This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
It was a sleepless night, and although I stayed in bed for 12 hours; I am wore out. There is a lot in my head but so much in my heart, and I am grateful for my Jesus. I know He is here. Sometimes I can't feel Him, but I know He's here. The holidays are upon us, and Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday ever. I love being with my family, it's my favorite thing. But I must admit that holidays are hard. Grief is such an odd thing. It hits you so hard, and then it may lay quietly in your soul for a while, then it comes back in full swing.....sometimes when you least expect it. During the holidays, it doesn't linger; but it comes out strong, plants its feet and stays for a while. Everyone experiences it differently, but once you've experienced it; it's always there. As time passes, it may get easier; but it never goes away. Grief has hit us hard these past few years, and it has been so so difficult. Watching my children suffer has ripped my heart into a million pieces. I know it will slowly be put back together, but some of those pieces will always be missing leaving holes. I cannot imagine enduring grief without Jesus holding my hand. There would be no hope if I didn't have Him. There would be no joy. Through it all, I know one thing for certain....as much as I am sad, I am grateful as well. A wise man once said that the grief you feel, at the loss of someone, is a result of the love you shared. The more you love, the harder you grieve. I am grateful for the time I had even though it wasn't long enough. I am grateful that Jesus is by my side even when I can't feel Him there. I am grateful for the good He brings in the darkest of times even though some of the dark times were pitch black. I am grateful for the visions I have of those I love in Heaven even though I miss them so much here on earth. I am grateful for the holes in my heart even though they have caused so much pain. The missing pieces mean I had the blessing of loving hard, and I do....I love hard.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.