Thursday, June 28, 2018
Waiting Is Hard
So many things have changed just in the last few days, and my head is reeling in it. Some positive....some negative....some indifferent. Change is hard for me, almost always, but I know that it oftentimes has to happen. It doesn't mean I like it. A few years ago, I felt a very strong calling for us to move. We didn't. I was the only one who felt that calling or maybe who listened to it. Either way, I can't move by myself. As things have occurred over the last few years, it has been evident to me that we should have obeyed. Feeling ungrounded and like you don't belong somewhere is an extremely difficult feeling to navigate. I have wonderful people in my life right here, but that doesn't mean that God wants me/us here. Oftentimes, most of the time, He calls us to the uncomfortable or difficult. It would have been an adjustment for us all, but I still think it is what we were/are suppose to do. In a way, I feel like I've disappointed God for not obeying. I've read a lot about obeying a calling. Does God call you to something and not call your people? I kinda think He might, and part of the calling is for me to convince them to obey. Obviously, I didn't do so good on that part; because here we are. Then I wondered if it was really a calling from God or just my own strong will, but so many things have indicated that it was and still is a calling from God. Does God want you to obey even if it means disappointing your family or leaving them behind? I just can't grasp that He does. I've read a lot about this over the last few years. There are many things, in The Bible, to support leaving everything behind including your family; but there are many that don't. I started praying that God would put Neil and I on the same path, in this calling, but so far He hasn't. This makes me wonder even more if it's my will, Neil's will or God's. Our lives are good, our family is good, our friends are good, most everything is good; but there are things that are a direct result in our disobedience to follow. So for now, I will still wait and pray for God to put us on the same path. It's truly one of the most difficult things for me to do....WAIT....especially when I KNOW deep in my heart that we don't belong here. We are called to something much greater, much simpler, to bring us much closer to each other and to Jesus!
Saturday, June 23, 2018
How Can You Love Your Neighbor If You Aren't Sure How To Love Yourself?
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "`Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' And the second is like it: `Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:36-40!
This has been on my mind constantly. We’ve recently discussed this in my SS class, I’ve read it on social media, I’ve heard it mentioned a lot lately. Yet I wondered...about the part that says “Love your neighbor as yourself”, what about all those who find it difficult to “love yourself”.
How can you “love your neighbor” or anyone well, if you don’t love yourself? So I did some research, and this is what I found.
An article written by Danielle Bernock from Crosswalk describes it like this:
Loving your neighbor as yourself is found eight times in the Bible. Not once. Not twice. Eight times. Loving your neighbor as yourself is so important to God that He not only repeats Himself, He makes it a command. And not just one in a list of many commands. Jesus coupled the command to love your neighbor as yourself with loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
James calls it the royal law. It sounds beautiful, and it is when we obey it.
But loving your neighbor as yourself isn’t always easy. That’s why God made it a command. He knew we’d struggle. Making it a command is actually to our benefit. How is that? We have to do it on purpose, be intentional about it. Sometimes even out of our need.
This is what it means to love your neighbor as yourself:
Photo courtesy: ©Thinkstock/JacobAmmentorpLund
1. Loving your neighbor means receiving God's love.
Too begin to love your neighbor as yourself, you need to know two things: you need to know what love is and that you are loved.
The Bible tells us “this is love. Not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent his Son as a propitiation…” (1 John 4:10). You are the object of this love. God loves you. Knowing this is imperative. And not just loved in a general kind of way, but deeply loved and unconditionally loved. We tap into this when we understand that God loved us first. He’s the source of our love. God loved us even before Jesus gave Himself for us. God the Father is the source of all love. Before we can give this love we need to receive it for ourselves. You can’t give what you don’t have.
Photo courtesy: ©Thinkstock
2. Loving your neighbor means loving ourselves as well.
To love your neighbor as yourself as commanded, you need to measure correctly. The measurement within this command is—as yourself. To love your neighbor as yourself you need to love yourself. This is something that gets misunderstood in the body of Christ often. It gets mixed up with dying to self and denying self as if we need to destroy our self. This is not true.
