Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Hold On!

Through our toughest times, we can feel the most alone.  Sometimes we can lose site of everything...family, friends, even God.  Two of my kids have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.  My oldest daughter shares her story here.  It's a beautiful story of rebirth and healing.  Her darkest days were some of mine.  I remember falling on my knees one day pleading with God to heal her and help her find herself again.  It was the only time in my life that I fully relinquished control to Him, because I finally figured out that I had none.  It was terrifying and a great relief at the same time.  I remember praying and telling God to take it and to see us all through it....whatever that may look like.  From the moment I realized how serious her battle was, Jesus told me that He would bring something good from her story.  I have clung to that every minute of every day.  Of course since then, I have started pulling the reigns once again on the freedom God gives when we fully trust Him....yes I want to know everything is going to be alright, so I grasp for control again.  It really doesn't make things easier or better, just makes me worry more.  I  battle a looming feeling that can try to steal my joy, and it takes a conscious effort to fight through it.  Although I have felt very very alone at times, I know now that I have never been and will never be alone.  I learned that during the times you're the most vulnerable, frightened, numb;  you'll learn who will stick with you and who won't.  Oftentimes people judge and even abandon....those you think you can count on, and that makes things that much more confusing.  Maybe it's for their own self preservation or insecurities or pain,  maybe it's because they just weren't who you thought they were, maybe it's because they weren't meant to be in your life; or maybe it's because you put too much trust in a person instead of in the saving grace and mercy of Our Savior.  One truth that can be very very hard to hold onto, when you're facing the darkness, is that God never abandons you.   He walks beside you, He feels your pain, He uses your story for good, He loves you.  My prayer for all, who might not feel His presence in your biggest pits of life, is that you will hold on until you do.  Just hold on.  Jesus Loves You!! I love you!!

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