Sigh

I took my Drew to middle school parent night, and when we got home....SHE CRIED! :(

I'm the one who is suppose to be crying, and I will....oh I will! My sweet little girl is a worrier just like her mama.....not like her daddy! She wants to do the right thing, make the right choice, and is worrying herself into tears! Did I mention that she cried last night too? Well she did. She is easily overwhelmed by business and lack of sleep.....just like her mama.....not like her daddy! Can I ask you to pray peace for my sweet little girl.

Sunday Sermon Summary-PASSION

PASSION- An English definition: strong amorous feeling or desire, LOVE

PASSION- A Latin definition: sacrifice.

What are you passionate about? Have you found it yet? One of the things Pastor John mentioned today during his sermon was this....you don't have to be passionate about your job, but you can bring what you are passionate about through to your job. I had never really thought about that much, although I know many people who are not passionate about their jobs. I also never thought about the fact that there might be people (mainly adults) who haven't found something they're passionate about. One of the other things he mentioned, that I found to be a valuable piece of information to me personally, is that even if you know what you're passionate about; it doesn't mean that you are passionate about it every second of every day. WHEW....thank goodness....because there are days when I don't feel very passionate about anything. Maybe I'm odd, because I have several things that I'm passionate about....several! The thing that I'm most passionate about is being a mother, but yes there are days when I feel a little burned out or unsuccessful or worried that I'm not doing it right.

The week between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday is referred to as Passion Week. If we think about passion in the terms of "sacrifice", we can certainly see why it would be called that. On the other hand, if we think about passion in the terms of "love"; we can certainly see why it would be called that a well. Jesus loved us so much that he sacrificed his life for us.....PASSION! What are you passionate about, in both meanings? In other words, what do you love so much that you would sacrifice a part of yourself for it? Through the burn out, failures, uncertainties of being a mother; I know without a doubt that I love it so much that I would willingly sacrifice a piece of myself for it. It's a "job" that I'm fortunate enough to be passionate about and to bring my passion to. John encouraged us to let our light shine through our passions. Can I tell you that is my main goal in life for my children....not so much as to shine my light, but for them to see the light of Christ shine through me? Can I also tell you how difficult that can be, because there are days of burn out, failures and uncertainties. But thank God....literally....that there is also mercy, grace and forgiveness. I encourage you to shine the light of Christ through your passion. Use it to glorify Our Father!

"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16

Lent

We went out to eat tonight....five of us. Addi is on a youth church retreat, and Drew is sleeping over with her friend. Typically we would not have eaten out tonight, but NPayne suggested it; since Bryna and Elli could eat for free at the restaurant where we were going....Cal doesn't eat....and we were down two mouths; so out we went. We ordered and we're waiting for our food when I noticed NPayne's Bible sitting on the table. My first thought was....oh he's teaching Sunday School tomorrow, so he brought it to look over scripture. My next thought was....he wouldn't bring his stuff to prepare for SS to a restaurant, because when we all dine together; our time is spent talking and listening to each other. So after these thoughts passed, I just asked him....."Why did you bring your Bible in?" Then he explained it was for Lent. NPayne usually does several different things during Lent to help him remember the sacrifice that was made. One of those was to carry his Bible with him everywhere he went for this week. He carried it to work, to Drew's soccer game, to the grocery store, to the restaurant, everywhere. Genius if you ask me! I decided not to give anything up, but to take some things on.....NPayne inspired me. One of the things I'm doing is praying specifically for people. I've asked for people to send specific or nonspecific requests to my Facebook wall. If you have any prayer requests, I would be honored to pray for you.

Ash Wednesday

It's the first day of Lent. I have no idea what I'm giving up. In fact, I would really like to take something on. What? I'm not sure yet. My oldest is giving up soda and Facebook. She will be thinking about the sacrifice a whole lot, since she is the queen of Facebook. Actually she is the princess, because i am the queen. ;) My two youngest are giving up dessert and candy. They wanted to give up chocolate milk and lemonade, however, neither of them drink chocolate milk or lemonade; so......not really working for me. Then my smack dab in the middle child, Drew, decided to take something on. She and 2 of her sweet friends are holding a food and supply drive for our local animal shelter. Me???? Still not sure, but I'll keep praying about it. I want it to be meaningful. My everyday life has been lacking in the service area lately, and I need to change that....with God's direction of course.

