Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I have struggled with guilt my entire life, or at least as long as I can remember. I don't know if it's in my nature or something I just claimed as my own. I honestly don't know where it harvested from. I do know that I try, honestly try as hard as I can, to erase it when it attacks. Sometimes my efforts work and sometimes they don't. I have come to realize that not all guilt is bad....sometimes you may feel guilty about a change that really needed to be made, or a relationship that really needed to be halted, or a situation where you just needed to say "no". Last year my pastor, Ken, invited folks from the congregation to come in and visit with him about anything they chose. After some hesitation and lots of prayers, I made an appointment to meet with Ken. I was nervous about doing this but felt it was something I was called to do, and it was one of the best things I have ever done. I am not "Bible" smart which is why I immerse myself in Bible study, because I am hungry to know more. Although I grew up and have always been a christian, my relationship with Jesus didn't take shape until I was an adult....married with children. I longed for it my entire life, but I didn't know how to achieve it and am still constantly working on growing it. I decided to speak with Ken about some "Bible" things, as well as, some personal things. One of the many things we discussed was my struggle, no battle, with guilt. I remember telling him that I am so blessed and have so much more than so many others....I have a house, food, a car, a wonderful healthy family; but yet I struggle. I am overwhelmed by His blessings, but I often found myself (still do from time to time) feeling so guilty about my blessings. Why was I chosen to live, what I consider to be, a fabulous life? Why are there so many good people who have to suffer so much, who have to do without so much, who have to hurt so much, who have to lose so much? Why? I asked Ken....what do I do with this guilt? What Ken told me, I have taken to heart and think about every single day.....I mean EVERY SINGLE DAY! He said that he is so grateful for his blessing as well, and that he uses his blessings to give back to others.....whether that be through serving, money, prayer, whatever it may be. The good in his life helps him focus on how to serve those who are suffering, doing without, hurting, losing so much! I have always had a heart for serving, but I really didn't realize that until the last few years. I will be the first to admit that I often get more pleasure, gratitude and fulfillment by serving than the people I am serving. I know that it's not about me, I do; but I also know that it feels so good to help someone and know that they may have something better even if it's just for a few hours. Remember what Jesus told his followers.....Passage Matthew 25:35-45:
35'For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;
36naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink?
38'And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You?
39'When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?'
40"The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'

As NPayne always says, there is much to be grateful for....when you are doubting it, know that there are so many others who have many more challenges they are facing! Well said, my sweet, well said!

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