Give It Away

It all started when I read SEVEN by Jen Hatmaker a few summers ago.  I was telling NPayne about the book and how she gave up seven things/day for a month.  The part that really touched my heart was that she didn't donate her stuff, but she found people who could use it and was intentional in giving it away.  We had been feeling overpowered by our stuff for quite a while, and honestly still do; but we are working on it.  When I explained the concept in SEVEN,  my wonderful and serving husband suggested we have a free garage sale for some of our neighbors.  In other words, we would gather our stuff....it had to be decent stuff....but instead of donating to goodwill or our local charity; we would be intentional about where it went.  We would give it to our neighbors, who we knew, could really benefit from it.  So in November of 2013, our Sunday School class hosted a free garage sale at our church.  We had about 16 long tables full of clothes, toys, Christmas decorations, household goods, etc.  There was plenty of baby stuff and a few large items.  Our neighbors came and shopped for free, and they took our stuff; and they were so grateful.  They intentionally shook our hands as they left and said "Thank You" with bright smiles on their faces.  So this year, we decided to make the free garage sale a little bit more grand.  We opened it up to all of the adult Sunday School classes at our church and invited 3 large neighborhoods to come and shop.  When we were setting it up on Friday, I was OVERWHELMED....to say the least.  I had been getting emails for the last month, so I knew there was going to be a lot; and there was A LOT!  That morning, I told NPayne that I was a little nervous about what we would do with the stuff if there was a lot left over.  In his kind and reassuring way, he said...."Don't worry about that.  Remember what you're doing this for, and it will work itself out."  And it did.  We hosted over 200 people in our Family Life Center this past Saturday, and they shopped and shopped and shopped.  It was a wonderful day, and the best part is....they took almost all of the stuff. We ended up with one truck load to donate.  Our church is full of good people, who are generous, helpful and true servants.  There were many who helped make this event successful, and it would not have been possible without them.  I am extremely thankful for all who donated and helped with the event, and it was wonderful to get to know some members I had not known before.   If you build it, they will come.  We built it, and they came.  Praise Be To God!!

BUSYNESS

Busyness OVERWHELMS me....I have to stop and take a breath often.  The holiday season is the busiest time of the year for me....I am swamped with photo sessions (good thing), we are in the beginning stages of remodel aka doing all the work ourselves (good/questionable thing), I'm trying to have a birthday party for Bryna whose birthday was in September (good thing), it's the holidays (enough said), my emotional cup runneth over as it's the time of year when my dad was perishing right before my eyes (hard/sad thing), it's the first holiday season without my mama (heartbreaking/difficult thing).  Instead of viewing this season as challenging, I am going to do my best to view it as what it is....another season and be grateful for all of these things.  Hopefully I can hold on to my calm and celebrate each day...especially the busy ones.  I'm going to need a lot of coffee and prayer.

Little

I miss this.....

A LOT!

ONE

Sometimes simple things are the best reminders....or at least that's true for me.  My 15 year old son planted and grew this bean plant at school.  He brought it home with a big smile on his face, because well...look at it...it's thriving.  Cal might not understand all of the plant vocabulary he learned while planting and caring for his sprout, but he knows what it needed to grow....plain and simple....someone to care for it.  When I walk by that plant every day, with his name written on that cup, it reminds me to care for people the way that I have been cared for.  Give someone a piece of myself....even if it is a small piece...give it away.  I use to be overwhelmed by the thought of all of the needs in the world, because I thought I couldn't do much....one person, what can I do?  Over the years, I've learned that one person can make a huge difference; so I don't hold back....don't hold back!!  I recently went to a women's conference where Jen Hatmaker was the speaker....she said many things that impacted me, but one that I've thought about every day since the conference was....if we help the people around us, literally directly around us and if everyone in the world did the same....all the people of the world would be cared for.  It sounds so easy, so why is it so hard?  I can't help but wonder if it's because there are so many who don't think one person can make a difference; but one person can!  Don't hold back!!  The Paynes are about to embrace her advice in more ways than one....hold on to your hats people....it's going to get all lovey and mushy around here!  "We can't help everyone, but everyone can do something for someone." Ronald Regan.