Missing My Pastor

It's been almost a year......since my pastor died. This has been a week of "lasts" for many...the last time I talked to Ken.....the last time I saw Ken.....the last words he said to me.....the last time I traded emails with him.....and so on and so on! My church has many ways to honor his memory, and honestly I haven't done any of them. I havent read or written on the memorial blog. I haven't signed up for the memorial bike ride. I haven't done anything.....except cry and pray! I know it's an act of love and respect to honor the memory of someone so loved, but I just don't want to re-live that pain. I don't want to watch people fall apart all over again just when it seems like we're getting it together. I don't want to feel such sadness every time I go into our church. It will get easier AGAIN with time. And then next year around this time....with several rough days in between....I'll feel melancholy again. I am finally getting to a place where I can really be thankful for the lifetime of knowledge that God brought me through Ken in just 5 1/2 years I knew him instead of just being sad that he's not here. God is good....all the time....He is good!

Happy V-Day!

Today and Every Day...."Do Everything In Love!"

1 Corinthians 16:14

From One Job To The Next

I kept thinking I was a failure....trying to balance it all out....always being tired.....becoming a little depressed....not getting accomplished what I wanted to.....then I realized.....I'm not a failure.

I'm just spreading myself too thin....but not for long! :)

February 5th.....The Best Day of 2001

Happy Birthday to My Sweet Drew Michelle Payne.

The girl who is now 11. She loves unconditionally, she loves hard, and she loves pure. She is a strong person who has a sensitive heart. Her old soul shines through, and her sweet spirit is contagious. Drew is so very sentimental. She just told me, when I commented on how she was growing, that she sometimes wished she was still a little girl....just so her daddy could still pick her up and swing her around. I can't believe she will be in middle school next year, and that my time with her will have to be carefully orchestrated to include more than just homework. If my blink lasts more than a few seconds, she will be a grown woman. So many things to love about Drew.....I could never ever ever tell you them all, but just know that she is a precious gift who I could never live without! I adore her!

WORRY

As you know, I'm a worrier by nature. It's sort of odd, because I don't really worry about what's going on right now....I worry about what's to come....several months from now or even years from now. I've started that same worrying I did when Cal was in 4th grade.....worrying about how he would do in middle school. Now he's in 7th grade, and I'm worried about where to send him to high school. I've started worrying about how middle school will affect Drew next year. Actually I'm not really worried about it, but honestly I'm just a little saddened by it. Watching Addi go through middle school was really hard. She was fine and did great, made lots of friends, enjoyed her time there; but I did not. I had to adjust to the fact that there are teachers who don't want to talk to you about your child, that there are things that I don't feel are appropriate that occur, that she became a teenager. But ultimately what saddened me was the fact that she started to outgrow the "little girl" things.....she stopped playing Barbies, and school, and American Girl Dolls, and watching PBS, she didn't want to do gymnastics in the front yard or run through the sprinklers anymore. It made me sad. Of course I want my children to grow and thrive, and I know going from one stage to another is part of that; but it seems like time goes by so quickly.....just a few years ago, I was reading her books and singing her songs....wasn't I? It seems like a few years ago, but in reality it was quite a while ago. Addi is growing into a lovely young lady, and I have every confidence that Drew will do the same....but it will be without her Barbies and Webkinz.....SIGH!

"WORSHIP ME ONLY. Whatever occupies your mind the most becomes your god. Worries, if indulged, develop into idols. Anxiety gains a life of its own, parasitically infesting your mind. Break free from this bondage by affirming your trust in Me and refreshing yourself in My Presence. What goes on in your mind is invisible, undetectable to other people. But I read your thoughts continually, searching for evidence of trust in Me. I rejoice when your mind turns towards Me. Guard your thoughts diligently; good thought-choices will keep you close to Me."

From Jesus Calling Devotional

They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD. Psalm 112:7