May 28th....The Best Day of 1999!!

Happy 20th Birthday Callahan Leigh Payne, my Lone Ranger. My special boy who has taught me more about life than anyone or anything I've ever known. You have taught me the importance of being in the moment, not taking anything for granted and celebrating accomplishments that may not seem like much to most but are the world to us. I can still remember vividly the first time you let me kiss you without being annoyed and wiping it away, the first time you got into a pool after watching from afar for so long, the first time wrote your name between the tiny lines on the notebook paper, the first time you got new shoes before August, the first time you willingly wore a coat, the first time you didn't sleep with your shoes on, the first time you sat in a chair calmly for a haircut, the first time you went to school without a diaper, and many more. You may not have done these things in a typical time frame, but you did them; and you worked a lot harder than most of us to accomplish them. You may not have gotten invited to many birthday parties, learned to drive, graduated high school (yet); but you have impacted every single person, who has taken the time to get to know you, in the best possible way. You make us all better. You have shaped our family into who we are and made us all passionate about true inclusion, unconditional love, and appreciating the every day things. I remember the day you asked me what was wrong with you. I was so taken aback, but you looked so seriously in my eyes waiting for an answer. I've thought about that day a lot, and the answer is always the same...nothing! Nothing is wrong with you. You have Autism and Fragile X, but nothing is wrong with you. It is a big part of who you are, but it is not who you are. You are as valuable and remarkable as every person, and truthfully we all have something. We are all on the spectrum somewhere. The sooner we all realize that about ourselves and others, the better we will be able to love each other; and the better place the world will be. I have learned this greatest life lesson from you. To be honest, I think you are more of the type of person God had in mind when He created humans. He is pleased with you.
I took this photo yesterday. I spent a few minutes trying to shoot it without my reflection in it. Then I realized that seeing myself in you and you in me is a wonderful wonderful thing. Happy Bday My Beautiful Boy! I adore you!

DO BETTER

Sixth grade awards were last night.  Although Elliot knew she was not being honored with an award, she wanted to go to support all of her friends that were.  I have a gazillion things to do, and I secretly despise awards ceremonies; but I agreed to take her.  When we arrived, it was immediately awkward; because she wasn't sure if she could sit with her friends or not...since she was not receiving an award.  She quickly inspected and decided she would and went and sat with the others.  I stayed in the back.  The ceremony was one of the best I've attended....it was efficient with not too much fluff.  Pretty much every single one of her friends were recipients of at least one award.  She was very proud of them and so was I.  They were all so deserving.  After the ceremony, I spoke to a few people and then looked around for her.  Neil was coming to pick us up to head to her piano recital which was immediately following the awards ceremony.  I spotted her standing alone, so I waved her over.  She had a look on her face, and I knew right away that she was sad.  I asked her if she wanted to snap a few photos with some friends before we headed outside, and she shook her head no and said; "All of the Cannon kids are taking a photo."  I encouraged her to go get in the picture, because even though she didn't do all of her elementary years at Cannon; she did the majority.  Then she said, "They're all holding up their awards"; and I knew then why she was sad.  So we scooted on outside and walked a bit waiting for Neil.  My mind started racing....What can I do to help her "do better" next year, so she will get an award.  Then I looked at her freckled face and bright eyes and realized NOTHING, there is nothing I need to do.  The fact that she chose to be here knowing she wasn't receiving recognition but only to support her friends is about as good as it gets.  There's no "doing better", because she's done the best, truest, purest thing ever.  I have questioned the decision about homeschooling her for 4th and 5th grades, because I feel that she feels a little distant and isolated from her peers; but God always reminds me of how amazing those 2 years were and what we learned from each other.  He reminds me that she is His, and His plan for her is greater than mine.  "Doing better" is for His glory, not hers and especially not mine.  God uses her so well, and it is always so evident to me.  Elliot is truly a servant and most of the time servants go unnoticed, because oftentimes that's how it's supposed to be.  Doing God's work can be hard in different ways and staying true to your truth is one of the most difficult, but it's also one of the most important.

BUSY BUSY BUSY

MAY: noun; the month when everyone wants you to do all the things and pay for all the things.
Synonyms:  AUGUST and DECEMBER


Seriously could it be a busier time of year?  It's all fun and good stuff, but it's a lot of stuff.  Neil got up at 5:30 and drove a group of people (Addi included) to Love Field to get on a plane to Houston, sit all day in the airport and finally get on their connecting flight to Costa Rica.  Drew had her PROM last night and is on her way to Houston for a fun trip with 2 of her friends and a mama.  She was one of the Reverend Carol scholarship recipients.  Cal, Neil and I went to the Center of Unity Church this morning on her behalf.  I'm so glad we did, it was the sweetest service.  This was the only scholarship that she had to interview for which I didn't think she would do due to anxiety, but she did; and she loved it and they loved her.  Reverend Carol sent her the sweetest handwritten note a few weeks ago, and it was so incredibly meaningful.  I missed Drew being there with us this morning, because I know how much she would have enjoyed the service and seeing the scholarship committee again.  I know God felt that longing in my heart, because He showed up big.  One of the scholarship interviewers sang "Wind Beneath My Wings" which was one of my mom's favorite songs.  I can't remember the last time I heard that song, so I knew it was meant for me.  And the scripture read was Psalm 139:14 which is Drew's favorite scripture.  It was such a blessed morning.  Reverend Carol, who retired in 2018, was there and spoke to each of the recipients and to the congregation.  Her words were so genuine and spot on, and her voice quivered when she told them how incredibly proud she was of them and how thankful she is to be part of their journey.  She told us all how these kids are so important for the future of our world, but also how they are important and making a huge difference RIGHT NOW!  She named some of the things the recipients are doing right now to make a difference, and it was amazing at how they are currently changing the world for the better.  The advice she gave the was this:
1.  Don't lose contact with your family.  Texting is fine, but we like to hear your voices; so call sometimes.
2.  Laugh a lot!
3.  Look at the best within yourself and especially others, even those who disappoint you; because it's there.
4.  Stay true to your truth!
5.  Remember you're never alone! God is always with you!
I'm so grateful.  Neil and Elliot are currently working the church parking lot fundraising for mission trips.  Bryna is about to have her final masterclass play and then Bryna and Elliot and I will be heading to Allen for their dance recital dress rehearsal.  Busyness overwhelms me, and my eye has started twitching which is a sign of stress; but it only lasts for a short time....just like all of these fun activities.  Time is such a weird thing, isn't it?  Sometimes it seems so slow and other times, it passes in the blink or twitch of an eye.  I'm just trying to relish in all of these moments...eye twitch and all.