In The Moment

Today was good. My family and I explored our community. We went to a huge book sale, a basketball game, several thrift stores and did lots of window shopping, we ended the day with supper and coconut pie. It was one of the best days I've had in a very long time. As we sat at the diner waiting for our food, I looked at my kids' faces and their smiles as they shared their stories, their roses; and my heart nearly exploded. I couldn't help but let my mind wander to this day in a few years...will Addi be with us? Will there be a beau accompanying her? Will we have many more days where all 7 of us hang out together all day long? My kids are growing up....and I thank God for that, but it's so bittersweet. I've been a mama for so long, and I knowI always be; but their independence....it's a beautiful thing and a heart wrenching thing. So for now, I try to focus on the RIGHT NOW....RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

FIVE MONTHS!

I haven't written in quite a while which is very unlike me.  Even when I don't write on my blog, I write; but I haven't.  I have thoughts in my head and heart, but I haven't had the words....I haven't had the words.  Tonight I was putting clean sheets on my bed, and I folded up the quilt at the end of my bed, the one my great grandmother made.   For a fleeting moment,  I thought....I need to call mom and ask her about this quilt again, but...well you know.  There was that instant piercing pain and that feeling of being punched in the stomach.  It didn't last long this time.  Sunday will be 5 months since she died.  Sometimes it seems like a long time ago, and other times....I almost forget she's not down the street.  Today Elli asked me, "What was Moo's name?"  I had never thought about her not knowing her grandmother's name, but really why would she?  She/we always called her Moo, and Moo is what my mama loved to be called.  I said her name out loud a few times...."Sandy, Sandra, Sandy"....then I thought about the last word she said to me..."HI"!  I miss her.  I miss my dad.  I'm glad they're together.

I Miss My Mom

You've been on my mind non stop....how you would have loved seeing Elli on her birthday, how you would have loved hearing all about their first days of school, how you would have loved seeing Addi's senior yearbook picture. You would have gushed about how beautiful she looked and been so proud to see her wearing your necklace. I think about how I would be visiting you each week and bringing the kids to see you. Cal misses taking out your trash, and Drew misses doing your laundry. They all miss your cheerful and excited greetings and giving you a hug. I got a phone call from your doctor today asking you to come in and schedule an appointment. I guess he didn't know. I watched a video of a sweet elderly lady dancing in the street, and it reminded me of you. Cal asked me where we would go on December 23rd....your birthday, and I told him I didn't know. I haven't been able to sleep much, and I find myself feeling lost and lonely.  I keep trying to remember your voice and smile and laugh and so much about you....I don't want to forget. It scares me to think I might. I find myself feeling sad knowing I don't have you to experience Addi's senior year with me. Today is a day when I just need to be sad and miss you with my whole being. I miss you mama.

Play Fair!

They gave us the practice schedule months ago.  I looked at it and compared it to the other ten thousand things that she wanted to do.  We might have had to make some adjustments or choices about activities due to her preferences. because we just can't simply do it all.  She was selected for a team, and we were thrilled that it worked out with our schedule.  Had it not, she would have had to given up something else; because this was her first choice.  We were told that kids were placed on teams according to what the instructors thought was the "best suited" for them, and lucky for us; she got on the team we were hoping she would.  She worked hard all summer as did many, but sadly some did not make a team....not the one they wanted or any at all....because they couldn't find a good fit for them.  Disappointment like that is so hard on mothers and kids.  Sigh....life lessons.  So when the teams were announced and one player realized there is a conflict with another activity he/she had, is it okay to ask to be put on another team?  After the try-outs?  After the teams were formed?  After there were some very disappointed kids who weren't chosen?  After they were specifically placed on this team, because it was "best suited" for them?  After they had known the practice schedule for the last few months?  After someone else lost out on the opportunity to be on a team, but now there is this spot?  Will they fill it or not?  If they fill it, that child will always know he/she was the runner up.  For some kids, that wouldn't matter at all; and they would be grateful.  For some, it will always haunt them.  As a person who tries very hard to be sensitive to others' feelings and who works diligently on making schedules to accommodate our family and who would make her child choose one thing over another, and make them stick to their choice when it was discovered there was a conflict; I find this whole scenario annoying.  I'll step down from my soapbox now.

