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It's Hot In Texas

I live in Texas....North Texas....and it's hot....and we need some rain. We've been teased the last two days, that maybe, just maybe it might rain....but it hasn't. My grass is yellow and completely dead, our flowers are dying (although we do water them a little), and I'm sure the foundation under our house is wondering...."What is going on? Why is it so stinkin' hot?" We are on water rationing, but we have chosen not to water our yard at all; and here is why!

1. NPayne is not a fan of yardwork, so he is not that concerned that our yard is dead.

2. Our outside faucet, the one and only in the front yard, has a horrible leak which would be a horrible waste of water.

3. Our sprinkler doesn't work.

4. There are farmers losing their crops due to lack of water....their livelihood.

5. There are farmers and ranchers losing their livestock due to lack of water....their livelihood and animals' lives.

6. The lakes are low which means our water supply is low which means I'm afraid there may come a day that we don't have any water.

7. Anytime I'm on the highway, which isn't often, I see those big signs that say...."We are in a severe drought!" It sorta makes me feel guilty about wishing I was watering my grass.

So what I'm saying is this....it stinks that our grass is dead and our flowers are dying and our house is going to end up with a thousand new cracks in the walls whenever the rain does wet our foundation again, BUT...having a nice green yard, and beautifully blooming flowers and a nice moist foundation is not worth people losing their crops, their cattle, doing without water all together! So we made a conscious choice, and we hope it helps someone somewhere!

OXYMORON

I've discovered, or maybe I have known, that I am sort of an oxymoron about many things.

I'm an amateur expert at photography.

I have anticipated serendipity.

I often agree to disagree.

I am awfully nice.

I often feel alone in a crowd.

I find that I am almost done with many things but still have lots to do.

I am an advanced beginner at....well....you name it, many things.

I have been experiencing good grief lately.

I'm a harmless sinner.

I find myself fighting for peace in my household (from time to time).

My favorite so far is that I am waiting patiently....for some things to change....and am realizing that they may not....and that I will have to find my perfect peace where I know I should look but continue to not look, because it may be more work than I anticipated to be content.

I hope you understood that organized confusion!

PHOTOS

Brother and sister....aren't they sweet?

More to come.....later!

Good Grief

I'm going to be really completely totally honest here. I, Lorie Payne, have not been excited about going to church much lately. Me....the person who never misses, who looks forward to Sunday mornings more than any other morning of the week, who gets refilled and replenished for the week at church.....yes Me, Lorie Payne, has not been excited about going to church. Once I drag myself there, I am getting refueled and enjoying the sermon; but there is something missing. Our new pastor is really great. He is funny, a great speaker, and so far pretty in tune to my personal beliefs; but I still have no connection with him. I've chatted with him briefly, waved hello, etc.; but I have yet to have a meaningful conversation with him. I go to church and listen attentively and am so very grateful that I am really getting a lot from his messages....because I was fearful that I wouldn't....but I still find that something is missing. I have contemplated setting aside a time just to go in and talk to him, share some of myself with him, and hopefully learn more about him; but I haven't done it. I am just not ready to be so emotionally vulnerable to this person yet. I realize it has not even been 6 months since my pastor, Ken, died so suddenly and unexpectedly; and I know that these feelings are all part of the grieving process. Please don't misunderstand....I am thrilled to have been given John as our new pastor....he is, as I said, really great; but I just miss Ken....plain and simple. Ken was and is such a huge part of my day, my week, my month, my life. God taught me so much through Ken, and I have to admit that I still feel so sad without him. I still find myself crying at the mention of his name, while reading certain things, or sharing a meal with his bride. I still find myself crying when I see his mother go up for communion, and hear about his grandson pointing to his picture and saying "Papa". I know God is walking with me, with all of us who grieve the loss of our pastor, I know He is. I know He is continuing to do great things in our church and in our lives, I know He is. I know Ken would want us to continue and move on, I know he would. I know I will, I know we will. Finally today was the first sign of that for me....it was the first Sunday that I didn't cry in church....even when I let my mind wander a little to something that Ken had said or done in the past or imagined him standing at the pulpit....I didn't cry. I know that we will heal and that God will see me and all of us through this time. We will carry on.....in Ken's memory, through what God taught us through him, through what God will teach us through John....we will carry on. We will be sure footed in His abounding love.

Psalm 18:33-36

He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he causes me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You make your saving help my shield,
and your right hand sustains me;
your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet,
so that my ankles do not give way.

Habakuk 3:17-19

Though the cherry trees don't blossom
and the strawberries don't ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten
and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless
and the cattle barns empty,
I'm singing joyful praise to God.
I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on God's Rule to prevail,
I take heart and gain strength.
I run like a deer.
I feel like I'm king of the mountain!

SISTERLY LOVE!

