Neil is gentle and kind and thoughtful. He has always treated me with nothing but respect. I don't think Neil makes me happy, but I do think he greatly attributes to my happiness. With that being said, I'm not happy 100% of the time. When I'm not happy, Neil doesn't make me unhappy. Now he can get on my last nerve and make me mad, but he has never once contributed to my unhappiness. I've had people, in my life, who have contributed to my unhappiness, but never Neil. It took me a long time to realize that people can control their words and actions towards you, and you cannot control that...you can only control how you react. I truly believe that God intervened in my darkest time to show me who I could be through Neil, and he brings out the best in me. If you have had the pleasure of knowing Neil, you surely know this about him too.
The other day I was stressed....as I have been a lot lately....about many things: my kids, money, school, trying to find a job. I just sent him an email that said...."What if I can't find a job?" He sent me back an email explaining how we will be okay, and I replied with "I'm nervous." He replied with, "Don't be! You only need a part-time job to pay for couches and donuts." ;) It made me laugh and lightened the load I've been carrying, but it also made me realize something that I have been struggling with. He has been working so hard and long hours, and it's been tough on me; because I'm use to him being around. I know that's a first world problem, but it's still a struggle for me. I like him being around. Our daughter has been very sick. I've had a lot of my own health issues. We have crazy things going on in our house.....yes, I know first world problem. But what I didn't think about was how it's been tough on him too. What I realized is that he has been putting in all of this time at work, so he could make sure I'm taken care of....we are taken care of. He has always worked hard and been amazing at his job. Neil didn't go to college, so he has had to work extra hard to earn recognition and pay that he deserves in the industry he's in. The fact that he has been working hard to provide for his family, since he was barely a teenager should be enough to prove himself in the work place; but it doesn't. He's had to prove it, and he has done so effectively. It has just taken a long time, and that is purely because he doesn't have a a degree. The fact that he has been working even more shouldn't surprise me; but I had the reason wrong. I thought it was just for a possible promotion, pay increase; but in reality it was for a possible promotion, pay increase to help me....so I didn't have to worry about money and bills and debt and medical expenses. It all made sense, and I was reminded again how much Neil loves me and that what he does is never for him, but always for us. Someone asked me recently how Neil handles it when I get mad at him, and I laughed a little when I thought about it; because I'm a hot head and have ranted over lots of things. My reply was that he remains calm and listens to me rant....most of the time not even about anything to do with him....and that he balances me out better than anyone else I could have ever imagined. Then I said this, "He's the best thing that ever happened to me"; and he is. Without him, there would be no us, no Payne Train. I realize that I was key in making 5 babies, but I also realize that without Neil as my husband; they would be very different people. Because you see....he balances them out too. So Happy 26th Anniversary Superman....you're my favorite, my person, my forever boyfriend; and I adore you!!
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