My Wish....My Prayer!

"Just like prayer, there is no wish that is too big or too small. "

When I looked on MckMama's blog this morning to check and see if Not Me Monday was posted, I read that Stellan is very ill and in Children's Hospital with heart problems....if you have kept up with her blog, you know that her baby was diagnosed with a fatal heart problem while still in her womb. He was not expected to survive long enough to be born much less survive at all after birth, but God chose to use Stellan as a miracle; and he was born last October. When I read this news about Stellan, I didn't think anything but....God is with him, He is in control. He worked a miracle once, I know He can do it again if it is His will. Then I prayed for Stellan, and I prayed for MckMama and Prince Charming.

My heart has been heavy for several days, because my sweet Drew is going to lose a friend any day now. One of her classmates, Jayla, has leukemia; and she is down to her last days on earth. Believe me when I say....Drew is very matter of fact about death. Sure she is very sad, but she is so comforted to know where Jayla is going. She is so comforted by the fact that Jayla has declared that "she is not afraid"! Still my heart is so heavy for her parents, for her mother!

It's times like these, where you see your blessings....my friend Leslie told me that a few short weeks after losing her second son during childbirth and recovering from a stroke. She told me that you often see your blessings in your losses, and I have experienced this first hand as I have grown closer to God through Leslie and Jeff and their losses. Don't misunderstand me....I do not want to suffer through what they have, what Jayla's parents are, what Angie has, what Tuesday's parents have; I DON'T! But....I have learned so much through their losses....through their faith....through their love!

As I was driving to Addi's school this morning to take her her gym clothes, that she had forgotten to put in the dryer yesterday (and yes I was a little irritated); I made a conscious effort and even prayed that I would deliver her gym clothes to her with a smile on my face and a courteous greeting. If you have read my blog before, you know that Addi is not the tidiest child; and she is not the most responsible child as far as remembering her gym clothes, or her band log, or other simple things like that; but she is a very responsible child when it comes to caring for her siblings, helping her grandmothers, being generous beyond belief to perfect strangers and causes she really believes in or is passionate about. I have let her suffer the natural consequence, of being irresponsible, several times before....when she has forgotten her lunch, and I didn't take it to her; so she had to borrow money or go hungry that day....when she has forgotten her homework, and I didn't take it to her; so she had to sit out at recess. But today I didn't let her suffer the natural consequence of forgetting to put her gym clothes in the dryer, I bailed her out....so to speak. I kept thinking about Jayla's mother and MckMama, and how they would give anything to "bail their children out" right now; and I decided that I need to make a more conscious effort to still let her suffer the natural consequence but sometimes to "bail her out" and to do it courteously instead of expressing my frustration and irritation. I know it's important for her to learn to become responsible for, even these little things, but I also know how blessed I am to have her in my life and to have the opportunity to "bail her out" from time to time. Be grateful for the gifts God has given me!

On the way home from taking Addi her gym clothes, I heard the song by Point of Grace...."I Wish"! I couldn't remember the name of the song when I heard it, so when I got home I looked it up on their website; and I found the quote at the top of this post...."Just like prayer, there is no wish that is too big or too small". I then looked up the definition of wish in the dictionary, and it said the following: to want, desire, long for! It's weird, but sometimes I have a hard time praying for a miracle in a situation. I feel sort of hypocritical praying for something that I truly don't believe will happen....I experienced so much guilt from this when my dad was sick, because while my mom was praying her heart out for a miracle; I wasn't. I prayed for peace and comfort for him and for us, I prayed for the pain to stop, I prayed for my children, and I prayed for our time together to be meaningful; but I didn't pray for him to be healed. That's not to say that I have never prayed for a miracle.....and oddly enough, it's much easier for me to pray for a miracle when I'm praying for someone I don't know, someone I am not watching suffer first hand, someone that I don't see the doubt or sadnesss in the doctor's eyes at each visit. I told my pastor this and how I struggled with the guilt, and how I felt like I let my dad down; because I didn't pray for a miracle. You know what he said.....he said, "Sometimes the ultimate healing is death!" As much as we don't want that to happen for the ones we love, as much as we don't want to feel the pain so deep it feels like someone punched you in the stomache, as much as we don't want to miss the person we lost so much we don't want to get out of bed.....I believe he was right.....the ultimate healing is death.....eternal life! I will admit this is much easier to accept when the person lost is not a child. The loss of a child leaves a different kind of pain, sadness, emptiness and grief. I do not know this from my own personal first hand experience, but I know it from my own personal second hand experience!

My wishes.....my prayers.....

A cure for cancer!

Children wouldn't die before their parents!

World Peace!

No more suffering!

Our world would be the peaceful, beautiful place that God intended it to be!

I haven't experienced the loss of a child, and I thank God for that multiple times per day. I wouldn't "wish" that on anyone!