Jesus died for each and every one of us. If Jesus valued us enough to go through what He went through, we owe it to Him to value what He values. We need to love what He loves – us. The Bible even tells us that the Father loves us as much as He loves Jesus (John 17:23). How dare we not love what the Father loves. Learning to love ourselves prepares and helps us to love our neighbor.
Photo courtesy: ©Thinkstock/razyph
3. Loving your neighbor means showing grace.
Knowing God is love and that this love is for you is not enough. It needs to be developed. Imagine if you had a field of good soil and a bag of top notch seeds. Would they produce a crop all by themselves? No. The seeds must be planted and cared for. Grace takes the seed of His love and the soil of our heart and creates fruit for the kingdom of God.
The Bible says, “it’s God who works in us both to will and to do of His good pleasure” (Philippians 2.13). Loving Him and our neighbor pleases Him. Grace helps us do this. Grace teaches us proper love and respect for ourselves and for our neighbor. Freely receiving His grace empowers us to freely give it.
Photo courtesy: ©Thinkstock
4. Loving your neighbor means acting with compassion.
When Jesus was asked, “Who is my neighbor?” He responded with a story: the Good Samaritan. Even those who have no love for God see the value of the story. What is the bottom line of this story? Who did Jesus say was being a neighbor? The one who had compassion.
Compassion is not simply a warm fuzzy feeling in our hearts. Compassion does something. A heart that’s moved by compassion cannot sit idly by while someone suffers a need. Loving your neighbor as yourself is being moved to help to the full extent of your ability.
Photo courtesy: ©Thinkstock/LightFieldStudios
5. Loving your neighbor means looking out for their wellbeing.
The NIV translation of 1 Corinthians 13 says, “love protects.”In Philippians 2:4 it says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Loving your neighbor as yourself is to look out for other people’s wellbeing.
To look out for them is to pay attention. You notice if they need something and then you help. For example, their clothing tag is sticking out or they have food on their face so you let them know. Or something more serious like when my neighbor’s toddler got out and crossed the street. Concerned for his safety, I headed over there. I was almost there when the grandma came out to intercept him and thanked me.
Photo courtesy: @Thinkstock/AntonioGuillem
6. Loving your neighbor means serving them.
Serving from the heart is kindness in action. Kindness is one of the attributes of love listed in 1 Corinthians 13. The funny thing about kindness, though, is you can do acts of kindness without kindness residing in your heart. If the kind thing is done out of duty then it isn’t love.
Jesus said he came to serve (Matthew 20:28). God, who is love, came to serve. Love serves. For you to love your neighbor as yourself, you’ll have a heart to serve them. Let them know you’re there for them. If they need a ride somewhere, you drive them. If they need their dog or cat checked on while they’re out of town, you do that for them. Other examples are getting their mail for them or taking them a meal if they’re not well. Examples in a public setting are to let people in front of you in line at the store or in traffic.
Photo courtesy: ©Thinkstock/David Sacks
7. Loving your neighbor means speaking kindly.
The childhood rhyme about stick and stones versus words is not true. Words build up or tear down. God created the world using words. The Bible says Jesus IS the Word (John 1:1).
To love your neighbor as yourself is to use words to build them up. Speaking words of encouragement to someone who’s down is the most obvious example but there are others. We can be more intentional with our words by looking for and magnifying the good. We can always find something good if we’ll take the time to look for it. Examples of this are giving someone a compliment and telling someone you appreciate them.
Photo courtesy:
8. Loving your neighbor means making allowances for other people's humanity.
We live in a day and age when offense is as common as breathing. Criticism is running rampant. Love is not easily offended or critical. Everyone does dumb things; no one is always right or knows everything. We’re all a work in progress.
I remember sitting through a green light. I wasn’t trying to inconvenience anyone. I got stuck in grieving daze because a family member died. I remember that when I encounter people driving too slow, sitting at lights, or even cutting me off. Maybe they have a reason. Maybe they’re just being human. We’re imperfect beings that do dumb things often.
