Easily Overwhelmed

What DOES NOT Belong:

laid back

easy going

flexible

happy

go with the flow

calm

EASILY OVERWHELMED

I'll give you a hint, it's the one in all uppercase letters. Those are all things that I, or about anyone who knows me, would use to describe me....except the last one. Most people would never know that I am easily overwhelmed....well actually...yes they would, because I don't necessarily mean OVERWHELMED in a negative sense here; although that occurs in my life as well. In this case, EASILY OVERWHELMED, refers to emotion. I find myself in the midst of tears often....sometimes good and sometimes not....but my emotions are easily stirred. Lately I've been easily overwhelmed with many emotions: joy, guilt, love, grief, gratefulness, worry....just to name a few.

At the beach, I found myself completely overwhelmed with love and gratefulness.

Seeing baby Maggie, one year after she joined my dear friends' family, I find myself completely overwhelmed with joy and gratefulness.

Taking a new job, I find myself overwhelmed with guilt and gratefulness.

Sending my oldest to high school, I find myself overwhelmed with worry and gratefulness.

Greeting our new pastor each week, I find myself overwhelmed with grief and gratefulness.

Listening to my pastor, Cindy's sermon on feeding the hungry, I found myself overwhelmed with all of those emotions.

I notice the common emotion here is gratefulness. NPayne always says, "There is always someone who is experiencing something worse than we are! We need to look at what we have to be grateful for."

Many years ago, when my Drew who is now 10, was very little....3 or so...she was getting up every night. Now if you know me, you know that SLEEP is my #1 survival priority. I love and require lots of sleep! ;) Well she was getting up, and she would be crying and upset; and it would take a long time to settle her down and get her back in bed. Honestly I rarely get up if one of our children get up, NPayne almost always does. If he gets up, he settles them in and goes right back to sleep. If I get up, I settle them in (maybe not as friendly as he does), and am awake for hours....maybe even the rest of the night. We are so fortunate that our kids....all 5 of them....have and are good sleepers and easy to put to bed. However there have been moments, when one of them watched something that spooked them; or they had a nightmare, or something of those sorts....and they get up. When Drew was going through this phase, Neil had gotten up a few nights; and then he was just becoming exhausted....because it was not a quick settling in for her. So I started getting up with her. I remember the first few night of being calm and patient and loving, but soon thereafter I started to become impatient and irritated.....which really doesn't help a frightened child in the middle of the night! On about the 4th day, I made a conscious effort....a decision....that I would not become irratated and impatient. I made a decision, that truly changed my life that day, I decided that I would hold that little girl as long as I needed to and cuddle her and love her and appreciate the fact that I had her and be GRATEFUL for her; because some day she won't be getting me up (which is a good thing...honestly I do know that)....but some day she will be a pre-teen, then a teen, then a young adult, then an adult, then gone from my house. I decided that day that I would treasure those quiet moments with one of the most wonderful blessings God had given me, and that's what I did. I held her endlessly and smelled her head and caressed her back and let her little tiny hands caress mine, and I was overwhelmed by love, joy, and gratitude. And honestly when she was finally sleeping through the night again, I was a little sad that we weren't having those times....in the middle of the night....together anymore. Now don't get me wrong, I was so grateful for sleep again; but I really learned how to look at being grateful over being inconvenienced. Since then, I really approach most everything with a grateful spirit. Of course there are times when I get irritated and impatient, but they are usually short lived when I take the time and make the decision to realize all I have to be grateful for. Sometimes I do have to stop and re-evaluate and remind myself.....I am grateful because? It usually doesn't take but a second to see what I have to be grateful for. God is such a loving God....He wants us to be happy....He wants us to have all we need, but He also wants us to appreciate what we have....to be grateful for what we have.....to thank Him for what we have.....to use what we have....to help others with what we have.... My pastor, Ken, taught me the part about using what we have to help others; and I am so GRATEFUL he did!

TWINS

So I've been helping one of my close friends prepare her nursery for the arrival of her twin boys...YEA! These two will be her 4th and 5th, and YES THEY ARE ALL BOYS!!!! FIVE BOYS!!! Believe me, I love girls....hello....I have four of them, and of course I love my boy; but I really really really wanted my friend's twins to be boys. She may have wanted to toss a girl in the mix somewhere, since she already had 3 boys; but I am living vicariously through her. Remember I have twin envy. Now I'm not necessarily saying I would have wanted twin boys, but I will have to admit that I am quirky about how I would have ordered my twins....had I been able to do that. I always, always, always wanted twins....even when I was pregnant for the fifth time. I would have been thrilled to have had twins. You might think that's the quirky part, because it seems that most people would not choose to have twins....not sure why that is...but oh well. The quirky part about my wishful twins is this....I always wanted to have same sex twins (2 girls or 2 boys), so yes I'm living vicariously through my friend; because she is having same sex twins....BOYS! Now you might wonder why I wanted her to have boy twins, since she already has 3 boys and no girls. Well that sort of answers itself, because if you met her boys...good grief...you would know why. They are about the most gorgeous, sweet little men ever. Now of course they have their moments....as all children/boys do....but I just can't imagine her not having more of those wonderful little creatures. I mean, you know what they say, if it ain't broke; don't fix it. Now I she just has to name them. Twin boys coming soon and oh the photos I will take. This is a photo from last summer of the boys and their daddy!

