February 19th

As I was standing in church today singing my favorite hymn...."Come Thou Fount", I was listening intently to each word.....hanging on for dear life. My dad flashed into my mind, and I had a realization at that moment. It happens to me every year around late September through November....I get into a funk. It's the melancholy state where I think about the few months, weeks before he died. Each year, that time of year gets a little easier to get through; but I still get in a funk. I realized today, while singing my favorite hymn and preparing for the normal routine things we do at church this time of year....our Chili Bowl which is today, the Super Bowl sermon that Ken was famous for and which also happened to be the last sermon he preached, that I'm in that same state. It's in preparation for re-living the sadness that I so desperately felt when Pastor Ken died last year. There have already been announcements and talk about different things to do in his memory to remember him and the impact he had on so many lives on the year anniversary of his death. February 19th will be on a Sunday this year, so we will be at church grieving again....or in some cases grieving still. I know, from experience, that it gets easier; but that empty space that was left at the loss doesn't go away. I'm trying to prepare myself for re-living that day, but honestly I know that I can't. There's no way to prepare. Prayer for our church family and Ken's family would be much appreciated!

Come Thou Fount

1. Come, thou Fount of every blessing,   tune my heart to sing thy grace;   streams of mercy, never ceasing,   call for songs of loudest praise.   Teach me some melodious sonnet,   sung by flaming tongues above.   Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,   mount of thy redeeming love.   2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer;   hither by thy help I'm come;   and I hope, by thy good pleasure,   safely to arrive at home.   Jesus sought me when a stranger,   wandering from the fold of God;   he, to rescue me from danger,   interposed his precious blood.   3. O to grace how great a debtor   daily I'm constrained to be!   Let thy goodness, like a fetter,   bind my wandering heart to thee.   Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,   prone to leave the God I love;   here's my heart, O take and seal it,   seal it for thy courts above. 

DREW

Drew....she just got a ukulele. She loves it and wants to sleep with it, however she can't. Why you ask? Because it's a ukulele, and it would be uncomfortable to sleep with. Drew....she is almost 11 and almost finished with 5th grade. This makes me sad. Why you ask? Because she will be in middle school next year, and she will soon outgrow her love for Barbies....American Girl dolls....and daddy/daughter dances. Drew.....she's a beautiful person inside and out. This makes me happy. Why you ask? Okay....you wouldn't ask why about that one....any mother would be happy to confess her daughter as beautiful inside and out. Wouldn't you agree?

NPAYNE

I love my husband.

THE END!

Empty

There have been many things on my mind lately.....mainly that feeling of confusion. I have a wonderful life and am so blessed and so happy, but.....I find myself feeling very empty a lot of the time. I wasn't sure why, and I kept trying and trying to figure it out. I love my husband, and he loves me....that's not it. I adore my children, and they adore me.....that's not it. I have the best friends in the world....that's not it! I am still adjusting to working, outside of the home, every day and trying to balance life in between....could that be it? I feel bombarded by insignificant details for the major part of my day....could that be it? The busyness, chaos, and crowding of the area that surrounds me wears me out....maybe that's it. I wasn't sure. Then I read this.....

"Let me bless you with My grace and Peace. Open your heart and mind to receive all that I have for you. Do not be ashamed of your emptiness. Instead, view it as the optimal condition for being filled with My Peace. It is easy to touch up your outward appearance, to look as if you have it all together. Your attempts to look good can fool most people. But I see straight through you, into the depths of your being. There is no place for pretense in your relationship with Me. Rejoice in the relief of being fully understood. Talk with Me about your struggles and feelings of inadequacy. Little by little, I will transform your weaknesses into strengths. Remember that your relationship with Me is saturated in grace. Therefore, nothing that you do or don't do can separate you from My Presence." From Jesus Calling Devotional!

Once again, I am not taking the time needed to spend time in my relationship with Jesus. My heart and mind is not completely open to receive....not because I don't want it to be....but because I haven't figured out how to prioritize. I'm tired....I'm just plain tired. I don't feel like I'm doing enough. I don't feel like I'm living each moment to its fullest but just getting through the day. I don't want to miss one precious moment with my children....not one moment.

Romans 8:38-39

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Grace

I am blessed....beyond words....and so are you! We have the grace of God, the love of God, we have God! I know that there are more people, in the world, who don't know God than there are people, in the world, that do know God; but those of us who do know Him....we are blessed! I agree with the fact that people suffer consequences and sometimes we make bad choices and suffer a bad consequence, and sometimes we make more bad choices and suffer more bad consequences. But sometimes we suffer when we haven't made a bad choice, but we still suffer....that's called LIFE! I also know that no matter how "good" we are or how many good choices we make or how many good things we do, we are not good enough. We need God's grace, forgiveness and love.

Romans 3:9-20

No One Is Righteous

⁹ What shall we conclude then? Do we have any advantage? Not at all! For we have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under the power of sin. ¹⁰ As it is written:

“There is no one righteous, not even one;
¹¹ there is no one who understands;
there is no one who seeks God.
¹² All have turned away,
they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
not even one.”^[a]
13 “Their throats are open graves;
their tongues practice deceit.”^[b]
“The poison of vipers is on their lips.”^[c]
14 “Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.”^[d]
15 “Their feet are swift to shed blood;
¹⁶ ruin and misery mark their ways,
¹⁷ and the way of peace they do not know.”^[e]
18 “There is no fear of God before their eyes.”^[f]

¹⁹ Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. ²⁰ Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin.

I know it may sound harsh, and it would definitely sound hopeless if we didn't know about God's grace; but I do....hopefully you do....and we can share this good news, so that more will too!

B-Nut

It's that time....time for me to take individual photos of each of my children. Time for me to capture their personality in photos. Here's a sneak preview of B-Nut. She was first! Is she not the cutest guitar playing thing you've ever laid eyes on? Why yes she is! More to come soon!

