BIOPSYCHOSOCIAL

Today I met with a dear friend of mine.  She needed to interview me for one of her graduate classes.   It was practice for her, but it ended up being so much more for me.
She had to write up a biopsychosocial assessment for one of her classes.  Sound scary? Well go ahead and look it up, because yea it kinda was.  I had no clue what it was, I just went to help out a friend and have brunch.  But once we got into it, so much of myself was revealed.  Much of it was stuff I have been thinking about for a while now but had not said out loud.  At one point, I had to take a big drink of coffee to keep my composure and not throw myself on the floor in a sobbing fit.  I mean, people, I know I have issues; but saying it out loud is WOWZA!  I think the thing that shocked me the most was when I told her I couldn't remember when my mom died.  I know my dad died on November 7, 2005.  I know my mom died around Mother's Day, but I can't even remember the year; and it wasn't that long ago.  I told her about my darkest days when I was a young adult and how much healing came after.  I told her how things have been good for so long and then all of the sudden those same past insecurities reared their ugly heads again.  I told her I don't sleep anymore.  And I told her it all started when my mom died, but I don't even know when that was.
She asked me if my mom was my confidant, my support?  YES SHE WAS!  Then it hit me.  I, not only lost my mom, but I lost my biggest fan, my biggest supporter.  The one who knew every single thing about me...I mean every single thing.  She was the one who loved me through my darkest days, the one who loved me through my brightest days, the one who loved me through all of my days.  I miss my mama.  I need my mama.

Love Conquers All

I was talking to one of my best girlfriends the other day.  One who knows me better than most.  We were talking about one of my girls and some things she's dealing with, and she said..."She sounds just like you when we were that age.  How did you get past that?  Was it just with age?"  I said, "You know...I was at a place in my life when I just had given up on so many things.  But God came alongside me and brought this amazing person into my life.  He used Neil to show me I was worth being loved and worthwhile.  He was kind, sweet; and everything was simple with him.  It had been a long time, since someone had treated me with such respect and decency in a romantic relationship.  Eventually I began to see that I was important to someone."  I know that may sound shallow and self absorbed, and maybe I was. But I had been in a dark place for a while, and although I knew my parents loved me and my family and friends loved me; I didn't feel worthy of that love.  I felt like they loved me, because they had to.  When Neil came along, it was different than it had been before.  I didn't recognize it for a while, and I even resisted quite a bit.  When I did see it and allow myself to accept it, it truly changed my life.  God used Neil to rescue me from myself and show me there was something more waiting for me.  I have thanked Him wholeheartedly every single day since then.  I don't always like my husband, sometimes I get angry at him.  Sometimes I get frustrated with him, but it doesn't take long to get past it; because I always always always love him....like I've never loved anyone before.  I'm so grateful for what God has done in my life through bringing Neil into it.  Through the love Neil showed me, I realized that I was worthy of all the love I was given....from my parents, family and friends; and I was able to give it back.  In my life, it's true that love conquers all.