Keep Swimming

I have issues with sleep...not that I don't like it, I love to sleep; just that it doesn't like me.  Although I don't sleep a lot, the benefit is that I often do my best thinking in the wee hours of the morning.  It's also a time I can talk to Jesus without interruption.  This morning I had all the thoughts going on...about my children, their futures, responsibilities, dreams and such.  I dozed off about 5:00 and woke up again about 8:00.  As I was lying in my bed thinking about the day ahead, I heard E crying and coughing.  After checking on her, I called the pediatrician and made an appointment.  We rushed around and got to the doctor's office.  As the nurse was asking her about her symptoms, allergies, etc.; Elli was answering.  I was listening.  Then the nurse said to me, "And you're her mom?"  It took me by surprise, because I hadn't been asked that at the pediatrician's office in a really long time.  They know us well there, but this was a new nurse.  When she asked me that question, I looked at my girl and thought...WOW!  I'm responsible for this person's life.  Every now and then, that realization hits me square in the face; and I get a little overwhelmed thinking about it...being responsible for other people's well being.  We have a good life, but we've also had some tough times.  Some days I fee like I'm barely treading water.  But at the end of the day, I'm still treading; but I'm tired....oh so tired.  On the days where I dive in head first, I'm so grateful even if those days don't come too often; but I'm still gonna keep swimming.