Just Like That....They're Off!

And just like that....they're off to another school year.  Summer has come to an end, and it is bittersweet.  Remind me not to wait so late to go on vacation next summer.  We were getting very antsy, cranky and a little tired of each other before we went; and then we came back and BAM....school is starting.  I feel like I should have another month off.  We did have a great vacation.  Oh how I love the ocean! SIGH!  For the first time since I can remember, I am ready for school to start.  I think that's because I can see much needed down time and a lot of needed organizational time in my future.  For the first time in over 20 years, I am truly a stay home mom.  I have been so fortunate to be able to work part-time for the majority of the last 17 years, but I have never truly been a stay home mom.  NPayne has worked hard and diligently, so that I was able to work part-time...spending a majority of my time at home.  I am thankful.  This past January, he mentioned that he thought I should "do something else".  "Like what?" I asked.  He suggested I work on my photography business.  I thought that sounded awesome, but not having a steady income scared me.  I prayed about it a lot, and I could hear God telling me "DO IT".  I thought it would be nice to spend more time with my mom, volunteer at the kids' schools, keep the house tidy, organize so much stuff,  and work on this; but I ignored God.  I signed my teaching contract with plan of returning in August.  Then my mom got very sick and died unexpectedly in May, and it has been soooo hard.  I have found myself battling those demons of depression once again.  I am also easily overwhelmed by busyness, and we are slowly starting a remodel/renovation.  Then there's the fact that my oldest is a senior, and I've heard the senior year is a part-time job for parents.  Plus she has senior release every day....I kind of have this sugary vision of us window shopping, having coffee and going for long walks a few days/week.  If she reads this, she will probably think I'm crazy.  One day in June, I woke up and clearly heard God's voice tell me again "DO IT".  I resigned from my job, decided to focus on my photography business, this, my kids, my house and myself.  Maybe that sounds selfish to some or exciting to some or extravagant to some, and maybe it is; but I'm also nervous and a little unsure.  I've already filled my calendar with "To Do's" and chores, so that I won't end up sitting on the couch, drinking coffee pinning my life away.  Don't get me wrong, I will have days when I do that; but I want to be productive and stick with my vision of promoting my business, volunteering, eating lunch with my kids, Bible Study....lots of it, working on our remodel, making myself better for my family.  I've already been thinking that this will probably be the only year that I take off, but you never know.  And I've already been thinking that this may take up lots of my time, but again you never know.  We'll see, but for now; I'm ready for tomorrow.  I am not, however, ready for the alarm clock, paperwork, taxi driving and GRADUATION! And I wish I was spending every Wednesday morning and more with my mom.

Bad Food, Back to Reality!

Back to reality and even worse....back to the end of summer. I had good intentions regarding eating healthy while we where gone, but I failed miserably. Now I must regain control and bid farewell to the following: half priced shakes and sweet raspberry tea from Sonic, mac and cheese, sweet potatoe fries, fancy and sugary coffee drinks, Nutella by the spoonful, grilled cheese sandwiches made like my mama use to make them (cooked in lots of butter and with mayo in the inside), grilled hot dogs, cheese nips, gallons of crunchy peanut butter, spaghetti out of a can, pancakes, bread with butter, Mexican food. Starting my clean eating on Sunday, so excuse me while I drink my coconut cream pie milkshake.