This morning, I painstakingly applied my waterproof mascara....got myself a large Starbucks....mainly for consolation...and headed to my son's 5th grade "Moving On" ceremony. When Elliot and I walked in, he was in the hallway crying. He didn't want to go in to the cafeteria, so I told him I would be inside and he could come in or not....either way was okay. Elli and I took our seats in the back, and I distracted myself by getting my camera out and ready....to take pictures of Cal and his friends. In walked Mrs. Marshall....she was Cal's early childhood teacher when he was 4 and his 4th grade teacher....and she loves him as if he was her own son. When she approached me and said something like....."I'm not going to sit by you today. I don't think that would be a good idea"....I knew she was right....it would have been waterworks the entire time. A few moments later, the principal...Ms. Taylor....stood up and gave her congratulatory speech. When she was talking about how these 5th graders were like family to each other, and how amazing it was to watch them care for each other....I began to sweat. Then it came....she said....When I was reading Cal's memory book, I read something, written by another student, that really stuck out to me....it said "knowing you has made me learn how to care for others". Then I could contain myself no longer, and I cried....okay I sobbed....but I did keep it fairly quiet. I was using one of the dozen napkins I had stuffed in my bag to wipe away my tears, when I noticed Elli looking at me....she said "I So Love You Mommy!".....just the message I needed at that moment, and I felt God's arms envelop me. At some point, during someone's speech, I noticed Cal walk in. His best buddy, Adam, tried to coerce him to sit next to him; but Cal refused. So he sat on the side with a few teachers. The awards began and I snapped pictures of Cal through the crowd of parents' heads. I gazed at him, and he at me. I saw him smiling and even clapping for his friends. Then it was his turn....when his 5th grade teacher (Ms. Custis) began telling the awards he received, I snapped a quick photo and then listened.....I can't remember word for word what she said....because I was focusing too hard on not falling to my knees and begging for mercy. I do remember watching Mrs. Brunson, his special ed. teacher, wipe away tears; and I do remember hearing Ms. Custis say these things....I'm paraphrasing here:
If you want to talk about love, Cal has brought that to Cannon....he has taught these children how to care for and love someone. He has been a wonderful special boy at Cannon, and we hate to see him go. They gave him the "Special Helper" award and a memory book (named after my blog) which I have barely even glanced at.....I'm going to need a box of tissue, a Bible, some migraine medication, and a lot of caffeine and maybe a shot of tequila (just kidding of course) to get through reading it. I sat back down and sobbed some more....go figure! Cal has made so much progress, and it is largely due to this school and the people in it. When you are a parent, there is a lot of uncertainty....especially as your children transition and grow up. When you are a parent of a special needs child....that uncertainty seems overwhelming at times it takes your breath away, and not knowing.....I mean really not having any idea....what to expect is horrifying to me. "FEAR NOT".....I'm trying! I have to "GIVE IT TO GOD", because the control is not mine! Cannon is a place where Cal has been accepted, treasured, comfortable, fit in, and mostly LOVED unconditionally. Leaving there makes me feel like I'm losing a piece of him, because those people and that place are such a HUGE part of his life and who he is! He's not just "moving on", but he's "leaving behind".....a legacy! I know that's a good thing, and I know they will always treasure having him there; so that needs to be my focus! I can never thank the staff and students.....EVER....for what they have meant to my son! When Cal started school at the ripe old age of 3, there were so many uncertainties and so many things I wondered if he would ever do. I am so thankful that he is now able to do them:
READ
USE A PUBLIC RESTROOM
GO TO SPECIALS and PARTICIPATE
BE MORE FLEXIBLE
LEARNED TO COMMUNICATE VERBALLY
RELY ON HIS PEERS
GO TO ASSEMBLIES
SHOW AFFECTION
WORK HARD ON HIS SCHOOL WORK
MAKE AND KEEP FRIENDSHIPS
EXPRESS HIS FEELINGS
I do remind myself, when I am feeling blue about Cal leaving Cannon, how grateful I am that my son has the capabilities to "MOVE ON". Yes my son has a special need, and yes his future is uncertain; but he is here....his diagnosis is not a fatal one....and for that I am so extremely grateful. His diagnosis is a lifelong one with many uncertainties and obstacles....but we are so grateful that he is here to leave a legacy and make an impact on others in such a positive way. NPayne and I can NEVER EVER EVER put into words how much we love and respect the staff at Cannon Elementary for accepting Cal and loving him, so I will offer a simple....THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts!
No comments:
Post a Comment