Wednesday, September 23, 2015


These last few years have been some of the most difficult of my life.  The challenges have been big, really big. These last few months have been some of the darkest and hardest I've ever encountered, and I have been on my knees begging and pleading for God to take action.  In the last 23 years of my life, I do not remember once wondering where God was.  Before that, I know there were hard times when I didn't feel Him near; but I never wondered.  I always knew He was there. Last night was the first time in 28 years that I have cried out....WHERE ARE YOU?  I was so overwhelmed by the fear, by the pain, by the turmoil that I screamed through my tears....WHERE ARE YOU?  I know that fear is not from God, and I know that He does not want us to suffer.  He allows it, but He doesn't cause it.  Why is He allowing it?  I don't know, but I keep thinking that I'm suppose to learn something from this....I have imagined the good He will bring out of the worst possible scenario that keeps running through my brain.  Oddly enough most times it brings me relief to think about the good, but last brought me a fear like I have not felt in a very long time; and I cried out to Him....WHERE ARE YOU?  WHERE ARE YOU?  Then He answered me and said,  "I'm right here".

1 comment:

Lynnet Hardwick said...

Oh, friend. When I read this, it tore at my heart. Not from pity or anything, but because I know. I know the sleepless nights, the fear the drains your heart - knowing it's not from Him. Last night was the first time in a few months, that I slept through the night. Each night around 2:30, the fear and worry, would claw at my brain and heart, scenarios barreling through like a freight train, sleep would elude me. I get it, not for the same reasons as you, but I get it. Sending love and prayers today and continue on.