Giving people the benefit of the doubt is loving your neighbor. For example, I had a lady flailing her arms and cursing because I didn’t go through an almost red light. She was behind me so got stuck at the red light with me. I don’t know why she was so angry but she may have had other circumstances surrounding her that day. I prayed for her.
9. Loving your neighbor means sharing in their joys and sorrows.
The Bible says we are to “rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15).
Celebrating can be difficult for us at times, especially if our neighbor is getting something we have longed for. For example, a new job, a raise, or a pregnancy. Celebrating with them in spite of our own pain is a strong show of love.
Likewise. mourning with our neighbor can be hard if we don’t know what to say, or have recently lost something or someone ourselves. Loving your neighbor as yourself is showing up and being there with your heart open, allowing them to be what they are and support them.
10. Loving your neighbor means forgiving.
Forgiveness is a big deal to God. The Bible says He planned it for us from the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4). Jesus frequently spoke forgiveness over others that resulted in the healing of their bodies.
Forgiveness is freely given to us and to love your neighbor as yourself you’ll pass the forgiveness on. Jesus highlighted this in His story in Matthew 18 when Peter asks how many times is he to forgive. He tells the story of a king who forgave an enormous debt to one of his servants. This servant failed to pass the forgiveness on. He demanded payment of a small debt from his neighbor. When the king heard of it, he had his servant remanded for his debt, revoking the debt cancellation. Jesus’ story tells us that love always forgives.
We all need forgiveness, so loving your neighbor is to forgive them as you have been.
And this came from Gotquestions.org:
"Question: "What does it mean to love your neighbor as you love yourself?"
Answer: An expert in the law tried to test the Lord Jesus by asking Him to declare what was the greatest commandment in the Law of Moses. In one masterful statement, Jesus condensed the entire law that God had given Moses: “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 22:37–40).
When we read the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20, we are struck with the realization that they focus on these two issues. Certainly we are to love God supremely. But what does it mean to love our neighbor as ourselves?
Jesus is quoting here from Leviticus 19. Let’s look at its context:
“When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not wholly reap the corners of your field, nor shall you gather the gleanings of your harvest. And you shall not glean your vineyard, nor shall you gather every grape of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the poor and the stranger: I am the LORD your God. You shall not steal, nor deal falsely, nor lie to one another. And you shall not swear by My name falsely, nor shall you profane the name of your God: I am the LORD. You shall not cheat your neighbor, nor rob him. The wages of him who is hired shall not remain with you all night until morning. You shall not curse the deaf, nor put a stumbling block before the blind, but shall fear your God: I am the LORD. You shall do no injustice in judgment. You shall not be partial to the poor, nor honor the person of the mighty. In righteousness you shall judge your neighbor. You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people; nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD. You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD” (Leviticus 19:9–18).
Notice that loving our neighbor would include sharing with the poor and the alien; compassion and absolute honesty and justice in our relationships with others; impartiality; a refusal to be a party to gossip or slander; an absence of malice toward anyone and a refusal to bear a grudge; taking care never to put another’s life at risk and never taking private vengeance upon another. It is also interesting to note that when we have an issue with anyone, we should strive to make it right by going to him or her directly. James calls this the “royal law” (James 2:8). Our Lord taught that we should do to others as we would have them do to us (Matthew 7:12).
It is a fact that anyone who does not have a personal relationship with God through the Lord Jesus Christ will die in his sins and face eternity in hell. Therefore, we owe it to our neighbors to lovingly share with them the good news of the gospel. True believers have been forgiven, possess eternal life, and have blessings forever as the result of others who have shared the gospel with them. God’s love is evidenced in us as we communicate this precious gospel and love others as we have been loved."
Answer: An expert in the law tried to test the Lord Jesus by asking Him to declare what was the greatest commandment in the Law of Moses. In one masterful statement, Jesus condensed the entire law that God had given Moses: “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 22:37–40).
When we read the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20, we are struck with the realization that they focus on these two issues. Certainly we are to love God supremely. But what does it mean to love our neighbor as ourselves?
