Choose To Be Happy

 When you are plagued by depression, sometimes the sadness is so overwhelming that it seems you will never escape it.  And if you do make your way out, you may still not feel happiness.  In fact, indifference may be as good as it gets.  Sometimes in the thick of sadness, you wonder if you've ever been happy at all.  But then you remember that you have, it just seems like another lifetime and just out of your grasp.  

Happiness is not something you can "choose" over sadness.  It is oftentimes not obtainable, no matter how good things are going for you, how good your life is, or how much you are loved.  It's not possible.  If it were possible, it seems those suffering overwhelming sadness would certainly "choose to be happy", wouldn't they?

Telling someone to "choose to be grateful" or "choose to be happy" or "choose to look at the positives" is not encouraging and absolutely not helpful to a person who is not in the mindset to do so....it is in fact discouraging and hurtful.  It can make them feel inadequate, unheard and stupid.  

When you are supporting someone with depression or many other mental health illnesses, sometimes you just listen. You may not understand their suffering, but even if you do; you just listen. By listening, they know that you are not here to minimalize their pain, dismiss their sadness, or provide quick fixes for them; but you are here and they are heard.

After listening to a group of students, who are or have been, moderately and/or severely depressed; the above is what I gleaned from their conversations.

Neil and Don and The Braves

 Last night Cal had a baseball game.  He plays for the Braves through The Miracle League which is a league designed for people of all ages and genders with special needs.  He has played for several years, and we all love it.  For the last few years, Neil has been the coach.  For the Fall season, they were planning on splitting up the Braves due to lack of enrollment which made us sad.  The majority of our team has been together from the beginning, and transitioning to a different team might have been confusing for some.   Neil had heard from a few of the OG parents that they weren't sure if their child would play if they weren't on the Braves, because they might not understand the change. At the last minute, they had some additional enrollees, so they added a few new players and kept the Braves together.  CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!!  And our players were thrilled. A lot of that has to do with their teammates but much of it has to do with Neil.  When Cal started playing, he had an amazing coach and "team mom", who wasn't actually anyone's mom; but the young coaches soon to be wife.  After several seasons, they stepped down; and Neil stepped in.  Neil had been helping out for a while, so although there was an adjustment for the players; it didn't take long until they realized Neil was the new coach.  On the way home from the game last night, he was telling me a story about one of the original players, who has Downs Syndrome.  We will call him Don for privacy sake. This particular player used to get really irritated with himself if he couldn't hit the ball in a timely manner which resulted in bringing in the tee.  Over the last few years, he has learned to have a little more patience with himself and is much more successful in hitting the ball and hitting it well.  He and Neil have a really great relationship, and they kid around with each other every game.  One thing Neil does every game, that I did not know about until last night, is he tells Don that he hit the ball so hard he knocked some of the skin off.  And although Don knows Neil is a jokester,  he believes this to be completely true.  At the end of every game, Neil digs around in the tub of balls until he finds one with split skin and ripped stitching and waits for Don to ask for it (which he does).  And at the end of every game, Neil gives Don the ball and tells him that's the ball...the one you knocked the skin off of!!   As I watched Neil cutting up with Don last night and kneeling down on one knee up real close to one batter, who has severe vision problems, so he could see the ball being pitched and encouraging and cheering for his team; something dawned on me.  It was not a new realization for me, but more of an absolute confirmation; and it is this:  Neil has a gift that I and so many have been so fortunate to receive.  It is the way he accepts and loves people.  It's legit!!!  My son has taught me about the meaning of life more than anyone I know, but last night it was confirmed that I still might not have learned what I have if Neil had not been his dad; because he helps me view it through his eyes and action and heart.  How great is that!!

JIMMY

 One of my friends shared this story with me this past weekend.  It reminded me of my daughter, Bryna, who turned 19 last week.  She shares "Jimmy's superpower", and although that is quite a legacy and amazing quality to have; it can also be really really hard sometimes. 

"Jimmy’s superpower is recognizing something amazing and unique in every person. His mission is to help people see the sacredness within themselves and to help people feel loved, cared for, and special. Once he makes a new friend, he goes about introducing one friend to another to another to another. He also has a rule that if you say a negative thing about a friend, you must follow it up with three nice things. Remember that: three things."

Being the one who many count on, the one who listens, gives of themselves fully is like giving a piece of yourself every day.  Then one day you find yourself running out of pieces, because your pieces are not being replenished.  Some people are not able to help you replenish your pieces, and that's okay.  If you are one who is, just make sure to check on your "Jimmys".

CHANGES

 It's finally Fall which makes my heart sing.  Although I don't particularly like change, I love the changing of seasons.  I think that's because I'm a middle of the road kinda gal.  I don't really like extreme anything and especially not for too long.  It would suck the soul right out of me if I had to live somewhere where the weather was the exact same ALL THE TIME!  With the change in seasons, I always get the urge to clean house literally.  This year I have also done some cleaning spiritually, emotionally and physically.   After a long time of feeling stuck, I have started to pursue Jesus in a new way.  I have done some deep soul searching, and I have gotten back on track with my health (mentally and physically).  Therapy is not for the weak (actually it is), but it does make you strong.  I don't usually "unfriend" people on social media, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or make them mad (even if they don't really like me); but I have decided that my feelings need to come first right now.  If you don't really like me or have my back, you don't need to know my business....seems fair to me.  Someone told me once, "it's none of your business what people think of you", and although that is hard on insecurities; it is such truth.  If you're my friend and hold space for our relationship, thank you!  You mean the world to me! 

After a while of trudging along in life, I'm once again starting to enjoy it.

So if you're stuck in the pit or the trenches, hold tight!  Keep going!  You got this!  I love you!  You'll get there!! And all the other cheesy but truthful sayings!