Sunday, August 24, 2014

Just Like That....They're Off!

And just like that....they're off to another school year.  Summer has come to an end, and it is bittersweet.  Remind me not to wait so late to go on vacation next summer.  We were getting very antsy, cranky and a little tired of each other before we went; and then we came back and is starting.  I feel like I should have another month off.  We did have a great vacation.  Oh how I love the ocean! SIGH!  For the first time since I can remember, I am ready for school to start.  I think that's because I can see much needed down time and a lot of needed organizational time in my future.  For the first time in over 20 years, I am truly a stay home mom.  I have been so fortunate to be able to work part-time for the majority of the last 17 years, but I have never truly been a stay home mom.  NPayne has worked hard and diligently, so that I was able to work part-time...spending a majority of my time at home.  I am thankful.  This past January, he mentioned that he thought I should "do something else".  "Like what?" I asked.  He suggested I work on my photography business.  I thought that sounded awesome, but not having a steady income scared me.  I prayed about it a lot, and I could hear God telling me "DO IT".  I thought it would be nice to spend more time with my mom, volunteer at the kids' schools, keep the house tidy, organize so much stuff,  and work on this; but I ignored God.  I signed my teaching contract with plan of returning in August.  Then my mom got very sick and died unexpectedly in May, and it has been soooo hard.  I have found myself battling those demons of depression once again.  I am also easily overwhelmed by busyness, and we are slowly starting a remodel/renovation.  Then there's the fact that my oldest is a senior, and I've heard the senior year is a part-time job for parents.  Plus she has senior release every day....I kind of have this sugary vision of us window shopping, having coffee and going for long walks a few days/week.  If she reads this, she will probably think I'm crazy.  One day in June, I woke up and clearly heard God's voice tell me again "DO IT".  I resigned from my job, decided to focus on my photography business, this, my kids, my house and myself.  Maybe that sounds selfish to some or exciting to some or extravagant to some, and maybe it is; but I'm also nervous and a little unsure.  I've already filled my calendar with "To Do's" and chores, so that I won't end up sitting on the couch, drinking coffee pinning my life away.  Don't get me wrong, I will have days when I do that; but I want to be productive and stick with my vision of promoting my business, volunteering, eating lunch with my kids, Bible Study....lots of it, working on our remodel, making myself better for my family.  I've already been thinking that this will probably be the only year that I take off, but you never know.  And I've already been thinking that this may take up lots of my time, but again you never know.  We'll see, but for now; I'm ready for tomorrow.  I am not, however, ready for the alarm clock, paperwork, taxi driving and GRADUATION! And I wish I was spending every Wednesday morning and more with my mom.

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