Jesus is quoting here from Leviticus 19. Let’s look at its context:
“When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not wholly reap the corners of your field, nor shall you gather the gleanings of your harvest. And you shall not glean your vineyard, nor shall you gather every grape of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the poor and the stranger: I am the LORD your God. You shall not steal, nor deal falsely, nor lie to one another. And you shall not swear by My name falsely, nor shall you profane the name of your God: I am the LORD. You shall not cheat your neighbor, nor rob him. The wages of him who is hired shall not remain with you all night until morning. You shall not curse the deaf, nor put a stumbling block before the blind, but shall fear your God: I am the LORD. You shall do no injustice in judgment. You shall not be partial to the poor, nor honor the person of the mighty. In righteousness you shall judge your neighbor. You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people; nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD. You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD” (Leviticus 19:9–18).
Notice that loving our neighbor would include sharing with the poor and the alien; compassion and absolute honesty and justice in our relationships with others; impartiality; a refusal to be a party to gossip or slander; an absence of malice toward anyone and a refusal to bear a grudge; taking care never to put another’s life at risk and never taking private vengeance upon another. It is also interesting to note that when we have an issue with anyone, we should strive to make it right by going to him or her directly. James calls this the “royal law” (James 2:8). Our Lord taught that we should do to others as we would have them do to us (Matthew 7:12).
It is a fact that anyone who does not have a personal relationship with God through the Lord Jesus Christ will die in his sins and face eternity in hell. Therefore, we owe it to our neighbors to lovingly share with them the good news of the gospel. True believers have been forgiven, possess eternal life, and have blessings forever as the result of others who have shared the gospel with them. God’s love is evidenced in us as we communicate this precious gospel and love others as we have been loved."
I read several other articles regarding "loving yourself" and how it impacts "loving your neighbor". What I took away from them was that Jesus loves us all equally and enough, and the commandment is really about trying to love people the way Jesus does, including yourself. Of course we, as humans, can not fully do this; but I think a very important part of the commandment is to remember that He loves us all....every one of us....even those who might be hard to love, including ourselves sometimes. I also feel like a very important part of the commandment is reiterating that we are loved, and that accepting this love is part of the greatest commandment....even when we don't feel like we are worthy. Jesus loves us....everyone!
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
Happy 26th Birthday To Our Marriage!!
Let me tell you about Neil aka NPayne aka Superman aka my better half aka my person. Let me start with this disclaimer....I don't believe you should count on people to make you happy or blame them for being unhappy, however I do believe that people can attribute to your feelings of happiness. Now onto NPayne! A long time ago, in a land far away, there was this boy and this girl....and this girl was in a dark place and really just trying to get through each day. This boy came along and through the grace of God, he "rescued" her.
Neil is gentle and kind and thoughtful. He has always treated me with nothing but respect. I don't think Neil makes me happy, but I do think he greatly attributes to my happiness. With that being said, I'm not happy 100% of the time. When I'm not happy, Neil doesn't make me unhappy. Now he can get on my last nerve and make me mad, but he has never once contributed to my unhappiness. I've had people, in my life, who have contributed to my unhappiness, but never Neil. It took me a long time to realize that people can control their words and actions towards you, and you cannot control that...you can only control how you react. I truly believe that God intervened in my darkest time to show me who I could be through Neil, and he brings out the best in me. If you have had the pleasure of knowing Neil, you surely know this about him too.
