Saturday, November 21, 2015


This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.  Psalm 118:24

It was a sleepless night, and although I stayed in bed for 12 hours; I am wore out.  There is a lot in my head but so much in my heart, and I am grateful for my Jesus.  I know He is here.  Sometimes I can't feel Him, but I know He's here.  The holidays are upon us, and Thanksgiving is just around the corner.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday ever.  I love being with my family, it's my favorite thing.  But I must admit that holidays are hard.  Grief is such an odd thing.  It hits you so hard, and then it may lay quietly in your soul for a while, then it comes back in full swing.....sometimes when you least expect it.  During the holidays, it doesn't linger; but it comes out strong, plants its feet and stays for a while.  Everyone experiences it differently, but once you've experienced it; it's always there.  As time passes, it may get easier; but it never goes away.  Grief has hit us hard these past few years, and it has been so so difficult.  Watching my children suffer has ripped my heart into a million pieces.  I know it will slowly be put back together, but some of those pieces will always be missing leaving holes.  I cannot imagine enduring grief without Jesus holding my hand.  There would be no hope if I didn't have Him.   There would be no joy.  Through it all, I know one thing for much as I am sad, I am grateful as well.  A wise man once said that the grief you feel, at the loss of someone, is a result of the love you shared.  The more you love, the harder you grieve.  I am grateful for the time I had even though it wasn't long enough.  I am grateful that Jesus is by my side even when I can't feel Him there.  I am grateful for the good He brings in the darkest of times even though some of the dark times were pitch black.  I am grateful for the visions I have of those I love in Heaven even though I miss them so much here on earth.  I am grateful for the holes in my heart even though they have caused so much pain.  The missing pieces mean I had the blessing of loving hard, and I do....I love hard.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  
Psalm 73:26

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