May 28....The Best Day of 1999!

Happy Birthday to my second born....my only son....my Lone Ranger....our prince! Happy Birthday to the child who has taught me more about life than I could have ever imagined....the child who does not know how to lie....the child who loves unconditionally....the child who doesn't hold a grudge. Happy Birthday to my very special boy....the boy who was created perfectly by God, and although he has special needs....I know he is perfect in God's eyes. Happy Birthday to the boy who loves mail boxes, trash trucks, trains, his sisters, his daddy, and me! Happy Birthday to the boy who is completely overjoyed by the simplest things in life....who can remember anything you have ever told him....who is neat and tidy....who rarely tells me he loves me but shows me with his expressions. Happy Birthday to the son I had always wanted!

I lavish you with love and adoration, and I thank God for trusting me to teach you about Him and care for you! I love you Callahan Leigh Payne. How have 12 years come and gone so fast?

SUMMER

Almost summer.....Yahoo!

Looking forward to:

swimming

sleeping in

no make up

having my littles home

sleeping in

getting organized what has been unorganized

BEACH

lots of reading

sleeping in

vacation

VBS

Mission Trip

church activities

less cooking and more grilling

sleeping in

spending lots of family time together

Not looking forward to:

100 + degree temps! UGH!

STORM

There's a storm going on....it's loud and complete with lightning and thunder....the rain is torrential....there is not a quiet moment....it gives me an uneasy feeling. I know it will end with a rainbow....and for that I am so thankful....since the storm is in my heart!

Eager Elliot The Pirate

Let me introduce you to Eager Elliot....the cutest pirate in the world. She is not only eager to learn and play, but she is also eager to teach and have fun. It was pirate week at her preschool, and she loved it. The only negative is that she may end up using the word "booty" a little too often and in many other ways than it is intended by pirates! ;)

So far though, she only said it once and then covered her mouth and giggled!

BEAUTIFUL

Beautiful luncheon...

Beautiful group of women that I work with...

Beautiful tree that was planted in honor of my sweet boss's retirement...

Beautiful committee of church members that made the luncheon so special...

Beautiful children that we teach and love...

Beautiful day...

BIG BUBBLE

I love this photo. Elliot's preschool teacher took it at school. Our preschool, where all 5 of my kids have gone and I have worked for the last 12 years, is spectacular. I just love it, and I just love Ms. Singleton! What a blessing to be part of such a wonderful school.

Here We Go Again

So I'm up at 3:30 am, because once again God is speaking to me. I love it when He speaks so clearly, and I guess I do my best listening in the middle of the night. I have been seeking His guidance and His will, and He has told me what to do. Being obedient can be very scary, but it's a good thing to know that you are doing what He tells you to do. I am praying about many things and am asking for Him, to once again, guide me and let me follow. Honestly I was hoping He would guide me a certain way and have tried to steer it that way, but so far; it seems like I'm going in the total opposite direction. Being obedient is hard. I would just ask for prayers that I am truly hearing Him and not my own broken heart or my own self doubt or my own pride, but that it is HIM that I hear. He has been speaking very clearly to me lately, so I am trying to wait patiently for His next move!

Deeper

We're getting in deeper here, and I'm not completely thrilled about it. I was feeling like I wanted to move a few months ago, then my beloved pastor died and that all changed. I felt like I needed my church family so much. Now that feeling is creeping back in, and I keep thinking about moving. My daughter will be starting high school next year, and she has auditioned and made varsity honors drumline....deeper. My kids are really attached to their children's pastor and youth pastor....deeper. Our church is like a second home....deeper. My children have some wonderful friends....deeper. NPayne and I don't have a job secured anywhere else (I don't have a job secured here, so that doesn't really count)....deeper. I am feeling smothered here, and I keep thinking I want to dig myself out and move on; but I have to remember that I have a family who are very happy here. Being content is up to the individual...you choose not to be content, so I am going to try to choose TO BE content! Pray that I will!

Happy Mother's Day!

It's one of my favorite weekends of the year....MOTHER'S DAY! I am so extremely blessed to be a mother. And my heart breaks for those who so desire to be blessed in this way but have not been. Being a mother is the absolute best job I have ever and will ever have. I could never really put into words what it means to me, or what the best part about motherhood is; but I'm going to try:

Nuzzling a baby in the dark quiet middle of the night when they are scared, hungry, or sick. This time is short, so treasure it while you can.

Cuddling up in my bed every single night to hold hands, talk, and just be together before they all scurry off to their own beds.

Being loved completely and unconditionally.

Loving completely and unconditionally.

Being considered the most amazing woman they know.

Funny phrases they say.

The never ending need to be tucked in.

Singing them songs at night and their own personal bedtime prayer.

Listening to them read to me and reading to them.

Chunky rolls so sweet you could eat them with a spoon.

Baby hands and feet.

The smell of a baby.

Watching them go from diapers to drumline to driving.

Laughing at their jokes, and them laughing at mine!

Teaching them and watching them grow in Christ.

The big decisions they have to make.

Making mistakes and resolving them in a godly way.

Asking those thought provoking questions that only a child will ask.

Constant kisses and hugs.

Sitting in my lap even when they are too big to fit.

The longing desire to always have more babies.

