Wednesday, August 3, 2011


Today was one of those days that didn't work out the way it was suppose to...we were suppose to go visit some friends that live a few hours away....but the mama got really sick. Although we didn't get to go and we were disappointed, it's sort of nice for me to just be able to sit here, collect my thoughts and emotions, and write. I've decided that I'm ADD....I can't decide what I want to be when I grow up....a teacher, a writer, a photographer; so I guess I'll just be all 3! :) I haven't been able to sit down and write for a while, so this little break in time is providing me that opportunity. While my little girls are upstairs playing school with their new Dry Erase Crayons....those are so cool, get some if you haven't....sorry I digress; and my boy is upstairs playing with his new Harvey train....I decided to peruse a few blogs that I haven't had time to read lately. I read Angie Smith's blog and noticed that someone had commented under a comment I had made. I decided to re-read my comment, since it was made a few weeks ago and remind myself of what I had written. As I began to read it, I remembered what I was feeling that day when I read her post; and I began to cry. Angie has such a wonderful way with words and making you feel like you're in the moment. She wrote a post a few weeks ago about a boy with special needs playing baseball, and it struck pun intended. As I read that post, I could envision my boy playing ball in the front yard. It's become an obsession with him lately....a good one though...and I could hear God speaking to me through her words. After I read my comment and the other (very kind) comment left for me, through my tears I decided to browse through some photos I have of my boy.....since I was all wrapped up in the moment. I came across a few of him on our beach vacation....the place he loves more than any other....and then I came across these! When I saw them, again I wept.....these were those kind of tears that are completely know the ugly cry complete with snorting and the red face. The kind of crying that my kids are use to seeing me do, but still alarms them from time to time. They know I'm a cry baby. I am such a sap and so completely overwhelmed by emotions, and once again the love and thankfulness I have for my children completely engulfed me; and I sat and sobbed. Tears of true thanksgiving and that real realization of how much God loves me became so apparent when the love I have for my children engulfed me enough to move me to tears. When you see these photos, you will see that they are not those kind of photos that take your breath away; but they did indeed take mine away. It was a gentle reminder of how so very blessed I am to have been given the role of mother to these children and how so very blessed they are by each other. Having a special needs child can be so difficult at times, but it can be so rewarding as well. My girls know having a special needs brother can be so difficult at times, but it can also be so rewarding. Drew is really starting to realize that. Bryna and Elli are still trying to figure that out, but sweet first born has always known this. Maybe it's because she was born before him, maybe it's because she has always had an acute awareness for Cal and has always been his rock when NPayne and I were not there, maybe it's because she is so very laid back, maybe it's because she is such a giving person, maybe it's because she knows that Jesus loves Cal as much as He loves everyone else, maybe it's because she has such a heart for love, maybe it's because sometimes I see Christ in her eyes more than anyone else's, maybe it's because she's so much like her daddy, maybe it's because she is a true servant, maybe it's because she sees Cal through the eyes of a child, maybe it's a combination of all of these things. One thing I know for sure is this....there are times when I get frustrated and irritated and yes....I hate to admit it....but sometimes even embarassed by something Cal does or does not do; but Addi does not. She has always been accomodating and embraced him fully. She has always included him, loved him, and been proud of him. Although Cal gets rattled by uncertainty, he is quite certain that he can count on his sister. He trusts her. Cal has been so blessed to have such wonderful sisters, and they are blessed to have him....although they may not all realize that quite yet....Addi does and always has. God knew exactly what He was doing when He chose Addi for Cal's big sister.....which doesn't surprise me at all! She is going to be such a good mommy!

This is a photo that Addi took.
The caption under it read....I LOVE MY BROTHER!


1 comment:

Marsha said...

I love Addi! (and I don't even know her) And I love your honesty. Such a good mommy to all of your babies!