Beach Pictures

The last day we were at the beach, I noticed Elliot working hard on something in the sand. I walked over and was so surprised to see what she had created.....our family! She drew hearts between each person's face. Ahhhhh....the love! Pretty stinkin' good for a 4 year old!

NPayne aka Dad....complete with his soul patch! Yes that

long piece hanging from his chin is, in fact, his soul patch!

She's brilliant!

This is her self portrait!

Big sis....Addi aka Sissy!

Big Sister Bryna

Big Sister Drew

Then there's ME aka Mom!

Last but not least....Big Brother Cal!

Then there's our family portrait....created by several Paynes! Lotta hair in this family!

We're Back!

There's my babies....all five of them enjoying the ocean. I love the ocean....it's such a calming place for me. It makes me very happy to be there. Every year, I say...."We need to stay longer next time." I hope we carry through with that next year.

I'm back to my "normal" life, and I'm already feeling a little overwhelmed by all there is to do before school starts. I have a new job....a little overwhelming, since I haven't worked "full time" in 12 + years. I am shooting a wedding in two weeks....a little overwhelming, just thinking about the time it takes to edit those thousands of photos. I have a long long long list of things "To Do" before my kids start school....always overwhelming, since I don't have much time or much money. I have to secure a lot of babysitting for my kids over the next few weeks for my new job....a little overwhelming, since my boy doesn't just let anyone sit with him; and I can't really afford the amount of babysitting I am going to need. I have to take care of my mom's needs and would like to actually visit with her from time to time....a little overwhelming, because I'm currently swamped. Addi is starting high school.....a lot overwhelming, because....well my first born will be in high school....SIGH. I looked at her band schedule and from August 1-Christmas....it doesn't look like she has a free Friday or Saturday plus I received the invoice for all of her band "stuff"....HELP ME HENRY! One thing I know....I know for certain is this....The Holy Spirit will be my calming peace through all of this overwhelming stuff!

"Stop worrying long enough to hear My voice. I speak softly to you, in the depths of your being. Your mind shuttles back and forth, hither and yon, weaving webs of anxious confusion. As My thoughts rise up within you, they become entangled in those sticky webs of worry. Thus, My voice is muffled, and you hear only "white noise." Ask My Spirit to quiet your mind so that you can think My thoughts. This ability is an awesome benefit of being My child, patterned after My own image. Do not be deafened by the noise of the world or that of your own thinking. Instead, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Sit quietly in My Presences, letting My thoughts reprogram your thinking."

Sarah Young....."Jesus Calling"!

Deuteronomy 30:20, Genesis 1:27, Romans 12:2

The Beach

We are on vacation....woohoo!!! I am loving the beach, the wondrous beauty of the ocean, the amazement and pure awe of what God has created. I am loving the peace and calm He provides through it. I am loving how much my kids are loving. I am loving how much my boy is loving it. I am loving the time just the seven of us are spending together....eating together, talking together, dancing.....a lot of dancing.....together. I am loving sitting on the balcony reading my book. I am loving sleeping with my two youngest, singing "Skinnamarink" to them while I tickle their arms. I am loving touching foreheads with Elli while she sucks her thumb, and I say a goodnight prayer over her in our big comfy bed. I am loving waking up in the middle of the night with both girls snuggled so close to me, that I can barely move. I am loving staring at those peaceful sleeping faces each morning waiting for them to wake up. I will never forget these times. Addi is making a movie of our trip, and I am loving hearing their sweet little voices everytime she plays back a particular part of the movie. I am loving every single minute....just in case you hadn't figured that out. Thanks be to God for these cherished moments of heaven on earth.

VACATION

We are heading out tomorrow. Loading up, driving a long way, eating in the car, only stopping for emergencies, and then we will arrive.....

....at our dream destination!

We can't wait to get there! We got our house covered, our pets covered, our mail covered, everything covered; so we are outta here. Check back with you in a week or so!

VBS 2011

VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL HAS COME AND GONE, and it was GREAT!

