Saturday, February 11, 2017

Be In The Moment!

I was sitting in my car waiting for E to get out of her class today when this mama and her 2 young daughters pulled up next to me. I had the windows rolled down, so I could hear them talking as they got out of their car. The oldest little girl hurried out with her supplies in tow while her little sister (maybe 4 years old) lingered. Their mama was a little exasperated, I could tell it had been one of those days. She was rushing the littlest girl out of the car. When the sweet little thing got out, she was smiling and cuddling her baby doll. The oldest little girl turned to her sister and in a very irritated tone said, "Where's your stuff?" The little sister's smile started to fade. Then the mama harshly said, "You mean you didn't bring your stuff?" She had a scowl and a very irritated look on her face as well. The youngest sister hugged her baby doll close and started to quietly cry. 
As I watched this scene, it took me back. That season of a lot of littles was tiring and exasperating and hurried. I don't mean as in "in a hurry" (although that was true too), but instead I'm referring to it went by so fast. There were days when I hurried everything along just to get to the end. I remember times I lost my temper because we were running late or someone forgot their soccer cleats or underwear (true story), or didn't want to stop playing and had a tantrum. I remember going to bed many nights feeling like I failed hard that day.
Then one night, while rocking my 3rd baby, when she was a few months old; I made the conscious decision to be in the moment...the hard, the exhausted, the exasperated, the hurried, whatever it was...I wanted to savor it all. I'll be the first to admit that I am not a friendly person when someone wakes me in the middle of the night. In fact, once my kids figured this out; they would walk right past me to their ever so calm and patient daddy to help them get back to sleep. But this night, this sweet night; I remember looking at her sweet newborn face and thinking how grateful I was to have these treasured moments alone, even being exhausted out of my mind. Being the third, moments alone with her didn't happen often and were hard to come by. That night I realized that she too would soon be a toddler like her big brother and sister. 
From that night forward, I have made it a priority to find something every day to be grateful for. I get up daily and thank God for another wake up, and I give it my best effort to be in the moment. I still fail at this on a regular basis, but I am also very aware when I fail because of that decision I made that sweet night 16 years ago. When I'm failing, that decision helps me say, "I'm sorry I got upset with you. I'm sorry I lost my temper." That decision helps me tune in and really listen when I ask how their day was, and they actually say something besides "Fine." That decision helped me to slow down and let them play a little longer and give them grace when we showed up to dance class late with no tap shoes. That decision helped me to think before over reacting. That decision led me to walking with them instead of just walking beside them. As my children have grown and are growing, I still fail at being in the moment. I still fail at being grateful. I still fail as a mama, but I am acutely aware when I do. And because I learned to give them grace and look them in the eyes and tell them they are forgiven, they always do the same for me; and then we move forward and try again.

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