confused. I've been as disappointed in circumstances, people, community as I have been in my entire life. Being in the midst of these situations has taken its toll on my heart and on my thoughts. My trust in people has been greatly compromised, my faith in mankind has been tested, my attitude has changed. There have been days when I felt myself slipping into hopelessness. I have let myself wallow into a pit many days, and I am digging my way out. One thing I was sweetly r͡emimded of this past weekend is this....I answer to one, I can always trust one, I have faith in one. Sometimes I find myself asking why, but really...it doesn't matter why. Things are always revealed in God's timing...it may not be until eternity, but it will be revealed. And the most important thing is God Wins! So now the hard part continues....clinging to that as I let things unfold, things I don't agree with, things I don't support, things in my neighborhood, things in my community, things I don't understand and don't really want to, stuck in a place I don't feel I'm called to be, feelings of such loneliness as I cling hard. Jesus...you are my way! You are my love!