Decisions

I just returned from Maundy Thursday aka Holy Thursday service at church....I haven't been in the sanctuary in a while, and it was nice to be there and strange all at the same time.  After the service and readings, we waited with anticipation to have our hands washed and take communion.  My eldest, Addi, and I have both had a rough week....for different reasons....nonetheless it's been rough for both of us.  We were both a little cranky when we went into the sanctuary, and it took me a while to join into singing and reading as my mind was wandering; but then I focused as Pastor Rick began reading from John 13.  When we went up to wash hands....I washed hers.  As I poured the water on her hands, I looked at her face....that beautiful face....the one that calls me "MOM"; and all my irritations and concerns vanished.  It might have only been for a moment, but they were gone.  She smiled a goofy smile at me, and I at her.  Then we took communion, and I prayed diligently....thoughtfully....honestly.  I asked God for help with what I need help with, I thanked Him for helping me and for being who He is in my life, and I prayed He be glorified in all that I do.  As the next weeks come and go, and there are big decisions to be made; I will continue to ask Him to help me go about those in the best, most honest, and christlike way.  I will pray that He will show me how to glorify Him in all decisions I make....big ones and little ones!  If you see me dazed, it's because my head is in the clouds.....listening and following where He leads me!  AMEN!

Struggles

Lots of revelations lately...some good...some not...but lots!  There are struggles that a few of my kiddos are facing...spoken and unspoken!  There are struggles that many of my friends are facing....spoken and unspoken!  There are struggles that some of my extended family are facing....spoken and unspoken!  There are struggles everywhere I look....except when I look up....then it becomes clear, and I am reminded that this life is temporary; and we live in the moment enjoying it all until we get to the best part....which is up where there will be no more struggles!

Palm Sunday

Palm Sunday.....Jesus entered on a donkey, the people waved palms to celebrate his entrance, he was entering know what was to come; yet he entered triumphantly.  Thank Him and Praise Him!  Our sins are washed away....no matter what they are, they are cleansed if you only ask!  AMEN!

REMODEL

Looking forward to the upcoming remodel.  It has been put on hold long enough, and although I scared my 2 little girls half out of their wits by telling them our house was going to fall down (which part of it is close); I'm afraid they will be even more frightened when construction begins....because it will be falling down as it gets built back up.  I'm tired of living in the city and have been for quite a while, but my family is not.  Compromise is....getting the house repaired, uncluttered and having a laundry room and master bathroom to enjoy!  Another benefit will be the much lower mortgage payment, since interest rates are so low.  Of course our house is almost paid off, so that is a bummer; but you do what you gotta do.  Since we aren't made of money....especially right now with only one income....the lower payment will be very helpful.  And since we will never be able to pay outright for the kind of repairs that are needed, a refinance is our best option.  So let's get the ball rolling, and I'll just spend all of my weekends in Athens!  :)

TV

Today was a good day in many ways....I was surrounded by littles....and definitely formed a strong affection for several!  My day was busy and full, but still my heart was heavy!  Why?  Now it's time for something that will keep my brain occupied on things that don't encompass my every thought, so I'm headed to watch some senseless TV show!  :)

Living at the lake!

Remember my post below?  Lake living....can't wait to get there....can't get there fast enough!

My Dream House

Take a look around and let your breath be taken away!  Then imagine a big old farm house right in the middle of this field.  Look to the right, and there it is .... the lake!  Two years from now, I want to live somewhere just like this.  Actually I am ready to run move there right now.  Of course not being the bread winner makes that quite the challenge when the bread winner doesn't want to move....YET!  I have everyone else convinced except the bread winner and the 16 year old, but in 2 years; she will be in college. She can bring her friends and spend every weekend with us at the lake in our farm house in the middle of wildflowers!  If I had it my way, we would be here in a few short months....surrounded by beauty, peace, love, laughter....with nothing but good!

Spring Break

Lifelong Friends....heading to spend the weekend with some of my lifelong friends.  I can't wait to see them and be with them and their kiddos!  Life is good when we are together....even when we have faced some heartbreaking situations!  It's been a long time, since some of us have seen each other; and some of us will not be there in person but in spirit!  Although I don't miss my younger years much, I do miss the spare time that we all had and how we spent so much of it together.  See you soon ladies!!

March 3....The Best Day In 1997!

Addison Jo Payne, my first born, the one who introduced me to parenthood turned 16 on March 3, 2013!  Time flies!  I can't believe this little bundle of joy can now drive me around town.  Addi is such a gift to so many.  She has a wonderfully generous heart and such a kind spirit.  She is funny and light hearted and laid back.  When I look at her face, I can't help but think...'she is gorgeous'!  Yes she is a beauty to the eye, but it's her inner beauty that radiates through!  I have people tell me what a good job we've done raising her, but honestly a lot of it is just her and God working through her.  One day right before her birthday, NPayne looked at me and said...."I understand what you've been saying."  I was puzzled, and then he said..."About time flying, this birthday is a hard one for me."  When I told Addi what her daddy said and how he was thinking she would never want to be home now that she can drive, she said "I like being home."  She is a wonderful sister who enjoys her family and being together.  Her heart is big, and her soul is deep; and she is adored.  I adore you Addi!  We adore you Addi!  Many adore you Addi!  Keep shining!  God is pleased!

Change

A lot has changed over the last week!  A piece of me is gone.  Relationships are dissolving, and trust has been broken.  It's been a hard week, but I am remaining faithful that good will come; and I have seen glimpses of that already.  A lot will be changing in the future. Although decisions have been made, even ones I didn't want to make, it is finished.  There is much uncertainty in many big things, but for me......there is no uncertainty.  I know which way to go.  Truth will be revealed, if not here, then there. People that I love have been hurt.  People that I love have hurt me.  Tough choices remain for many close to me, but for me; they are made.  Forgiveness will be given, though not quite yet, but forgetting will never come.  Forgiving is the easy part...for they know not what they do....it's the forgetting that's difficult....for they know exactly what they do.  Instead of moving forward, I am choosing to move on!  God will be with me either way, but I believe onward is the best choice!  The opportunities are endless, and a new chapter has begun!