Sunday, July 12, 2009

NOT ME MONDAY!!!! I Don't Do Scary! And I Don't Do Rodents!

Welcome to NOT ME MONDAY, created by MckMama, where we can be brutally honest about things we would never do and live to tell about it.

1. This week, I did NOT have to call NPayne at work and tell him that there was an opossum in our house.... yes no sirree! That's NOT what I opossum IN MY HOUSE! He did NOT haul it drive home to trap persaid opossum and remove it from my house! Opossums are NOT really passive even though they will hiss and growl at you....according to google! They are NOT about the ugliest things ever created either! They are NOT nocturnal, do NOT always have 4 babies, and are NOT the only marsupials in North America.....just in case you were wondering! And did I mention, that they are not attractive? Really they aren't! Don't believe me?....just google it! How does an opossum get into one's house you might's a long story.

2. I was NOT invited, by a sweet friend, to go see "Little Shop of Horrors" theatre production this weekend; and we did NOT get to go for free. I have NEVER seen "Little Shop of Horrors", so I did NOT know what to expect, but I did NOT assume that there may be some "horror" involved. Although I do NOT do scary, I was NOT too concerned about being overly frightened until.....

3. During intermission, actors dressed as zombies, did NOT slowly but surely start galavanting through the crowd. I did NOT see a few and nervously think....this is interesting, because I don't do scary....until one zombie jumped out and screamed at the guy directly in front of me and my sweet friend. I did NOT scream as well and shout "Holy Smokes" while trying to dodge persaid zombie. Then we did NOT all laugh a lot!

4. As intermission continued, I did NOT notice that the place was being overcome with zombies jumping out and scaring people; and I did NOT repeatedly tell my sweet friend while my eyes did NOT nervously dart back and forth looking for zombies..."I don't do scary, and if something touches me or jumps out at me; we're gonna have a problem!" As I was nervously keeping lookout for zombies, who may or may not scream in your face, I did NOT mistakenly misidentify a fellow patron....who was sitting in a seat two rows ahead of a zombie; because she can I put this nicely?....zombie like hair....a zombie hairdo....if you will! When she turned around, and I could see that her face was not painted black with hollowed out eyes and disfigured teeth; I did NOT breathe a sigh of relief.

5. As we were discussing how the zombies looked so much like the ones in Michael Jackson's Thriller video, I did NOT see the above mentioned zombie leaning directly over the railing by my sweet friend. I did NOT immediately get up and sprint run down the aisle while screaming hysterically leaving my sweet friend to fend for herself. My sweet friend....who had absolutely no idea persaid zombie was approaching....did NOT scream LOUDLY when persaid zombie jumped and screamed at her. She did NOT scream so loudly that the entire theatre began to clap with enthusiasm and entertainment at the two of us raving lunatics perfectly composed women. We then did NOT laugh so hard that we could NOT catch our breath. She then did NOT say she was glad her husband wasn't there, because he would have been mortified with embarassment over our hysteria. I replied with NPayne is use to my hysteria, because he knows....I DON'T DO SCARY!

6. As intermission came to a close and the lights began to dim, we did NOT hear the beginning sound of "Thriller" as the zombies....all 40 or 50 of them....slowly and creepily made their way onto the stage and into the aisles. Then persaid zombies did NOT do the entire "Thriller" dance, along with a Michael Jackson look alike zombie, right smack dab in the middle of the stage. It was not fabulously entertaining and a little sad...considering that MJ has recently breathed his last breath on earth.

7. After the show, we did not see a group of the teenagers who portrayed the zombies zombies in the foyer signing autographs. I did NOT hurry on past, because I was NOT still a little wigged out by the whole zombie party. Once we reached the parking garage, my sweet friend and I did NOT file into the jam packed elevator and have NO clue as to where we should get off. As we were debating this, in the crowded elevator, someone said..."Hey, aren't you the screamer?" to which my sweet friend and I giggled and nodded yes. We did NOT get off the elevator and roam aimlessly in the parking garage for 15 minutes looking for her car. I did NOT start to get a little creeped out in the vacant parking garage....after the whole zombie escapade....and she was NOT convinced that someone had stolen her car. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I didn't think anyone would steal a van when there was a cute little yellow Volkswagen Bug available nearby.

8. Once we found the van and were on our way, my sweet friend did NOT turn the wrong way down a one way street and nearly give me a heart attack. After we finally figured out where we were going, she desperately said...."I NEED A COKE!" to which she immediately took the next exit before I could get my reply of "ME TOO!" out of my mouth. She said...."There's a Sonic, and we're going!" I did NOT begin to sing "Our God Is An Awesome God!", because well frankly HE is....and we did request a coke, and He did provide us a coke before we could even contemplate our next move! We did NOT leave Sonic with a coke and a smile....and a prayer of thanksgiving!

That's it for this week's NOT ME MONDAY! Check out MckMama's blog to read more confessions of what folks did NOT do!

1 comment:

Following Him said...

I did not see an opossum in our neighbors yard last night! I did not laugh at my sister when she screamed at the opossum! I do not do scary either!
Happy Monday!