"Stuff"

NPayne and I were raised in very different circumstances....we were both raised in homes full of love, but our circumstances were indeed very different.

I was an only child raised by two full time working parents. As a young child, my parents faced financial hardships but eventually overcame them with lots of hard work....I mean LOTS of work. My parents worked a lot! By the time I was a teenager, I wouldn't say we were by any means rich, but I never did without. I never worked in high school except in the summers. My parents paid for my college education, car, clothes, etc. until I was on my own at 22.

NPayne is the youngest of 3 who was raised primarily by his mother and grandmother. His dad died when he was 1. His mother faced many financial hardships, and she worked very hard as well; but she didn't overcome those financial harships until her children were grown. NPayne did work in high school, but it wasn't to buy things for himself. He worked to help keep the water turned on, to keep the electricity from getting shut off. He worked to help pay the bills!

Through all of this, we had very different perspectives when we first became parents....

It may seem odd, but I thought it would be good for our children to work for things they wanted, buy their own cars, possibly pay for their own college. NPayne thought completely differently....he wanted to make sure we could buy them EVERYTHING, because his mother couldn't do that for him. As we've grown in our marriage, our faith, our relationships with each other, our children, our friends, our GOD; we have sort of naturally met in the middle. We never argued over this difference. We discussed it from time to time, and as our family grew; we realized that we can certainly provide their needs...but there is no way we can provide everyone's wants. So out of the necessity that is our life, our children will and do have to work for things they want. They know that they will have to buy their own cars and pay for some of their college, BUT....they know that we will help them! I think we have come to an agreement that we will help them, but we won't give them everything they want....even if we could. We have seen with our girls....even at young ages....that when they really want something that we aren't going to buy them, they will work for it. We have also seen that it helps them to determine if they really want to spend their money on it, and for the most part....it helps them take better care of it and be more responsible. Now I'm not saying we don't ever buy our kids things they want, because that would be an untruth. What I am saying is that.... when our newly turned 13 year old daughter wanted a new fancier version of a cell phone.....after she had gone 6 months without the simple one that we had bought her, because she dropped it in the toilet and it no longer worked....we basically said "You need to research it, see how much it costs, figure out how much you will need and are willing to spend, and start saving!" And she did....she researched, saved, and bought herself a nice new fancier cell phone. I was not in the least bit tempted to buy her a new phone. BUT when our newly turned 13 year old asks me to take her shopping, so she can buy her sister a birthday present....I am much more tempted to say "Oh I'll buy her something from you", but I don't. I let her figure out what she wants to get her and how much she is willing to spend. When our 9 year old wants me to buy her another webkinz, I don't hesitate in saying "NO"; but when our 9 year old takes something off the cross at church to help the poor....and it happens to be to buy a chicken through World Vision that costs $13... NPayne and I would be much more tempted to pay for something like that, HOWEVER; we don't. She worked all through Spring Break....pet sitting...and earned enough money to buy the chicken and have quite a bit leftover! As I said before, we do buy our kids "stuff"; we just don't buy them a lot of "stuff". As I learn more about people all over the world, who are doing without needs much less a want; it is really settling in with me that "stuff" is not important. It's just not. As I am slowly clearing out "stuff" in our house, I am realizing that I don't want my children to think it's all this "stuff" that makes us happy or fulfilled. I want them to know that giving, serving, loving all in the name of JESUS with the glory given to Him will be much more fulfilling. Ultimately it's the relationship they are building with Christ that will make them happy and fulfilled, and through that relationship....they will see how rich they are....without any money or any "stuff"!