Find Your Something

This is my smack dab in the middle child.  She followed her heart and started a ministry to help feed homeless people.  God spoke to her, and she listened.  A really cool reporter did a story about it.  You can watch it here.  When the reporter, Sean Giggy, asked me how I felt when she first suggested making these bags, I thought about it a bit.  And although I'm really proud of each of my kids for different things (they are really all amazing people), pride isn't what I felt.  I don't really feel "proud" when my kids do things we should all be doing like helping and loving others.  At least not now, that they are all old enough to do this on their own.  I do feel grateful and joyful that she has encouraged so many other people (including me) to get involved in helping and loving in this way.  But mainly what I feel is hope....in the future!  When Sean sent me the link to watch the story, I told him he had done a really good job on the story; and I said "Who knows...maybe she'll raise that million dollars."  After thanking me for allowing him to air it, he replied with "Let's hope."  HOPE...sometimes that's all we have, so keep grasping at it.  And remember you can't do everything, but you can do something.  So find that something.  And if you do wanna help raise a million dollars, click right here.

! ;)

SIBLING BFF's

     A few weeks ago was my 4th child's birthday.  She turned 15.  As I was browsing social media and seeing the posts her sisters had written for her, I realized something....something I had known, but maybe had taken for granted.  They really all adore each other. They each wrote something about their BFF's birthday or how much they love her including inside jokes and lovingly teasing her.  My son came home so very excited to give her the card he had purchased just for her.  As I was thinking about this, I felt so so grateful.  On each birthday, they write something similar yet personal to that particular sibling; because my kids really really really love each other.  They enjoy each other, they have fun together and they really are each others' BFFs.  Of course they fight and get irritated with each other, and from time to time; one may feel left out.  And they often tease about which one is "the favorite". But they are really good at talking about it and making it right, because they are more than siblings....they are friends.  This is what I dreamed about when I was young.  I grew up an only child, so I don't know what it's like to have siblings.  I prayed so hard for a brother when I was a little girl.  My parents tried really hard to make that a reality, but they just couldn't.  My mom couldn't have anymore children because of her RA.  They tried adoption and were very close, and then we had to move for financial reasons; so it fell through.
      We went on a road trip this weekend, and although we do our best to find accommodations where everyone can have an actual bed; we usually don't.  Mainly because it's just too expensive.  So the girls have to compromise on sleeping arrangements.  Cal will always always sleep wherever we tell him to, but he is partial to the fold out couch.  The girls ARE NOT.  Can't say I blame them.  As I was listening to them figure it all out last night and thinking about our weekend spent in close quarters and all the times we've ended up in close quarters while traveling, I couldn't help but smile.  It seems we always laugh a lot when we are the closest (physically).  It was on my 4th child's birthday that it really hit me that what I had dreamed about as a young child was a reality as a grown woman, but I was participating as a coach on the sidelines more than in the actual game.  I get to watch a team stick together and support each other through victories and losses, and it's really the best thing....it really is the best thing.  WOW!

