Missing My Pastor

It's been almost a year......since my pastor died. This has been a week of "lasts" for many...the last time I talked to Ken.....the last time I saw Ken.....the last words he said to me.....the last time I traded emails with him.....and so on and so on! My church has many ways to honor his memory, and honestly I haven't done any of them. I havent read or written on the memorial blog. I haven't signed up for the memorial bike ride. I haven't done anything.....except cry and pray! I know it's an act of love and respect to honor the memory of someone so loved, but I just don't want to re-live that pain. I don't want to watch people fall apart all over again just when it seems like we're getting it together. I don't want to feel such sadness every time I go into our church. It will get easier AGAIN with time. And then next year around this time....with several rough days in between....I'll feel melancholy again. I am finally getting to a place where I can really be thankful for the lifetime of knowledge that God brought me through Ken in just 5 1/2 years I knew him instead of just being sad that he's not here. God is good....all the time....He is good!