The wonderful joyful smile that I'm greeted with every day when they climb into my car after school.

Listening to them pray.

Never ending stories.

Seeing the excitement the first time they accomplish something big.

The "I LOVE YOU MOMMY"s that I hear frequently.

Those eyes....those soulful, trusting eyes.

The feel of my heart beating so fast when I can't get home quick enough to see them.

The love they have for each other.

Their wonderful daddy!

The way they forgive me instantly and don't ever hold a grudge.

That overwhelming feeling I often get when I look around and think....God has trusted me with these 5 precious children of His!

In my wildest dreams, I never knew how much my mother loved me....until I became a mother.

Happy Mother's Day to My Mama and all the other mamas out there!

The Calling

My confidence has been shot, my feelings hurt, my pride stepped on; and yet I choose to remain positive. I choose to remain supportive. I choose to remain encouraged. I choose to remain hopeful. I choose to do what Jesus would do....LOVE! Even when you listen and you know you are being called, and yet the outcome is not what you think it should be....you must stay strong in your faith and be excited....not fearful. You must know that although you believe the calling to be just, people make mistakes. Although you hear "NO", the answer might be "NOT YET"! Sometimes I think you are so vehemently called in a clear path, a clear direction, and you follow it even if you are scared. When it doesn't go the way you thought it would, you might start to doubt that you were hearing Him correctly....when in fact I think you recognized the calling and were obedient but sometimes God can change His mind and shut the door for your own protection or for a bigger calling. I am trusting this to be true and am praying that my ear will not be cut off to hearing what He has in store. Now I just need to listen and decipher what He is telling me to do....and remember it's not about what I want but about what He wants me to do. It's about serving in His name....that I know I am called to do and that I know He will not change His mind about! Thank you My Sweet Savior for speaking so clearly to me. I know you delight in me whether I am not confident or confident, strong or weak, fearful or excited, prideful or humble!

Look not to your own interests but to the interests of others. Phillipians 2:4

If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Phillipians 2:1-4 The Message

A New Adventure

A new adventure is in my future....I don't know exactly what that is....but I know it's coming. My wonderful boss is retiring, and there are many changes in the fabulous preschool that I've been teaching at for the past 11 years. Change is hard....always....change is hard, but sometimes it's something you're faced with; and you have to embrace it. The future is uncertain, and some are nervous; but I know that God is in this place! And with God....all things IMPOSSIBLE become POSSIBLE if we allow Him to lead us. I pray that all the staff will allow Him to lead them and embrace the change!

Confirmation For Cal....Reality For Me!

Today was a hard day....a really hard day. Actually this whole weekend was hard. Today was one of those days when having a special needs child and the reality of that....not that I haven't known it for almost 9 years now....slaps you in the face. Today was confirmation Sunday....a day that had been uncertain for NPayne and myself in the beginning. We weren't sure about having Cal go through confirmation, because we didn't think he would understand it. But then, my kindred spirit and dear friend, Joan advised me in the following way....she said words similar to these: it's not up to us to decide what our special needs children understand about Christ, that is between him and Christ. So true....so true...so we decided to move forward with confirmation. All week, NPayne and I prepped Cal for this Sunday....."We will be going to church at 11:15, not at our usual 9:00! You will walk up to the front with mom and dad while they pray over you! It will only be for a few minutes! Jesus loves you! Sunday School first, then church!" We were feeling fairly confident this morning until.....11:00....and then we knew it wasn't going to happen. The prepping had gone awry, and Cal was in meltdown mode. As hard as it was for me to realize that he wasn't going to be able to pull himself together to go up front....it was that much more hard for NPayne. He was fairly convinced that Cal would do it, and he didn't. I left Cal sitting in the car with Drew while NPayne was getting ready to take them and Elli home, and I went to church with Addi and Bryna. We had several close friends' children who were also being confirmed, so we wanted to support them. After the children's message, I noticed my Elli running back down the aisle towards the exit of the sanctuary; and I turned to see NPayne standing in the back with Drew, Elli, and CALLAHAN! I couldn't believe he was standing in the church....when I left him sitting in the car, he was in complete meltdown mode. I couldn't believe NPayne had convinced him to come inside, but there he was. He didn't go up and take place in confirmation, but he did regroup and come inside to watch his friends. Although my heart was sad, I realized that it's the little victories we have to celebrate....not that I didn't already know this. But as I said, sometimes the reality of having a special needs child slaps you in the face.

SUMMER

As the end of school is quickly upon us, I am realizing something....THE END OF SCHOOL IS QUICKLY UPON US!

Now most of you know, I LOVE summer....not the Texas heat....but the laziness, the sleeping in, VBS, vacation, but mostly just having my babes at home with me! I LOVE IT!

As I sat at the dinner table with my family tonight....we discussed mission trips, and it made my heart ache in a good way when NPayne told my mini me (Drew) that he would go on her first one with her, then I could go; because Addi would be old enough to stay home all week with her other 3 siblings by the time Drew was in 7th grade. My heart was happy to see how excited Drew was about going on mission trip in the next few years, and my heart was sad when I realized it's only one more year and my mini me will be old enough to go! My heart skipped a beat when I was reminded that my oldest would be driving! Help Me Henry....I'm ready for some time with my babes....come on summer! Get here quick and take your time leaving!