Valuable

I'm going to be honest and not out of a place of self pity or a place of seeking pity, but out of a place that maybe you have been in.  For the last several years, I have really struggled with not feeling valued.  My opinions, my dreams, my efforts in relationships, the strategic planning in being stewards, the family time, the friend time....sometimes it seems taken for granted the most by the people who I'm trying to do these things for.  When I put a lot of effort into something or someone, and that's not fruitful or is ignored; I find myself wondering if maybe I am just not important to them.  I am working 40+ hours/week to earn a living, caring for a house full of people and pets, and strategically planning my schedule so I can be available to spend time with important people in my life.  When my time and efforts aren't valued by others, I find myself feeling like the things I put so much effort into aren't important to anyone but me....so maybe they're just not important at all.  Planning my schedule around events is very important to me, and I do my best to be as considerate as possible by doing this.  Asking for a reply or some help with something is because I need it to get something accomplished.  But oftentimes it's ignored, and I tell myself....we are  just busy...but really nobody is any busier than anyone else.  You prioritize people and events in your life...you choose what keeps you busy.  You choose what's important to you.  You choose who's important to you.  YOU CHOOSE!!  Lately instead of hurt, I've been more irritated by this; and truth be told...I try to convince myself that they are right...these relationships or events or dreams are just not important. When I want to give up on it all....the friendships, the dreams, the plans; I realize that I can't.  It's not who I am.  I'm a people gatherer, people are important to me. And although my attempts to gather may be more unsuccessful than successful, I won't give up.   Although my dreams are only mine, I'll keep dreaming.  Although my efforts and plans are ignored or unnoticed, I'll keep trying and planning.  Tonight as I was thinking about this and how invisible I was feeling, God gently nudged my thoughts with these words..."I SEE YOU!"  I sat up straighter, cleared my head and knew that's really the only one who matters; and I'll keep going.  Because sure I want to be important, but what it boils down is this....I am....to the One who loves the most.

When God Nudges....He Means Business!

People....they are put in your life for a reason.  Do you believe this?  I wonder!  So many people on this planet, and I bet we don't meet a smidgen of them.  I do wonder if people are put in our path for a particular purpose or reason.  Some we will have in our lives forever and some for a very brief moment.  Isn't that strange to think about?  Maybe it's just strange to me.  I have this friend, one I had known for a few years, in a casual kind of way.  Then we became closer when we worked alongside each other a few years ago.  She's funny and kind and gets my weird sense of humor, and she's a red head....BONUS!  When my mom died, it was late on a Monday night.  She called me first thing on Tuesday, and lo and behold I answered the phone.  It was the weirdest thing, because I never answer the phone on a good day but especially not on the day after my mom died.  But for some reason, I saw her name; and I knew I needed to answer.   We didn't really even talk, she just let me cry.  I have thought about those few moments so often, and how much I needed those few moments to get through the next few days...weeks...years, and how brave she was for calling me.  I have cried many more times about my mama, but for some reason; I always remember those few moments and how I felt immediately after, like I was brave too.  Not too long ago, her daddy died; and I have thought about that a lot.  What could I do for her that would even compare to what she did for me....in those few moments of that phone call?  We've had coffee/breakfast and text and chatted here and there, and we have talked about her daddy.  But I hadn't really offered her anything, because nothing seemed right.  A few weeks ago, God told me exactly what to do....He nudged me to buy her a hanky.  I love hankies and all types of linens, so I was happy about to oblige. I had a feeling she would appreciate the gift, because hankies are lovely.  I chose a yellow one, because yellow is a cheerful color but mostly because it's her favorite.  It wasn't until I started to write in the card that I realized what God wanted me to do....to be honest. So I shared some of the things I experienced when losing my parents:  firsts are hard (especially holidays), there's going to be a big piece of your heart that is just gone forever,  it's OKAY TO CRY like just randomly sometimes and life does go on but it's different.  Grief is a different for everyone, but one thing I think is kinda the same for most is....it doesn't go away....you learn to live with it, but it's always there.
After she received the hanky and card, she emailed me.  She didn't call, because she knew she would cry (and probably that I would too).  She told me how her dad always carried a handkerchief, how she could picture him pulling it out of his jeans, and how the only thing she asked her mom for was one of his handkerchiefs....she keeps it in her drawer with his scent still on it.  When I read her reply, I was overwhelmed with what God had done.   How great is our God?  The way He nudges us towards something that we may not understand, but He knows will be so meaningful to that one person but in such a way that maybe she will feel a little peace.  I'm so grateful that she was brave enough to listen to God's nudge that day she called me and let me cry, and I'm grateful that He nudged me to be a small part of her peace; and that I was brave enough to listen.  It's not about you or me, it's about Him.  Let Him use you, and you will see His goodness.