Thursday, August 18, 2011


I have been discontent. I'm not sure why, because my life is full and happy. But still I remain discontent. I have felt this way for a very long least a year or so. Please don't confuse discontent with being ungrateful, because that I am not....ungrateful that is. I am so very grateful for so many things....big, small, simple, complex....I am grateful. Praise God! I'm just not content. I've struggled with it and tried to figure out what to do with this looming feeling....move, change jobs, etc. I really had no idea what to do about this feeling, and then I realized.....TODAY....while sitting at my desk....I realized that I don't think I'm discontent as much as I am restless. This struck me as odd, because I am not a fan of being busy; so being "restless" seems contradictory. As I sat there, putting together a bulletin board for the school where I work, I kept wondering why I was so discontent. The more I thought about it and what that meant, the more I realized I am not discontent but restless. How could that be? When I thought about what restless means, I kept thinking of not being able to sit still....and that is definitely not me. I can sit still all day long and be completely happy! ;)
I looked it up, and these were the descriptive definitions I found:
restless (ˈrɛstlɪs) [Click for IPA pronunciation guide]
1.unable to stay still or quiet
2.ceaselessly active or moving: the restless wind
3.worried; anxious; uneasy
4.not restful; without repose: a restless night

Really the only that could apply to me would be #3...worried, anxious; uneasy; because yes I am a self admitted worrier. But I am not a person who likes to be on the go or busy, so how could this feeling be what I've been feeling for so long. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am restless with my time. I haven't been able to spend the time I want to spend in the way I want to spend it and in turn, I have become quite restless. I need to be more conscious of managing my time and the way I spend it. I need to consult GOD instead of needing to be in complete control of my day, but what I really need to do is to listen....and spend it the way He tells me to. I think that's why I've been so restless, because He has been laying so many things on my heart; and I have not had "the time" to carry them out in the way that I would like to. I really need to continue to consult Him and let Him control my time. Praying I can do so!

No comments: