Grandparents

You know how God shows up in those little moments and sometimes you don't even realize it until they have passed? That recently happened to Bryna.  My parents and my in-laws have all passed away.  My kids don't have any living grandparents.  The only grandpa, that 4 of them knew, died in 2005....my dad.  Neil's dad died when Neil was one.  Elli has never had the experience of a relationship with a grandfather, and B's is very vague as she was only 2 when my dad passed.  My maternal grandparents were a HUGE part of my life, so influential in my spiritual walk but also with so many things in life.  I was extremely close to them.  My paternal grandmother died when I was a baby, so I never had the pleasure of knowing her.  My paternal grandfather died when I was a teen, so I didn't have long enough with him.  It's surreal and sad that my children lost their grandparents at such young ages.  My girls have often commented on how much they wish their grandparents were still here.  Yesterday I was driving B home from tutoring, and we were talking about her teachers.  She told me that she has a gentleman, Mr. Thompson, who subs in one of her classes regularly and how much she enjoys him.  She was telling me all about him, how he teaches a lot of life lessons along with the academic, that he is 80 years old but doesn't consider himself to be old, that he has a lovely wife, and that he reminds her of a grandpa she so desperately needs.  My heart hurt a lot for her, but I also felt really grateful to Mr. Thompson for making such a big impact in only a few short months.  Yesterday was his last day to sub, because he is moving to Santa Fe.  His daughter is building him and his wife a house out there next to her which is awesome for them.  The students were having a little heart to heart with Mr. Thompson and one of them asked him who his favorite student in the class was.  He said, "Well it's Bryna, because she reminds me of my granddaughter."  Maybe Mr. Thompson shouldn't have specified or maybe he should have said something like "You all are", but he spoke from the heart; and I think that all of the students appreciated that about him.   It was also a little blessing from God for Bryna....letting her know that she is seen and heard.  I like to think of  it as God telling her that He knows how much she wishes she had more time with her grandparents.  God works through us all in one way or another, and I'm thankful for Mr. Thompson and his honesty and love he shared with these kids.  He made a huge impact on Bryna, and she is going to miss him.   His granddaughter is very fortunate to have him. 

People

Do you ever people watch?  I am fascinated by people.  I don't always people watch, but when given the opportunity to observe, I do.  When I am observing strangers in whatever setting we are in, I often wonder what their personal life is like.  For example, how many people are in their family?  Do they live in a house, apartment, mobile home, or do they even have a place to call home?  Are there 2 parents, 1 parent, any parents?  Are they married, dating, single, widowed?  What struggle are they in, or is everything going really well right now?  I've learned that you can't judge a book but also that ...we have no idea what someone is experiencing whether that be joy or heartbreak.  Sometimes the people who seem to have it all together are the ones who don't, and those who don't seem to have it all together are the ones who do.  Life is weird like that...it deals out certain cards  and sometimes it's a great hand and sometimes you lose everything. Either way, I strive to be open minded and kind.  This world is harsh enough, isn't it?  Sprinkle that kindness, inclusion and compassion around like confetti.

Nudges

My heart is heavy.  Trying to balance my health, our house, finances, relationships, self worth and the overwhelming feeling of guilt knowing there are so many people with bigger struggles than I.  The world has become so dark to me. Focusing on the good things is a definite positive, but it hasn't come easily for me as of late.  Usually it does but not lately.  Then a week ago I was having a yard sale, just to get rid of some things and make a little extra money.  A woman and her husband stopped to browse.  She was looking at shoes I had for sale but decided against them and got into her car.  They both waved at me as they were driving away, and I waved back.  Then their car slowed before they left the front of my house, and I assumed she had changed her mind.  She got out and walked up my sidewalk, so I got up to go meet her.  I could tell she obviously wanted to talk to me.  She came right up to me, gently took my hand and looked directly into my eyes.  Then she slid a dollar bill into my hand and said, "This is for you."   I thanked her and assumed she would grab some shoes on her way back to her car, but she didn't.  She got into her car and waved at me again.  I looked at the dollar bill in my hand and realized it was a twenty dollar bill.  I don't know why she felt led to give me that, but I was very grateful.  The money was nice, and I have already paid that forward, but I was more grateful for the act of kindness....the gentle way she approached me and intentionally made me feel seen.  God is so good at using people, and I'm always grateful when they allow Him to use them.  If you feel a nudge, follow it....you never know the impact it will have.