The other day I was stressed....as I have been a lot lately....about many things: my kids, money, school, trying to find a job. I just sent him an email that said...."What if I can't find a job?" He sent me back an email explaining how we will be okay, and I replied with "I'm nervous." He replied with, "Don't be! You only need a part-time job to pay for couches and donuts." ;) It made me laugh and lightened the load I've been carrying, but it also made me realize something that I have been struggling with. He has been working so hard and long hours, and it's been tough on me; because I'm use to him being around. I know that's a first world problem, but it's still a struggle for me. I like him being around. Our daughter has been very sick. I've had a lot of my own health issues. We have crazy things going on in our house.....yes, I know first world problem. But what I didn't think about was how it's been tough on him too. What I realized is that he has been putting in all of this time at work, so he could make sure I'm taken care of....we are taken care of. He has always worked hard and been amazing at his job. Neil didn't go to college, so he has had to work extra hard to earn recognition and pay that he deserves in the industry he's in. The fact that he has been working hard to provide for his family, since he was barely a teenager should be enough to prove himself in the work place; but it doesn't. He's had to prove it, and he has done so effectively. It has just taken a long time, and that is purely because he doesn't have a a degree. The fact that he has been working even more shouldn't surprise me; but I had the reason wrong. I thought it was just for a possible promotion, pay increase; but in reality it was for a possible promotion, pay increase to help me....so I didn't have to worry about money and bills and debt and medical expenses. It all made sense, and I was reminded again how much Neil loves me and that what he does is never for him, but always for us. Someone asked me recently how Neil handles it when I get mad at him, and I laughed a little when I thought about it; because I'm a hot head and have ranted over lots of things. My reply was that he remains calm and listens to me rant....most of the time not even about anything to do with him....and that he balances me out better than anyone else I could have ever imagined. Then I said this, "He's the best thing that ever happened to me"; and he is. Without him, there would be no us, no Payne Train. I realize that I was key in making 5 babies, but I also realize that without Neil as my husband; they would be very different people. Because you see....he balances them out too. So Happy 26th Anniversary Superman....you're my favorite, my person, my forever boyfriend; and I adore you!!
Neil is gentle and kind and thoughtful. He has always treated me with nothing but respect. I don't think Neil makes me happy, but I do think he greatly attributes to my happiness. With that being said, I'm not happy 100% of the time. When I'm not happy, Neil doesn't make me unhappy. Now he can get on my last nerve and make me mad, but he has never once contributed to my unhappiness. I've had people, in my life, who have contributed to my unhappiness, but never Neil. It took me a long time to realize that people can control their words and actions towards you, and you cannot control that...you can only control how you react. I truly believe that God intervened in my darkest time to show me who I could be through Neil, and he brings out the best in me. If you have had the pleasure of knowing Neil, you surely know this about him too.
The other day I was stressed....as I have been a lot lately....about many things: my kids, money, school, trying to find a job. I just sent him an email that said...."What if I can't find a job?" He sent me back an email explaining how we will be okay, and I replied with "I'm nervous." He replied with, "Don't be! You only need a part-time job to pay for couches and donuts." ;) It made me laugh and lightened the load I've been carrying, but it also made me realize something that I have been struggling with. He has been working so hard and long hours, and it's been tough on me; because I'm use to him being around. I know that's a first world problem, but it's still a struggle for me. I like him being around. Our daughter has been very sick. I've had a lot of my own health issues. We have crazy things going on in our house.....yes, I know first world problem. But what I didn't think about was how it's been tough on him too. What I realized is that he has been putting in all of this time at work, so he could make sure I'm taken care of....we are taken care of. He has always worked hard and been amazing at his job. Neil didn't go to college, so he has had to work extra hard to earn recognition and pay that he deserves in the industry he's in. The fact that he has been working hard to provide for his family, since he was barely a teenager should be enough to prove himself in the work place; but it doesn't. He's had to prove it, and he has done so effectively. It has just taken a long time, and that is purely because he doesn't have a a degree. The fact that he has been working even more shouldn't surprise me; but I had the reason wrong. I thought it was just for a possible promotion, pay increase; but in reality it was for a possible promotion, pay increase to help me....so I didn't have to worry about money and bills and debt and medical expenses. It all made sense, and I was reminded again how much Neil loves me and that what he does is never for him, but always for us. Someone asked me recently how Neil handles it when I get mad at him, and I laughed a little when I thought about it; because I'm a hot head and have ranted over lots of things. My reply was that he remains calm and listens to me rant....most of the time not even about anything to do with him....and that he balances me out better than anyone else I could have ever imagined. Then I said this, "He's the best thing that ever happened to me"; and he is. Without him, there would be no us, no Payne Train. I realize that I was key in making 5 babies, but I also realize that without Neil as my husband; they would be very different people. Because you see....he balances them out too. So Happy 26th Anniversary Superman....you're my favorite, my person, my forever boyfriend; and I adore you!!
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