All 5 of my children had a great week, and for that I am so thankful. Having Cal go to VBS has always been a challenge. Now that he is almost in 7th grade, he doesn't really "go to" VBS. It's designed for children through 5th grade. So for the last several years, Cal has had a youth helper. He should be a youth helper, but since he has not been a fan of VBS and all the chaos fun that it brings; he has not been much of a helper. His youth helper just sort of hangs out with him, plays with him, chases him around, encourages him to try some of the VBS stations, and basically just spoils him rotten.....and I LOVE IT....and do does he! He was so excited to go to VBS this week and play with Ms. Ashley, his youth helper, and every day he got up with a big smile on his face. Ms. Ashley has been his youth helper for the last several years, and she's headed to college in the fall. What will I Cal do without her next summer? I had a great week at VBS as well....leading a 3rd grade class from station to station and sharing the love of Christ with them was amazing....AMAZING! Seeing and listening to all that my children learned was amazing. Seeing my boy so happy.....the best part. Cal attending VBS happily every day....may seem to be a simple triumph for most, but for Cal.....it's a huge triumph! God is so good!

If This Doesn't Make Your Day....You've Got Issues!

So I went to take photos of Maggie for her first birthday, and Elliot asked if she could go too. She adores Maggie, so I said "Of course!" She wanted to sneak into a few of the photos, so once again I said "Of course!" And boy am I glad that she did! They are so stinkin' sweet, I could eat them with a spoon!

This is my favorite! They were both belly laughing, and it was priceless!

Did You Know?

Did you know that worrying means you have a lack of faith? Did you know that asking God to forgive you over and over for the same thing can be seen as a mockery of the sacrifice that was made? Did you know that God sees gossip the same as adultery? Did you know that God absolutely adores you, and that person that cut you off in traffic, and that drunk driver who took the life of your loved one in the same way? These are things I've learned over the last several years. These are things that I struggled with, but they are things I know are true. How do I know....The Bible tells me so!

Matthew 6:30

And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

Why then do we worry? He will care for you! It may not be in the way you ask or in the time that you ask, but He will care for you! He sent His son to die for us!

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

It doesn't say, He might forgive you....it says He will; so why do we need to keep asking over and over again if we are truly asking for forgiveness the first time?

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, ¹⁰ or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.

Sin is the separation from God....plain and simple....no matter what the sin is!

John 3:16

For God so loved the WORLD, that He gave his one and only son that whomever believe in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

He loved the WORLD....and all of inhabitants. He created us all in His image! We are all sinners and all do things that break His heart, but that doesn't mean that He doesn't love us. He loves us all....no matter what your sin!

Blessings

Last night I had the pleasure of having dinner with NPayne to celebrate our anniversary which was last week. I had plans to go over all the "To Do" things that I am wanting "To Do"! Once we got to the restaurant, we began casual conversation about just stuff. It was nice, because we rarely have time to just sit and talk; so we did. We talked a lot about the mission trip that he had just returned from. We talked a lot about some of the struggles I've been facing. We talked a lot about our finances. We talked a lot about our family. We talked a lot about blessings. We talked a lot about Ken, our beloved pastor, who suddenly and unexpectedly died in February. We talked a lot about GOD! I love to talk to my husband about GOD. He always helps me remember what I'm here for. NPayne has a servant's heart and mind. He grew up without a lot, but he knows that he was and is still rich....no matter what the financial situation....no matter what he has or doesn't. He knows that he's rich. I will admit that it's frustrating to me sometimes to not be able to do, repair, go, or buy some of the things I would really like to; but....I too know that I'm rich in blessings. Not in material things, although we do have lots of those too, but in relationships and experiences and life.....in blessings. I think I've written about blessings on my blog before, and what I think being blessed means. I know that having stuff is a gift and living in the country where freedom rings is a gift, but I don't think our things, our stuff, our material items are blessings. I think they are results of circumstances of where we are blessed to live, where we are blessed to work, etc. To me....being blessed....means so much more than having a nice house, 2 good cars, plenty of food, clothes, money, etc. To me....being blessed.....means having the opportunity to work hard, have many freedoms, a healthy life, but mainly being blessed means having relationships that grow you and nurture you....whether those be friends, family, church family or all of the above. I am very thankful for our stuff, but I know that I would be joyful in the Lord if I didn't have it as well. When someone says...."We are so blessed" and is pointing to their large house and car in the driveway....I can't help but think: I wonder how the poverty stricken people who live all over the world feel about that. Are they not blessed because they don't have those things? Honestly I think not....actually I know not. I know there are many people in our world, who don't have stuff, many who don't even have enough food, many who don't have their health; but they are still joyful in the Lord....so in my eyes....they are more blessed than many!