Monday, May 2, 2011

Confirmation For Cal....Reality For Me!

Today was a hard day....a really hard day. Actually this whole weekend was hard. Today was one of those days when having a special needs child and the reality of that....not that I haven't known it for almost 9 years now....slaps you in the face. Today was confirmation Sunday....a day that had been uncertain for NPayne and myself in the beginning. We weren't sure about having Cal go through confirmation, because we didn't think he would understand it. But then, my kindred spirit and dear friend, Joan advised me in the following way....she said words similar to these: it's not up to us to decide what our special needs children understand about Christ, that is between him and Christ. So we decided to move forward with confirmation. All week, NPayne and I prepped Cal for this Sunday....."We will be going to church at 11:15, not at our usual 9:00! You will walk up to the front with mom and dad while they pray over you! It will only be for a few minutes! Jesus loves you! Sunday School first, then church!" We were feeling fairly confident this morning until.....11:00....and then we knew it wasn't going to happen. The prepping had gone awry, and Cal was in meltdown mode. As hard as it was for me to realize that he wasn't going to be able to pull himself together to go up was that much more hard for NPayne. He was fairly convinced that Cal would do it, and he didn't. I left Cal sitting in the car with Drew while NPayne was getting ready to take them and Elli home, and I went to church with Addi and Bryna. We had several close friends' children who were also being confirmed, so we wanted to support them. After the children's message, I noticed my Elli running back down the aisle towards the exit of the sanctuary; and I turned to see NPayne standing in the back with Drew, Elli, and CALLAHAN! I couldn't believe he was standing in the church....when I left him sitting in the car, he was in complete meltdown mode. I couldn't believe NPayne had convinced him to come inside, but there he was. He didn't go up and take place in confirmation, but he did regroup and come inside to watch his friends. Although my heart was sad, I realized that it's the little victories we have to celebrate....not that I didn't already know this. But as I said, sometimes the reality of having a special needs child slaps you in the face.


Jen said...

Yes, I know what you mean. I don't think about the uniqueness of our family on a daily basis, but then there are those moments where it's like you said, a slap in the face. Kind of like our recent travels. :)
I'm glad to hear he was able to come back into the church.

Marsha said...

What a sweet sweet boy...and what a good mom you are!!!