Today was one of those days that didn't work out the way it was suppose to...we were suppose to go visit some friends that live a few hours away....but the mama got really sick. Although we didn't get to go and we were disappointed, it's sort of nice for me to just be able to sit here, collect my thoughts and emotions, and write. I've decided that I'm ADD....I can't decide what I want to be when I grow up....a teacher, a writer, a photographer; so I guess I'll just be all 3! :) I haven't been able to sit down and write for a while, so this little break in time is providing me that opportunity. While my little girls are upstairs playing school with their new Dry Erase Crayons....those are so cool, get some if you haven't....sorry I digress; and my boy is upstairs playing with his new Harvey train....I decided to peruse a few blogs that I haven't had time to read lately. I read Angie Smith's blog and noticed that someone had commented under a comment I had made. I decided to re-read my comment, since it was made a few weeks ago and remind myself of what I had written. As I began to read it, I remembered what I was feeling that day when I read her post; and I began to cry. Angie has such a wonderful way with words and making you feel like you're in the moment. She wrote a post a few weeks ago about a boy with special needs playing baseball, and it struck home....no pun intended. As I read that post, I could envision my boy playing ball in the front yard. It's become an obsession with him lately....a good one though...and I could hear God speaking to me through her words. After I read my comment and the other (very kind) comment left for me, through my tears I decided to browse through some photos I have of my boy.....since I was all wrapped up in the moment. I came across a few of him on our beach vacation....the place he loves more than any other....and then I came across these! When I saw them, again I wept.....these were those kind of tears that are completely uncontrollable....you know the ugly cry complete with snorting and the red face. The kind of crying that my kids are use to seeing me do, but still alarms them from time to time. They know I'm a cry baby. I am such a sap and so completely overwhelmed by emotions, and once again the love and thankfulness I have for my children completely engulfed me; and I sat and sobbed. Tears of true thanksgiving and that real realization of how much God loves me became so apparent when the love I have for my children engulfed me enough to move me to tears. When you see these photos, you will see that they are not those kind of photos that take your breath away; but they did indeed take mine away. It was a gentle reminder of how so very blessed I am to have been given the role of mother to these children and how so very blessed they are by each other. Having a special needs child can be so difficult at times, but it can be so rewarding as well. My girls know having a special needs brother can be so difficult at times, but it can also be so rewarding. Drew is really starting to realize that. Bryna and Elli are still trying to figure that out, but Addi....my sweet first born has always known this. Maybe it's because she was born before him, maybe it's because she has always had an acute awareness for Cal and has always been his rock when NPayne and I were not there, maybe it's because she is so very laid back, maybe it's because she is such a giving person, maybe it's because she knows that Jesus loves Cal as much as He loves everyone else, maybe it's because she has such a heart for love, maybe it's because sometimes I see Christ in her eyes more than anyone else's, maybe it's because she's so much like her daddy, maybe it's because she is a true servant, maybe it's because she sees Cal through the eyes of a child, maybe it's a combination of all of these things. One thing I know for sure is this....there are times when I get frustrated and irritated and yes....I hate to admit it....but sometimes even embarassed by something Cal does or does not do; but Addi does not. She has always been accomodating and embraced him fully. She has always included him, loved him, and been proud of him. Although Cal gets rattled by uncertainty, he is quite certain that he can count on his sister. He trusts her. Cal has been so blessed to have such wonderful sisters, and they are blessed to have him....although they may not all realize that quite yet....Addi does and always has. God knew exactly what He was doing when He chose Addi for Cal's big sister.....which doesn't surprise me at all! She is going to be such a good mommy!

This is a photo that Addi took.

The caption under it read....I LOVE MY BROTHER!

GOD IS GOOD!

SNEAK PEEK

Ain't Love Grand?

More To Come Soon!

I'm swamped with photos.....and that makes me very happy!

Photography

I shot a wedding last weekend and engagements yesterday. I cannot even begin to express how much I love photographing the true emotion of LOVE! I always get comments expressing how beautiful the photos are, or amazing they are, or fantastic they are; and not to toot my own horn....but they are. Some of that does take a good eye and some talent, but most of it is a result of the pure, raw emotion of being in LOVE! It's a beautiful thing, and a beautiful thing to capture. Wow....I am so blessed by God to be able to use this gift! It makes me smile A LOT!

By the way, I had a new "assistant" with me at the wedding last Saturday;

and he captured this photo of me. I did some kooky stuff to it, but overall I really liked it.

He is a talent in the making....and might I mention....he is really really cute!

I think photographing big events with him might become a new normal!

What can I say? I'll do whatever I can to get to spend time with him!

Guess who it is?

Middle Of The Road

I'm a middle of the road kinda gal about many things. Here are a few:

1. I'm not a summer or winter person but in the middle of the road.....75-80 temps.

2. I'm not a morning or a night person but in the middle of the road....9:30 or so to get up/11:00 or so to get to bed.

3. I'm not frou frou kinda gal but in the middle of the road....like fancy shoes but love flip flops too.

4. I'm not Type A or Type Z but in the middle of the road.....I like to plan, but I don't always carry out.

5. I'm not a neat freak but in the middle of the road....I like things to be tidy and orderly and clean, but many times they aren't.

6. I'm not addicted to technology but in the middle of the road....I could do without TV, but I really like my computer.

7. I'm not frivelous or a big spender but in the middle of the road....I don't believe in spending lots of money of stuff, but I sure am tempted.

8. I'm not a perfect person or a completely messed up person but in the middle of the road....I am riddled with sin and make bad choices and mistakes often, but I know I'm forgiven and try to do the right thing (most of the time).

Good thing God isn't the "Middle Of The Road Type".

PERFECT

They're here. The twins have arrived, and they are perfect. I can say PERFECT....even though they are in NICU with respiratory sickness, because God created them in His image; and He is PERFECT. They were born a little early which caused their lungs not to work just right YET, but they will soon enough; and then they will join their 3 brothers at home. They are PERFECT! I believe that I was born PERFECT as well. It wasn't God who made me UNPERFECT, it was my own free will and choices and sin. It was many things, but it wasn't Him! Pray for my sweet friends and their family and their PERFECT twin boys and for all of the other PERFECT NICU babies! :)