Friday, September 29, 2017


About 3 years ago, I had a TIA.  After days in the hospital and lots of tests, it was determined that I had cerebral vascular disease, called Microangiopathic Ischemic Disease.  I've been on meds to prevent a full blown stroke for the last 3 years.  Over the last few months, I've been feeling those same symptoms again; so it was time for another MRI.  This one also showed stuff going on in my brain, Microangiopathic White Matter Disease.  I didn't really get any answers or suggestions on how to deal with the symptoms, and honestly I'm kinda frustrated.  I feel like I've been hearing a lot of, "We really don't know, so just take this".  A few months ago, I decided to take my oldest to a holistic doctor to try to get some answers in regards to her hypothyroidism, depression, crazy and weird swelling that had been going on.  He has given her some natural things to try to help, and she has started neuro feedback therapy.  I'm so so hopeful that this well provide some brain balance for her.  Much to her dismay, I also started my 16 year old on neuro feedback as well to see if it could help her with her anxiety.  Through all of this, I've felt a lot of things: sad, irritated, helpless, confused to mention a few.  One thing I haven't felt is hopeless, I know God has this.  The part that is the hardest for me is not being able to give up control.  I'm working on it though, and I keep looking up.  Someone asked me what kind of treatment I can have to battle this, and at this time; I don't really know as far as medical stuff goes. What I do know is the kind of treatment I can provide myself.  I have to thank God every day for allowing me another wake up, I have to embrace every little part of every day....even the hard and sad.  I have to look for the good....especially when it's hard and sad.  I have to remember to not take people or things for granted.  I have to love with my whole heart and not let anyone wonder.  I have to give myself lots of grace when I am really struggling with things like focus and memory and balance.  And I have to remember this, "whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say it is well, it is well with my soul".

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