Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Best Sisters For Cal!

My kids argue, nit pick, complain, disagree, etc. They are not perfect siblings, but I am going to take a this boast a little. Okay I know I've been known to boast about them before....but bear with me..... I'm going to boast about them again. As I said, they are not perfect people or perfect siblings....they're not, and believe me I realize that. What I am going to boast about really pertains to the girls and how they relate to their brother. Cal has autism, and with many special needs....come challenges. When he was really young, it was very hard. He didn't have the verbal skills or mental understanding to grasp many things. Taking him places was difficult and completely unpredictable. It's still that way some, but he is able to deal with "new" things much better. He is still unpredictable, and sometimes outings go smoothly and sometimes they don't; and most of the time, we have no idea why it did one time and didn't another time. NPayne and I agreed, a long time ago, that our girls wouldn't have to miss out on things because Cal wouldn't cooperate or participate. For the most part, they haven't. But what I realized, just recently while reading another person's blog, is this.....they have had to miss out on having both parents there many many times. One of us, usually NPayne, sticks with Cal while I take them wherever it is we are going. When I was reading this other blog about this family with a special needs child, it made me so sad; mainly because I could relate. They had gone on a vacation and left their special needs child at home, because they knew she couldn't handle it. They knew it would have been challenging and maybe even interfered with some of the things they had planned with their other children. At one part, of the post, I remember the author describing it like "she had two families". That made me sad. I am not judging anyone here, and I certainly can relate; but it breaks my heart to think of us as "two families" and not one. NPayne has suggested that the girls and I go here or there (on a vacation) while he and Cal stayed home, because we both know it would be too stressful for Cal and honestly for us. We haven't done that yet, because honestly I just don't want to. I don't want to leave my two boys behind. My girls have always always been so good to their brother. They have never shown any resentment towards him for having to compromise so often on his behalf. They have never gotten angry with him when we've had to turn around and come home to drop Cal and one of their parents at home. They have never been rude to Cal or said hurtful things to him. They love him unconditionally. Now he does drive them nuts sometimes, and they will definitely express this to him. Although I have never seen resentment or anger in my girls, I have seen disappointment or sadness in their eyes when our plans didn't work out; and we had to continue to a birthday dinner without NPayne or I because Cal wouldn't go. Honestly it makes me sad too and sometimes it makes me angry....why won't he just go this one time?....I oftentimes finding myself thinking. I have heard from many and seen many siblings who hold a grudge, because of the compromising and the attention it takes to raise a child with special needs. I honestly can say, I don't see that in my girls...ever. As Cal has gotten older, we have been able to take him more places. We have also been able to leave him with a sitter, so both of us could attend things with the girls. With that being said I know there are certain things the girls would never even ask to do, because they don't think Cal would want to do it; and they wouldn't expect us to pay for a sitter. This makes me sad too. I don't want them to miss out, but the reality is they hard as we try.....they do; but they do it with grace.

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