Monday, December 13, 2010

What I Regret Doing As A Mother....Take One!

I really regret taking Callahan's pacifier away from him so early. I know this may seem like a random thing to be harping on....since he's 11 and all, but....I have been in a few different discussions about my children and what they used to calm themselves or get themselves to sleep as babies. In each discussion, I was asked if any of my children used a paci; so I was "forced" to talk about it. It bothered me a little when we ripped the paci weaned him off of the paci, but the last few times I've talked about it; it brought me to tears. Callahan was 15 months old, and he was going to be at "school" where I worked every day. He had his paci in his mouth 24/7.....he never was without it. I had the bright idea that I should just break him of the paci cold turkey, so I did. We did the whole cutting the tip off deal, and let me just say that my baby cried himself to sleep for a week; and it was horrible. It was only a week, but it seemed like one of the longest weeks of my life. Cal had not been diagnosed with anything at 15 months, and honestly if he had; I probably would not have taken his paci. Because little did I know, but he really NEEDED it. I mean he really needed it. He has such heightened senses and struggles with many sensory issues....which have gotten much better over the years....but when he was little, it shaped most of what he would wear and eat. After the week of crying without his paci, he learned to soothe himself by sucking really hard on his tongue. It wasn't until years later, after he was diagnosed and he was much older, when I watched him sucking his tongue as he fell asleep that I broke down and sobbed. I felt so badly for taking away that need, and obviously I still do. Some day....if he ever understands what I'm talking about....I will tell him again how sorry I am that I took away his paci too early.

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