Tuesday, October 28, 2014


Busyness OVERWHELMS me....I have to stop and take a breath often.  The holiday season is the busiest time of the year for me....I am swamped with photo sessions (good thing), we are in the beginning stages of remodel aka doing all the work ourselves (good/questionable thing), I'm trying to have a birthday party for Bryna whose birthday was in September (good thing), it's the holidays (enough said), my emotional cup runneth over as it's the time of year when my dad was perishing right before my eyes (hard/sad thing), it's the first holiday season without my mama (heartbreaking/difficult thing).  Instead of viewing this season as challenging, I am going to do my best to view it as what it is....another season and be grateful for all of these things.  Hopefully I can hold on to my calm and celebrate each day...especially the busy ones.  I'm going to need a lot of coffee and prayer.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014


I miss this.....


Sometimes simple things are the best reminders....or at least that's true for me.  My 15 year old son planted and grew this bean plant at school.  He brought it home with a big smile on his face, because well...look at it...it's thriving.  Cal might not understand all of the plant vocabulary he learned while planting and caring for his sprout, but he knows what it needed to grow....plain and simple....someone to care for it.  When I walk by that plant every day, with his name written on that cup, it reminds me to care for people the way that I have been cared for.  Give someone a piece of myself....even if it is a small piece...give it away.  I use to be overwhelmed by the thought of all of the needs in the world, because I thought I couldn't do much....one person, what can I do?  Over the years, I've learned that one person can make a huge difference; so I don't hold back....don't hold back!!  I recently went to a women's conference where Jen Hatmaker was the speaker....she said many things that impacted me, but one that I've thought about every day since the conference was....if we help the people around us, literally directly around us and if everyone in the world did the same....all the people of the world would be cared for.  It sounds so easy, so why is it so hard?  I can't help but wonder if it's because there are so many who don't think one person can make a difference; but one person can!  Don't hold back!!  The Paynes are about to embrace her advice in more ways than one....hold on to your hats people....it's going to get all lovey and mushy around here!  "We can't help everyone, but everyone can do something for someone." Ronald Regan.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

In The Moment

Today was good. My family and I explored our community. We went to a huge book sale, a basketball game, several thrift stores and did lots of window shopping, we ended the day with supper and coconut pie. It was one of the best days I've had in a very long time. As we sat at the diner waiting for our food, I looked at my kids' faces and their smiles as they shared their stories, their roses; and my heart nearly exploded. I couldn't help but let my mind wander to this day in a few years...will Addi be with us? Will there be a beau accompanying her? Will we have many more days where all 7 of us hang out together all day long? My kids are growing up....and I thank God for that, but it's so bittersweet. I've been a mama for so long, and I knowI always be; but their independence....it's a beautiful thing and a heart wrenching thing. So for now, I try to focus on the RIGHT NOW....RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

Friday, October 3, 2014


I haven't written in quite a while which is very unlike me.  Even when I don't write on my blog, I write; but I haven't.  I have thoughts in my head and heart, but I haven't had the words....I haven't had the words.  Tonight I was putting clean sheets on my bed, and I folded up the quilt at the end of my bed, the one my great grandmother made.   For a fleeting moment,  I thought....I need to call mom and ask her about this quilt again, but...well you know.  There was that instant piercing pain and that feeling of being punched in the stomach.  It didn't last long this time.  Sunday will be 5 months since she died.  Sometimes it seems like a long time ago, and other times....I almost forget she's not down the street.  Today Elli asked me, "What was Moo's name?"  I had never thought about her not knowing her grandmother's name, but really why would she?  She/we always called her Moo, and Moo is what my mama loved to be called.  I said her name out loud a few times...."Sandy, Sandra, Sandy"....then I thought about the last word she said to me..."HI"!  I miss her.  I miss my dad.  I'm glad they're together.