A Boy Named Josh Changed Me!

There is something that I'm pretty good at, but it took one sad show to make me good at it.  I'm not saying I get it right 100% of the time, but I get it right 90%; and I owe it to Josh and his mother.  What is it?  It's this.... stopping what I'm doing....when I don't want to or have time to or am too tired to....to "play" with my kids.  As you read on, hopefully it will become more clear.  When my oldest was a toddler, my second was a baby, and I was expecting my third; I watched this show called "Vanished".  If you know me.... you know I love who done its, mysteries, crime scenes, etc.  I LOVE trying to solve it.  I am fascinated by DNA, cold cases, forensics.  I easily could have been a forensic scientist except that I don't care for blood and guts, so that was kind of a problem; but I digress.  You will also know that I don't watch the news of read the paper and haven't since the Oklahoma City Bombing....except a few times around 9/11.  I simply C.A.N.N.O.T. handle it.  I can't.  After the Oklahoma City Bombing, I became consumed by the whole thing and fought depression.  It wasn't the first time I had faced evil in my own personal life or the life of someone I know, but for some reason; it consumed my every thought.  I will watch fictional/nonfictional crime scene shows, 48 hours, Dateline, etc.; but I can tell from the start of the show if it is one that I can hang with or not.  If not, I turn it off immediately.  Anyway I watched this show called "Vanished", and I have never forgotten it. As a mother, it changed me.  This show is a documentary featuring interviews of people who have had loved ones disappear.  In this particular episode there were 3 boys who walked to a local store to rent a movie, 2 brothers and a friend.  I remember the basic parts of the story...they lived in a small rural town where everyone knew each other, one of the brothers' names was Josh, and the mother of the brothers is who I remember being interviewed.  The brothers' parents were at a neighbor's house, and the boys had called to ask about walking to rent the movie.  The parents decided it would be okay, because it was a "safe" town they lived in.  On the way to the store, the boys were ambushed and assaulted.  I can't remember if Josh was the only boy taken or if Josh and the friend were taken, but I do remember that Josh's brother was left behind which is how anyone knew what had happened.  In the end, it was not a happy outcome.  Josh was murdered, and it was one of the most heartbreaking things I had ever watched; and I've watched a lot of crimes on TV.  I can't remember anyone else's name and a little of what the mother looked like, but I can remember most everything she said;  it changed me.  Of course she was petrified when he went missing and devastated by what happened to her boy, but what she said at the end of the show....I have never forgotten.  She was talking about the day he vanished, and how he had asked her to play a game with him; and she told him she didn't have time.   She then bowed her head and wept and said, "I wish I had played that game with him."  Even now as I think about it and remember the total despair in her face, I have this pit in my stomach.  From that moment on, I knew that there had been and would be many many many times when I am...too tired....or ...too busy...or...just don't want to....play that game or watch that skit or read that book or paint those toenails; but I remember Josh and his mother....and I am thankful that I get another chance.