It Takes The Whole Family!!

A week or so ago, I had a freak out moment.  I had asked my daughter, Drew, to make sure and be home by 4:30 to greet her brother as he got off the bus.  I had a faculty meeting, and the other girls all had work or school commitments.  I didn't tell Drew that none of her sisters would be home, so she didn't know.  She text me during the day and asked if she could go meet a friend who was coming in from out of town and be home by 5:00.  Note she had asked me about this earlier in the week as well, but I had forgotten.  I didn't read the text thoroughly, because I was busy at work and replied with something like "OK" thinking she was asking to meet her friend later.  As I was walking into my faculty meeting at 4:00, I had the nudge to text her again reminding her to be home at 4:30.  She replied that she wasn't home....not even near home, but in an entirely different city 30 minutes away.  I had a moment of panic, because I don't leave Cal alone for more than a few minutes and only after giving him very specific instructions:  "Don't go outside.  Don't open the door for strangers. Here is your phone, text me if you need me (which is just learning how to do and has never actually done yet)."  Having him come home to a completely empty house sent me into a frenzy.  I was irritated with Drew, and it definitely came across in my reply.  She was confused and reminded me that I had said "OK" to her being home by 5:00.  I called my neighbor, who did not respond and was not home; and then I told Drew I would go home and skip the meeting.  Graciously and apologetically, Drew said; "No mama, I'll go home and wait for him; so you don't have to miss the meeting." So my girl left her friend, who had traveled a long way and was only going to be available for that scheduled time, and drove home to greet her brother.  I can guarantee you she greeted him happily asking him about his day without being irritated about having to change her plans.  I apologized to Drew and felt badly for her, as well as, extremely grateful.  The beautiful thing about her and all of my kids is that she forgave me and didn't hold even the tiniest bit of a grudge.  The ironic thing is earlier that day I was thinking about my family and how caring for Cal is truly a family commitment. I had even started a blog post about it which turned into this one. The girls help out with Cal so very much, and I could not do half the things I do without their help.  They are compassionate and truly in complete adoration of their brother and have NEVER EVER EVEN ONCE complained about changing plans for Cal or helping with Cal or absolutely anything at all.  It's easy to adore Cal if you know him, but I also think the way his sisters love him has definitely impacted who he has become. I know their love for him has impacted who they have become.  And their love for each other has impacted who I've become.
 A long time ago, when Addi was a little girl; she kept begging me to have a lemonade stand.  I'll be honest and tell you that it was not on my list of things "TO DO".  It's not that I would have minded, it's more of I was busy....juggling work, all the babies, volunteering, a house, etc.  I just didn't have time for one more thing....or so I thought. Then one day she asked again, and instead of saying something like...sure we will do that real soon, I wondered why she was so insistent; so I asked her.  I expected her to say something like she wanted to have friends over to help and thought it would be fun, or she wanted to raise money to buy something we wouldn't/couldn't buy her; but that's not what she said at all.  Addi explained that she wanted to have a lemonade stand to raise money for Cal and Autism Awareness.  I remember stopping dead in my tracks, looking her in the eye and saying; "YES!!"  She planned, baked, stirred, made signs, and t-shirts; and she had a lemonade stand.  Over a few days, she raised over $600.  It was a pivotal time in my life and the life of my family for many reasons.  One reason was how the girls were able to witness the goodness in people.  People we loved, as well as, complete strangers supported that lemonade stand and her passion.  Many people, we didn't know, would stop and make donations and tell her what a good thing she was doing.  Another reason was that her generous and compassionate spirit. as well as, her determination has been instrumental in leading her sisters to reach outside of their comfort zones and pursue helping people in their own ways. That lemonade stand physically involved them in something where they were able to see  and feel the blessing of serving others. For me the most important reason is this one...Addi reminded me to take the time to listen to their passions and support them in anyway I can by simply saying "YES!!"
April is Autism Awareness Month, and we are grateful for the support you all have given in support of our boy and our girls.  It truly means the world to us all.  And these babies of mine....they bring so much light into the world, and I am changed for the better every time I say "YES!!"