Margaret Grace Jones

Maggie clapping while sitting on the judge's lap today

when we all clapped as it was announced....."Margaret Grace Jones!"

Lisa and Maggie on the first day I met her.

A glorious thing happened today. Some of my closest most wonderful super-d-duper friends adopted their sweet foster baby Maggie. One and half years ago, they brought her home from the hospital when she was 3 days old. The first time I held her was in church, which was a few days later, and I sobbed....uncontrollably, joyful, wonderful tears. When I saw the look on my friend, Lisa's face, as she walked in holding that baby....I sobbed! Today that same sweet baby and my same sweet friends became an official, legal family. They have been joined in love since that first day, but today it became official. Some of you may remember that last year, before I had a 5 day a week job, Ms. Maggie spent some of her days with Elli and I. Needless to say, we became very attached....see photo below! A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from their case worker. She asked me several questions about Curtis and Lisa and their two biological children, and right before she hung up....she asked me this....."Do you have any hesitations about Maggie becoming their baby?" My answer....."NOT ONE BIT!" Then she said....."Let's get this done!" Again, I sobbed....I know you know this, but I'm sort of a cry baby...deal with it! ;)

Today was the day....to "get this done"! When we walked into the courtroom, along with the few other families waiting to adopt their children, I couldn't help but smile. It was that smile that you just can't get off of your face. The judge and the bailiff were amazing. They were so sweet and inviting and said....anyone could take photos at anytime. The first adoption was one of a 9 1/2 little boy, named Richard, as he stood by the judge listening to his "mom" answer questions; I watched his face. I couldn't help but think how hurtful some of that must have been for him....the "his biological mom relinquished parental rights"....the "no father has ever come forward"....etc. But there he stood proud and tall. When the judge asked Richard if he would like his new last name to be Brewer, she jokingly said....you know we can change it to anything you want! As we all giggled, he remained serious and answered with something like "No ma'am, I want to be a Brewer!" It was a beautiful wonderful event in the life of that boy and his family. I can't even explain the emotion that went through me, and I had never even seen Richard before. When it was Maggie's turn, we all....all 18 of us.....walked up front to approach the judge. The judge took Maggie into her lap as they asked Curtis and Lisa all the legal stuff, and again I smiled.....that uncontrollable, can't quit smiling smile! Then they announced....that Margaret Grace Jones was part of their family "FOREVER AND EVER!" Those were her exact words, and it was like a fairytale....it was my favorite part! It's official, Maggie is now a Jones; and for that I am thankful! I just want to close this post with this....if you're ever cranky, if you're ever contemplating adoption, if you ever need your heart filled up with joy.....go to the Family Courthouse early one morning and sit in on the families who are being granted adoption, you will be so blessed and so glad you did and you will definitely decide to adopt! ;) We got it done!

Lisa announced that the adoption was final today, and she ended her message with this....

For You, O LORD, have made me glad by what You have done, I will sing for joy at the works of Your hands. Psalm 92:4

How appropriate! Praise God!

My Lifelong Friend

Three years ago today, my lifelong friend nearly lost her life during childbirth. Her son did lose his. She suffered from HELLP Syndrome and as a result a stroke. Her baby boy was born quite prematurely and lived one hour on earth. Shiloh is celebrating his 3rd birthday with Jesus. My friend, Leslie, and her husband, Jeff, are a true example of God using something for good.....Romans 8:28. They are devastated, they are heartbroken, they have been rocked to their core; but they still allow the love and joy that only Christ can provide to fill them completely....and.....it shows. The light shines brightly around them...nearly illuminating wherever they go. They talk openly about their brokenness and their heartache, but they also talk openly about their peace and joy! It's truly inspirational and amazing to be around them for any amount of time and see the good they are doing as they share The Good News through their words and actions. We grieve for their little boys....they lost another son, Chet in 2005; but we find comfort in knowing where they are and who they are with and that someday they will hold them in heaven. No mother should have to bury her children, but they do.

Mothers and Their Children

Maybe it's because I'm on an abundance of cold medicine or maybe it's because Feb. 19th is approaching or maybe it's because one of my daughter's classmates was murdered on Christmas or maybe it's all of the above; but I'm having a hard time keeping my chin up. I can't stop thinking about my pastor, Ken, who died so suddenly on Feb. 19th last year. I can't get the imagined vision of that family.....all sitting around their Christmas tree....laughing and opening gifts one minute and lying lifeless the next....murdered by the father of their family. I can't stop thinking about the fear and confusion they felt as they saw each person being brutally shot. I asked my daughter what was said at her school about the boy who was murdered, and she told me her first period teacher read them something explaining what happened. That's it???? They didn't pray or have a moment of silence or something more???? I know it's public school, but I felt there needed to be more. I know counselors are available to talk with students as needed......but it doesn't seem like enough. It may have been enough and was probably very appropriate, but I feel like they all moved on without skipping a beat. I could be wrong, and I hope I am. I couldn't help but wonder how Addi felt when she went to that class today and saw his empty seat. When Drew lost a friend, in 2nd grade, to leukemia....it was much different. I thought about it today, and I remembered that Ken called me early on April 1st to tell me that Jayla had died. I knew Drew would take it hard, and I wanted to be the one who told her. Ken knew this and was thoughtful enough to call me before she went to school. I can vividly remember exactly what he said and how his voice sounded....."Lorie, this is Ken. I just wanted to call and let you know that Jayla died this morning! I wanted to call you before Drew left for school!" and his voice quivered. It broke my heart then and it broke my heart today to think about it again. A mother should never have to bury her child....this I believe wholeheartedly....but many have and many will. Pray for those who have!