Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Life Ever After

Sunday I had to dig through some stuff and find a death certificate for my mom.  When I pulled it out of the envelope and saw that it was one of two left, I had this weird feeling of not wanting to let it go.  I read it over a few times and found myself saying "Three years, already?" On May 5th, my mom will have been gone from this earth for 3 years.  Sometimes it seems like a lot longer but usually it just feels like a few days ago.  I still have such vivid memories of her last few months alive.  It's such an odd feeling not having my parents here with me.  Although I'm surrounded by people who love me, I oftentimes find myself feeling very alone.  God always reassures me, but I guess it's that empty place in my heart that leaves me feeling that way.  Things come along, like Mother's Day or Father's Day or Grandparents' Day; and life is bittersweet.  My children don't have any of their grandparents living, and that breaks my heart every time I think about it.  My grandparents were such instrumental and encouraging people in my life, and so were my children's; but they aren't here.  I believe that they are watching and are present in spirit, and that is what brings me comfort.  Sometimes I have to talk to myself and remind myself how wonderful it is that they are in heaven.  I don't doubt for one second that it is wonderful and that is where the peace comes from.  The grief and pain are always there....always....but they are more manageable when I am reminded of this life after earth, this life ever after, this life with Jesus!

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